Coming Home Again
by Reluctantly Clueless
Summary: Quinn is Santana's boss and she can see the woman coming apart at the seams. She knows she can help her but at what cost? Having been involved in a DD relationship in the past, she understands what Santana needs but has vowed to stay away from damaged women after a tragic loss. Yet something about the brunette draws her in. The start of their unique love story DD / SPANKING/rated M
1. When The Past Comes Back to Haunt You

**Coming Home Again**

_**A/N – FUTURE FIC A/U ~ QUINNTANA end game ~ I don't own Glee, any characters not on the show are my own invention, and I do own them.**_

_**RATED M: Discipline, Harsh at Times, Violence, Hints of Past Emotional Abuse**_

_**Repost of an older story that was on my SadPanda13 account. I am rewriting it in first person so I will post as many chapters as I can as I have edited them. Flashbacks are not in the first person voice.**_

_**Chapter 1 When The Past Come Backs To Haunt You!**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

When I first interviewed for my job, I talked to at least three people and I was cool and confident. I knew I was good at what I did, I had the education, the brains and this seemed like a great opportunity. I did really well; I was open, honest, confident and charming. I felt like the job was in the bag. Then SHE walked in the room. She introduced herself as Quinn Fabray, the Chief Financial Officer, and the woman who would be my immediate supervisor. She was like no CFO I had ever seen before. She was tall and slender in a tight black pencil skirt, I was to find out in time those were her favorites. She had blonde wavy shoulder length hair with these utterly piercing hazel eyes. She was unbelievably beautiful. When she looked at me, I felt all the cool I thought I possessed immediately leave me and I was sure she knew it too as she smirked just a little bit and raised an eyebrow when I stuttered out a greeting. I could have kicked myself, I was acting like I had never seen a beautiful woman before, I was acting like a damn teenage boy.

She looked a little harried as she sat down and put on these cute little pair of nerdy black reading glasses. She glanced at the resume and then at me over her glasses a few times without comment, just staring at me like she was trying to see into my soul. Her hazel eyes were so intense I found myself staring into them trying to figure out if they were more green, gold or brown. It was a strange interview and I actually blushed when she openly stared back at me, and I never blush. She asked a few questions about my education and my last job, got up as quickly as she came in, thanked me and left without even a backwards glance. I was utterly deflated and thought that I couldn't have screwed that up anymore if I had tried.

Imagine my surprise when an email arrived from one Quinn Fabray offering me the position of Accountant. It appeared she was a woman of action instead of a woman of words. I could live with that, or so I thought. About nine months into the job, I found out exactly what that beautiful woman of action was really capable of.

It had been a really bad couple of weeks and gone downhill from there. I was feeling busy and harassed at my Master level classes and had procrastinated a little too long on a group project and totally blew the A I was expecting in the class. I got mad at myself and basically stopped trying in that class. I was staying up late and surfing the net way past my normal bedtime because I was depressed. That in turn led to complete inability to get up on time for work and I found myself coming in later and later every day. I was eating junk and stopped exercising and was fighting and arguing with everyone around me including the other accountants at work. My house was a mess, my car was a mess and I just didn't seem to be able to manufacture enough energy to care at all. I spent half my time at work with the door closed screwing around on the internet as well. Work was piling up all around me. I was basically miserable and made damn sure that everyone around me was as well. I had even stopped watching my boss' ass when she sashayed down the hallway talking away on her ever present cellphone. That was a sight I never thought I could get tired of.

I didn't mean to miss the deadline, I really didn't. I guess I just forgot to put it in the calendar and that was the beginning of the end. The corporate headquarters in France called the office in England who called Quinn who showed up in my office at 5pm frowning heavily and questioning me about the missed deadline in a very serious tone of voice. I might have gotten a little snippy with her and pouted just a little about my heavy work load both here and at home. She looked at me over her glasses and said very sternly, "I need to fix this, don't you dare go anywhere until I call you." She looked seriously pissed and I was sure I was soon to be unemployed. I had been late almost every day for the last week, I had been snippy with everyone, I had let my projects totally pile up and now I missed this damn deadline. Yep, I was done for….

Exactly one hour later, Quinn called me and told me to come to her office. I walked slowly through the halls to the part of the building that all of us non-executives called Millionaire Row, shuffling like a prisoner walking to the gallows. I was kicking myself the whole time. This was such a great job, how could I have been so stupid and let things go so far. I knew better than to behave like this. I was feeling really awful for letting Quinn and the company down as well, I usually was so good at my job, but I just didn't know how to pull myself out of the slump I was in.

I stood in her doorway and knocked softly on her thick oak door, my eyes downcast staring at the carpet in front of me. She was seated on her loveseat talking on her cellphone and motioned for me to take a seat next to her. I looked around as she continued her conversation in French. I had been in her office many times and was always amazed at how homey and comfortable it was. It had the big desk and the chairs across from it, the requisite filing cabinets and other accoutrements of a business office but it also had a full bathroom with a shower and a receiving area with a loveseat, chair, end table and lamps. It had some really pretty artwork as well and some very exotic looking masks that Quinn had explained were gifts from her parents who evidently were quite well off. They looked expensive but I really didn't know much about art or evidently Quinn either for that matter.

After ending her call she stared at me intensely for just a moment as if she were trying to make up her mind about something. Then she started off speaking very quietly about how disappointed she had been lately in my performance and my demeanor, "I have invested a great deal of time in training you as well and I know you are capable of so much more than you have been showing me lately." I actually found myself trying to swallow down a lump in my throat and blink back tears. I really did feel terribly guilty about everything. I couldn't even look at her anymore. The room was silent for what seemed like a lifetime and I could feel her studying me as I studied her shoes. Finally she cleared her throat and said, "Look at me Santana" so I looked at her chest. She cleared her throat again, "in the eyes please!" Reluctantly I looked up into those piercing scary captivating hazel eyes and was startled to see just a little bit of compassion. She still looked seriously pissed but I had just a little bit of hope now.

Quinn leaned back into the cushions, took a deep breath and crossed her arms across her magnificent chest, "I have come to a decision about your future here at World Equity Financial and I am afraid you have a very difficult choice to make, one I cannot make for you." I swallowed a huge lump as she continued, "You can leave my office, pack up and you will be fired or you can allow me to discipline you." I am sure my eyes shot wide open and probably resembled an owl and my unfortunate and inconvenient stuttering habit kicked right back in, "Dis dis dis discipline me, what do.. do.. do you mean, discipline me?" Surely she couldn't mean what I thought she meant, right? Wrong!

"Well for complete and total brats, who are late, disrespectful, and cannot seem to meet a deadline that typically means a spanking," she finished firmly. I was stunned, "you want to spank me? I am a grown woman; I am too old to be spanked!" She scoffed lightly, "your actions would indicate otherwise, like I said, it is your choice." she shrugged nonchalantly, "now, because of you and your nonsense I have a headache and I had no time for lunch so I am going to go grab something to eat," she stood up gracefully, "when I return if you have decided you want to keep your job and your position in my department you will be standing shoes off with your nose in that corner and your hands behind your back, if not please be packed and ready to be escorted from the building." With that she turned abruptly and walked out of her office. I sat there paralyzed; I really didn't want to lose my job, but a spanking? Really? I mean fine, I probably deserved one but if I let her spank me how the hell was I ever going to be able to look her in the eyes again.

I had enough trouble as it was since she had become a guest star in all my late night fantasy sessions. Almost nightly, I would tease myself slowly into release just imagining her going down on me. Dreaming of seeing those incredible eyes boring into mine as her long flexible fingers plowed into me over and over leaving me gasping for air. This spanking would make it impossible to ever look her in the face again. On the other hand, I could never find another job as good in this economy, I mean how bad could a stupid spanking be, I could man up and take a spanking if it meant keeping my job. I was tough, I was badass, and I could certainly handle a spanking. I WAS Santana Lopez after all! After a few minutes of going back and forth I came to a decision. My mind made up, I took a deep breath, set my shoes next to the loveseat and trudged over to the corner.

I felt like a complete idiot standing there staring at nothing with my hands clasped behind my back. After what seemed like forever I heard her come back into the room, at least I prayed it was her; there was really no good explanation for what I was doing otherwise. Maybe I could say Quinn was afraid of spiders and I was checking for spider webs, pfftt, well that was just lame….no one would believe that. Just as I started to panic a little, she leaned close and spoke into my ear very softly, "you made the right choice." I got goose bumps as her words blew her soft sweet breath over my ear and neck. I heard the rustling of her slacks as she moved to go sit down on the loveseat.

I was starting to get antsy. The wait was making me crazy, I felt this electric feeling of anxiety racing up and down my body, my heart was pounding in my ears and I had crazy bats fluttering all throughout my abdominal cavity, fuck butterflies, these things were enormous. I was not so confident in my choice anymore. I tried to think of something, anything else but it just wasn't working, all I could imagine was me crying like a little girl over her knee. It was getting really hot in that corner. I was petrified.

Just as I was about to bolt from the room, Quinn spoke, "Santana, come stand in front of me please." I took a breath and tried to figure out how lead weights got attached to my feet. I stood in front of her and noticed a large wooden backed hairbrush sitting on the loveseat next to her. Where did that come from? I could barely breathe; I was in so much trouble. I knew I was fidgeting but just couldn't seem to stop; she had this way of making me feel like a petulant naughty child and I did not like it one bit.

"Pants off!" Quinn ordered abruptly. I was stunned, I didn't know she meant bare. Oh crap, oh crap why did I wear that stupid lacy white thong today of all days. I wasn't sure I could actually submit to her, I never really had for anyone before and now I knew why, it was humiliating. I slowly took my dress slacks off and carefully folded them on the chair next to me. Carefully trying to preserve what dignity I could manage. I could tell she was getting impatient and I really didn't want her any angrier than she already was, but I just couldn't seem to make myself go faster. I stole a quick glance at her face and saw her glaring at me with one eyebrow quirked up halfway to her hairline. Her eyes looked dark and stormy and I shivered in fear. Damn, I was in for it now! I felt my face heat up even more when she commanded me to lie over her lap. I tried, I really did but I couldn't. With a huff she grabbed my wrist and pulled me over her knees, "you are really pushing me little girl!"

I squirmed around a little trying to get more comfortable and not feel so vulnerable when she chuckled wryly and said, "well, we won't be needing these" as she peeled my thong down to the back of my knees. My horror and embarrassment was now complete. I was going to be paddled bare bottomed over Quinn Fabray's knee like a child. I didn't think I could feel any more humiliated until I heard her say, "why are you about to get your backside blistered little girl?" My face flushed and my ears started ringing and I stared at the carpet trying to remember how to speak English. A very sharp crack from her hand to my bare bottom brought my focus back to the moment as she repeated her sentence more sharply and with more volume, "why are you about to get your backside blistered little girl!"

I bucked up and squeaked out, "I've been rude, disrespectful and I am always late!" Two more very sharp cracks, "you will refer to me as Ma'am, is that clear?" I cried out sharply, "YES! Ow, Yes Ma'am!" I swore I could hear the smirk in her voice, "Indeed, let's get this over with shall we?" Quinn started laying out a steady stream of very sharp painful smacks all over my poor ass. "Shit, this woman has an iron-hand I am so screwed," I thought to myself. That was pretty much my last coherent thought for a while. I tried to stay still and not wiggle and I tried to keep my hands in front of me but it was starting to really sting and after one really hard smack, I tried to wriggle off her lap and put my hand back to cover my very warm, very exposed backside. She hadn't even started using the hairbrush yet! She swiftly grabbed my wrist and tightened her grip. I had no idea she was so strong I couldn't even move. I was surprised to find tears trickling down my cheeks; it took a lot to make Santana Lopez cry.

Suddenly she stopped spanking and for one crazy insane moment, I thought I was free. Then I felt her shift to her side and saw out of the corner of my eye as she picked up the hairbrush. I felt my stomach and ass muscles clench and I closed my eyes tightly in terror. She said very firmly yet not unkindly, "Relax, we'll be done soon enough." I felt the cool wood of that awful hairbrush lying against my ass and just for a moment it felt good. Then she said, "How many days were you late this week?" I muttered into the loveseat cushion, "five times, I think" I heard the CRACK before I felt it and an instant later the pain blossomed across my rear end in a fiery blaze. "Santa Madre de Dios" I practically screamed.

Quinn ignored my outburst and continued, "You think, or you know! And don't forget the Ma'am" I squeaked out in a thin watery voice, "Ow, ow, five days Ma'am, five I am sure of it!" She continued, "How many days were you playing on the internet when you should have been working?" I replied quickly this time, I am a very fast learner, "Five days, Ma'am, all five!" "And how many days were you rude to your co-workers little girl?" I groaned, "Five days, Ma'am, all five!" I could see this was going to be very bad, I was an accountant after all and I could add! Quinn practically growled out, "That makes 15 and I am going to add 5 more for missing the project deadline. That will be 20 altogether. You will not get up and you will not put your hands back here, do you understand me Santana?" "Yes, Quinn!" I replied meekly. CRACK! AW FUCK ME! "Yes, Ma'am I understand!" Ok so maybe I am not such a quick learner!

I felt her shift her weight as she released my wrist and gripped me tighter around my waist, she raised her right knee to get a better angle and she started swinging that damn hairbrush at my already sore ass. Immediately I was wriggling and kicking and crying with complete abandon. It hurt so bad! Only 4 smacks in and I started begging, "OW, please Quinn, please Ma'am, I am so so sorry, PLEASE!" "I won't be late ever again, I promise! OW please STOP!" "I'll be good, I SWEAR!" I kept begging until I just couldn't get words out anymore only squeals and desperate cries and little choked sobs. Gone was all coherent thought. I kicked wildly and I heard Quinn snarl, "Hold still!" and she applied two quick hard smacks to the backs of each previously unpunished thigh. My ass was on fire and I couldn't put that fire out no matter how hard I squirmed around. It was futile so I quit fighting. She kept spanking.

And then suddenly it was over, and I was lying limply over her lap crying harder than I had ever cried before. She started rubbing my back and softly comforting me, "that's my girl, that's my good girl, it's all over now, and you are forgiven." Suddenly I understood, I didn't hurt inside anymore, I felt all my depression and anger uncoil and just let go. I felt loved and cared for, even if I was not going to sit comfortably again for quite some time and I understood the gift Quinn had just given me. No one had ever cared about correcting my behavior before. I had always been alone it seemed. In that moment I knew, Quinn cared! Not just about the job, but me as well.

For a few minutes I laid there trying to get my ragged breathing and quiet hiccups under control as she continued to rub my back and speak gentle words of comfort. I felt loved, I felt forgiven. Then Quinn tenderly helped me up. I stood in front of her with my head down trying not to hop from foot to foot from the pain when I noticed the rather large wet spot on her work slacks. Oh dear God, how could I be aroused and be in that much pain at the same time. I was praying that the ground would just open up and swallow me before she noticed but no such luck. I heard a quiet chuckle and she said, "I think you might have mixed feelings about your punishment little girl." I was mortified and then she quickly cupped her hand against my sex and slid a single finger up my very wet slit. It felt so damn good! I couldn't stop from shivering. Another chuckle, "yes indeed, very mixed feelings I would say." I leaned against her involuntarily, my forehead against her shoulder and groaned out a guttural animal moan as she slowly slid my underwear back up over my sore and swollen ass. "You can finish getting dressed," she said very gently.

When I was finished I turned to her, feeling like I should say something but nothing seemed right. She put her finger under my chin and said softly, "look at me sweetie!" I blushed even harder and felt like I would spontaneously combust from the combined heat in my ass and my face. "Unfortunately for both of us, this was a punishment for very bad behavior and I do not mix business with pleasure!" Quinn said very succinctly, "Perhaps in the future if you learn to curb your bratty behavior, we can try this again - next time for pleasure!" She leaned forward very slowly and gently kissed my forehead, "now go home and don't you DARE be late tomorrow morning or you won't sit for a month, is that clear?" I managed to stutter out a coherent reply and scooted out of the office as she placed one more firm swat to my already aching ass.

On the ride home my feelings were all over the place. Clearly she cared about me as she took the time to correct my behavior and didn't fire me. Was it ok to want her to correct me was the problem. I was not a child anymore and was it ok to need help changing? I felt strange wanting her attention, wanting her guidance, NEEDING her discipline. Was I just some pathetic weakling with no self-discipline? I was torn in all directions. I only knew two things for sure; I didn't feel guilty anymore and sure as hell wasn't going to be late again for a very very long time.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**Well that's chapter 1, let me know what you think. Chapter 2 will be up later tonight, it will be in Quinn's POV. I'd love to get some feedback on the story.**_


	2. No Matter Where You Go, There You Are!

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee, characters not in the show belong to me.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**Some of this story included flashbacks, they are italicized!**_

_**Chapter 2 No Matter Where You Go, There You Are!**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I drove home from work thinking about the events of the evening. I had opened a door with Santana Lopez but I'm a little afraid to walk through it. The girl is damaged; there is no denying it. I'm sure she can be saved though, with the right woman with the right skills and the proper mind frame. I'm just not sure if I want to be that woman. I feel things for Santana, real things, deep things, and I really thought I had closed those doors forever. Getting in so deep with someone this troubled and in need of intensive help would lay me emotionally bare again, and leave me vulnerable and I swore never to go back there again. Not after the last time, that relationship had very nearly killed me.

Santana Lopez scared me, hell Santana Lopez was me; at least the Quinn Fabray of a decade ago, the Quinn Fabray that was saved by Julia Morgan.

I took a quick look in the rear view mirror, and wiped away some of the smudged mascara. I wish I didn't always cry after disciplining someone I care about, "I guess that makes me a bad top," I whisper to my reflection.

I wipe away the still falling tears with the back of my hand and swore softly. Every survival instinct was telling me to run, and never look back, but my heart, always the betrayer told me she could be the one.

I could just leave it where it stood now. I doubt the young woman would be as self-destructive as she had been previously. Santana Lopez had a good idea of consequences, and she knew I didn't play games, so she would probably tread lightly for a little while anyway.

I laughed scornfully, mocking my own inner voice; even I didn't believe my own bullshit. It wasn't true, and I knew it because I understood it better than anyone; I had lived it. Santana would behave for a short while until her inner demons started to drive her crazy again. Once they did; she would test the water, start pushing, keep demanding the attention she unconsciously desired, to exact the punishment and forgiveness she desperately craved. When I refuse to take the reins, Santana Lopez will self-destruct. With no one to bring her to heel, she will implode from the guilt and shame that drives her.

The road in front of me blurs, as my hazel eyes filled with tears again. Santana would dismantle all that was good in her life, and there would be no one to bring her back from the edge of the cliff. I've seen it happen before, and I don't know if I can live through watching it happen again.

"Fuck," I am far too emotional to make the right decision on my own. I glance quickly at my lady Rolex and though it's later than I like, I make the split second decision to make the phone call.

"Hello." I am relieved she answered the phone. It's been a while since our breakup and her habits might have changed with age, God knows some of mine have.

"Julia, it's Quinn Fabray," She laughed out loud and it instantly pissed me off a little; I wasn't that naïve college student anymore, her favorite bottom. I was the CFO of a major international company.

"What's so funny?" I snapped a little more harshly than I had originally intended.

"Watch the tone, brat! You're not so rich and important I can't still tear up that beautiful little backside of yours," She said sternly quite pleased when she heard a quick and sincere, "Sorry, Ma'am," from me, my old training quick to the forefront.

"Now what I was going to say before you so rudely interrupted me, was I still only know one Quinn Fabray. Quite frankly, baby you're a little bit unforgettable, so the last name wasn't really necessary."

"I know I'm sorry it was a bit of a stressful day, and that's just a habit from work," I said quietly into my Bluetooth.

"What's wrong, princess, you sound pretty upset?"

"I know it's late but do you think we could meet, I really need to talk to you?" I tried unsuccessfully to keep the emotion and tears out of my voice.

"It's never too late if you're in trouble, and you know that! Are you close to Charlie's place?"

I breathed a sigh of relief at the mention of our old, familiar hangout, "I can be there in 20?"

"Perfect, I will see you there at our old booth; sounds like this conversation might need some privacy?" The older woman said knowingly.

"Thanks Julia, as always you still know exactly what I need before I do!" I cooed in a teasing, sultry, alto voice. The one that used to go right to her center, and make her wet.

Julia snorted out a laugh, "Don't even try the old Fabray charm with me, I'm immune remember?"

I grimaced at the sudden embarrassing memory of old, "All too well, Julia, I remember all too well. See you soon!"

We both hung up and I headed to Charlie's Place; the dive bar over by the old college dorms that afforded us the privacy we would need tonight.

_**-0-0-0- Flashback 0-0-0-**_

_Julia Morgan was sitting in Charlie's Place at one of the quiet and dark back booths. It afforded her the peace, quiet and privacy she craved. The serious young woman was tall and athletically built with short black hair and flashing green eyes. She was just finishing her Masters in Psychology and had come in early for a quick sandwich and a coffee before she headed back to her apartment to work on her dissertation._

_She especially wanted to avoid all the drunken new college students who came in after 10 pm. Many of whom would be crawling back to mommy and daddy by Spring Break freshman year, before heading off to the more suitable community colleges in their hick home towns. Having realized you couldn't party your way through a university like you could high school._

_Julia was not usually such a curmudgeon but she had just ended a relationship with the woman she thought was the one, and she was in no mood for idiots tonight._

_She heard the obnoxious drunk laughter before she saw the crowd filter in, and started to pack up to go. That was when she saw her; the young woman that would change her life forever. She was young, very young, probably only 18 years old and incredibly good looking. The blonde was not just pretty, she was breathtaking and probably the most beautiful girl Julia had seen in a very long time._

_The blonde was not as drunk as her companions, but she was still a little more than tipsy. Julia felt an urge in her gut telling her to sit back down and watch for a few minutes. She always listened to her gut. It never served her wrong._

_The blonde and her mixed group of young men and women walked over and sat at the table across the room from Julia, she could see and hear them quite well, as they were being a bit boisterous. Something that normally would irritate the brunette but tonight she felt glad for. Of course, if you asked her why, she wouldn't be able to explain this sudden need to know this beautiful blonde. It wasn't really lust, although she felt a familiar stirring in her belly looking at the girl, but this girl was clearly out of her class. She was prom queen material, she was Miss Ohio beautiful, and she was very nearly Hollywood beautiful. She definitely wasn't Julia's type; she always fell for the distant, intellectual snobby types._

_She watched more closely and could see the girl had the confidence, and arrogance that came from beauty and from money. Miss Ohio had grown up rich, but she didn't look happy, not at all._

_Julia heard someone call her Quinn and ask what she wanted to drink. Julia smiled, the name fit her; it was unique. Quinn turned to look at the waitress to relay her drink order when she met the startling green eyes of the brunette who was unabashedly staring at her._

_Quinn smiled kindly at the older woman, and turned back to the girl and gave her the drink order for the table._

_Julia felt her heart skip a beat, and was intrigued by her reaction to the junior beauty queen._

_**-0-0-0-END FLASHBACK-0-0-0-**_

Julia got to Charlie's Place before her ex-girlfriend, and ordered an herbal tea and sat down to wait for Quinn to arrive. She was quite curious to find out what was going on with her. Julia hadn't heard from her in a while, not since Lacey's death. She was afraid Quinn would go back to her old self destructive behavior after the young woman killed herself, but Quinn had done the opposite. She had closed down and closed off, and pushed herself to work harder and be perfect. She had become quite successful although Julia guessed not very happy.

Deep in thought, she didn't hear the bell over the door chime and was quite surprised to look up into the amazing expressive eyes of the woman she would always love in one way or another.

"Hi Julia," I said softly leaning over to gently kiss her soft cheek, "now this brings back memories," I said as I took off my coat, casually draping it over the back of my booth as I looked around the room.

"Princess, every time I come here I think of you, and the first night I met you! You were sitting at that table right over there." She said pointing a slender finger towards an empty table.

I laughed a genuine musical laugh that always made Julia's face light up, and she laughed herself when I said, "Don't remind me!"

"So what's got you so tied up in knots tonight, baby?" Julia leaned forward and asked softly, surprising both her and me by taking my hand gently in her own, "Hmm? You can tell me you know, I am a Psychiatrist."

I smiled lovingly and said, "I know and if I wanted to be analyzed I would have made an appointment, but tonight I need my oldest and dearest friend."

Julia returned my smile, and nodded.

I started to tell her about my evening with Santana Lopez.

_**-0-0-0- Flashback -0-0-0-**_

_Julia felt the call of nature, and got up to use the restroom. She came out and went to wash her hands when the blonde crashed through the bathroom door with a redhead, both clearly wasted._

_"__Quinnie c'mon, David wants to go get tattoos tonight, you would look so awesome with a tattoo," Red said._

_"__No she wouldn't," Julia thought to herself, "It would only mar that beautiful porcelain skin."_

_"__Besides, we've already flunked that stupid class anyway, even if we gave up partying and studied every night until the final we still have like zero chance of passing anyway," Red continued._

_Julia took her time rewashing her hands slowly hoping the girls were too drunk to notice how slow she was being. Quinn was leaning against the other sink, checking out her makeup, and fixing her lipstick._

_Julia looked up and caught Quinn's eyes. This time Quinn didn't smile. She turned to her friend and leaned back against the sink, and crossed her arms. _

_"__C'mon Quinnie what do you say?" Red begged._

_"__I say you quit fucking calling me Quinnnie, I already told you how much I hate that name."_

_Julia snorted out a laugh and Quinn turned to her, "Can I help you with something, you've been staring at me all night?" Quinn demanded in a snotty, irritated tone._

_Until the day she died, Julia would never know what possessed her but she said, "Yeah, you can quit hanging out with these brain dead idiots, skip the tattoos and the drunken binges, and make something out of yourself. You're clearly better than they are, you're clearly better than even you know," She grabbed a towel and dried her hands and headed out to get her gear and get the hell out of the bar and back to her apartment._

_She heard Red sputtering, "What a fucking cow, who does she think she is talking about me like that?"_

_She couldn't make out what Quinn said to Red in reply. Julia went to her table and gathered up her things. She ripped out a piece of notebook paper and wrote the word "Tutor" at the top with her name and added her cell phone number to it._

_Quinn breezed past her and headed to her table, grabbed a pack of cigarettes, and went out the front door._

_Julia said goodnight to the waitress, left a tip, and followed Quinn out the front door. She walked right up to her and handed her the ripped paper, "If you want to quit fucking around with your life and make something of it, call me. I can help you find your way."_

_Quinn took a long drag off her cigarette, "To bad I'm not lost!" She said sounding less cocky and more hesitant than she had intended._

_Julia stared into the gorgeous hazel eyes and said softly but with feeling, "Oh yes you are little girl, and what's worse is you know it," She held the paper out again and Quinn refused to take it._

_Julia chuckled and stuffed the paper in Quinn's jeans pocket and headed home, certain she would never see or hear from the blonde again._

_**-0-0-0-END FLASHBACK-0-0-0- **_

Julia listened to the whole story before responding, "Jesus Quinn, what the hell were you thinking. You're her boss. If she reports you, it will destroy your career, you could get arrested for assault, you could go to jail."

I scoffed, "She won't report me."

"How can you be so sure?" Julia insisted.

"The same way you were so sure about me," Quinn said simply, "Julia, she needed this, she wanted this, whether she knows it or not."

"If you're so sure, then what's the problem exactly?"

"I think I should just leave it alone, I gave her a good healthy dose of consequences. She's going to think twice before she goes back to acting the way she was before her spanking."

"Ah I see, so we have a wonder brat, fixed by one spanking? Damn girl, I didn't know you were that good?" She looked at me in mock amazement. Her sarcasm always rubbed me the wrong way, especially when it was pointed in my direction.

"There's no need to get snotty Julia, I gave her a taste of what would happen if she continued down the road she was on. She has to grow up and start taking responsibility for herself, and her own actions," I huffed frustrated with the way this conversation was going.

"What if she doesn't know how yet? Who's going to show her? I'll bet she has non-existent parents, she probably has no friends that she lets in past her walls, and no lover that gives a damn about her at all. So who besides you, Quinn actually gives a shit if she lives or dies?

"Goddamnit Julia that is not my problem, and she is not my responsibility!" I said loudly causing the people two tables over to turn and glare at me. I waved my apologies, and leaned in closer to Julia.

"I know and you weren't my responsibility either, but where would you be if I had left you on that street corner?"

"I'd be dead," I thought to myself, but I didn't say it out loud. It didn't matter if I did, we both knew the truth.

_**-0-0-0 flashback**_**-0-0-0-**

_Julia had been unable to concentrate on her dissertation so she tried going to bed. She tossed and turned for at least two hours before falling into a fitful sleep. She was dreaming and the phone was ringing in her dreams, until she realized she wasn't dreaming at all, the phone was actually ringing. She grabbed it and heard Quinn's voice, "Julia? I'm lost in what looks like a terrible neighborhood, do you have a car? Can you come get me? I can pay you whatever you want."_

_The brunette reached over and grabbed her glasses and found a notepad and a pen, "Can you see any street signs?"_

_"__Uhm Grant and Hudson?"_

_"__Jesus Christ Quinn, unbelievable! That's a terrible neighborhood. Is there anything open close by, there used to be an all-night diner over that way?"_

_"__I see it, The Sidewalk Café?" Quinn asked._

_"__That's it; I know exactly where it's at. Go inside, order a cup of coffee, and some toast to soak up the alcohol and wait for me. Don't talk to anyone except the waitress, don't go to the bathroom, and don't go outside to smoke. Do you understand me?"_

_"__I got it, thanks Julia!" Quinn said sincerely._

_"__Well we will see how grateful you are tomorrow little girl," Julia huffed, scooped up her car keys out of the bowl by her front door, and headed into the ghetto to pick up Quinn her mystery blonde._

_Luckily for Quinn, she was exactly where Julia had ordered her to wait. Quinn paid the waitress flashing a wallet full of cash, and followed Julia out to her car._

_"__Do you even know where you are?" Quinn shook her head no. "You are in the worst neighborhood in the city; drunk and flashing a wallet full of cash. Do you have a death wish little girl, or are you really just as stupid as your friends?"_

_Quinn opened her mouth to speak but Julia just held her hand up, "That was rhetorical, I already know the answer. We are going to my apartment so just sit there and shut up if you know what's good for you."_

_They got back to the apartment and Julia made Quinn a bed on the couch. She handed her a glass of water, and some aspiring, and made sure Quinn was comfortable. Julia hung out in the living room, until the teen passed out before she headed to bed herself._

_Julia was an early riser, she always had been, and no matter what time she went to bed she could never sleep past 7 am. She opened her eyes, looked over and was shocked to see the blonde girl in bed with her, but curled all the way on the other side of the bed as close to the edge as she could get. Julia smiled softly, clearly the girl was needy for love and acceptance, but unable to trust or show her vulnerability._

_The brunette stared at the girl who looked even younger asleep and felt her heart break for the obviously lost girl. Julia was pissed off now, she had sworn after Dawn she was through with needy women. She was not letting another person into her heart, her home, and her life that didn't totally have her shit together. Being a psychology major, it didn't escape her attention that she was constantly picking up strays. _

_She got up and put on a pot of coffee and waited for the blonde to wake up. She had a big decision to make._

_**-0-0-0-END FLASHBACK-0-0-0-**_

"C'mon Quinn, you were many things but never a liar. Why don't you just admit what this really about? This Santana reminds you of Lacey, and it scares the shit out of you. She's damaged and alone and scared and has no idea how to change by herself, but if you try to help her you have to let her in and you haven't done that with anyone since Lacey, have you? You won't allow yourself to be vulnerable ever again, not since Lacey broke you."

"I'm not broken Julia, I came to you for advice. I am well aware she is not Lacey, but I don't need another damaged, needy woman in my life right now. I am not Mother Fucking Teresa saving the unwashed masses!"

"You're the one who opened that door tonight, princess. You could have just fired her, showed her the door and been done with it, but you saw something worth saving just like I saw something in you that night."

_**-0-0-0 flashback**_**-0-0-0-**

_Quinn drug herself out into the kitchen two hours later, and plopped down at the dining room table holding her head in her hands._

_Julia got up and poured her a black coffee, grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge, and a bottle of Advil out of the cupboard and set them down in front of the hungover blonde._

_"__Go take a shower; take the coffee and water with you. Then come out we have some things to talk about."_

_Quinn just nodded and headed to the bathroom. She hadn't said one single word yet. 30 minutes later she emerged from the bathroom in a pair of sweats and a tee shirt that Julia had set inside the bathroom for her._

_She sat back down at the table across from Julia who glared at her, "Do you have any idea how lucky you were last night?" She was glad to see Quinn look embarrassed._

_"__How did you even get there last night?" Quinn shrugged her shoulders and looked at the water bottle like it was the most interesting thing on the planet. She was playing with the label like a guilty little girl._

_"__You have a decision to make, Quinn. I can help you, but what you did was stupid, selfish, thoughtless, immature, and reckless and you need to be punished for it before I can help you."_

_Quinn's hazel eyes snapped up to meet angry green eyes as she immediately understood what was being offered to her. A chance at redemption; someone who could help her out of the black hole she had drifted into. But at what price, what was the catch, was this Julia just a psycho who enjoyed hurting people?_

_Julia knew Quinn understood her offer, she was smart and quick. She might not understand domestic discipline but she knew she was offered a second chance. Now she had to get the blonde to trust her._

_"__Punished how?" Quinn asked, her voice wavering with emotion._

_"__I'm going to spank you for being so reckless and irresponsible and for putting yourself in a situation last night that could have gotten you killed. Then we talk about where to go from there. It's your decision, Quinn. You can choose to leave and I will drive you home and you can run your life any way you see fit, or you can submit to me and together we can fix this mess of a life you're living."_

_Quinn flushed a deep red and was torn, she didn't want a spanking. The one's she had received at her father's hand were nothing short of abuse. Yet she could see kindness and compassion in Julia's eyes, nothing she had ever seen in her parent's. It had been so long since anyone looked at her that way. She was drowning, and she knew it. Her life was spiraling out of control and she was scared of the consequences. She couldn't go home a flunk out; a Lima loser. For the first time in her life, Quinn made a decision that required trust but despite her anxiety she did it anyway._

_"__Alright Julia," Quinn raised her chin and looked the woman in the eyes._

_"__Alright what, Quinn? You have to say it," Julia said gently._

_"__I agree to let you punish me," Quinn said barely getting the words out, she was terrified._

_"__You understand this is a punishment, therefore you have no say in the matter. It's not sexual or kinky and I don't get off on hurting people. You don't get a safe word, and you don't get to say when it's over. I am a dominant, a top and this spanking is part of what is called domestic discipline? It is done from a caring heart, so it is not abuse although it is going to hurt like hell," Julia explained patiently. This wasn't her first time at the rodeo, but clearly it was for Quinn._

_Quinn didn't waver, "Yes! I understand all that."_

_"__Alright Quinn, go back into the bedroom and stand in the corner, hands clasped behind your back, nose in the corner and do not move from that spot until I get there. Do you understand, little girl?"_

_Quinn was taken aback and slightly overwhelmed but she nodded yes anyway._

_Julia said gently, "From now on in this position, it's yes ma'am, or no ma'am, alright?"_

_Quinn said softly, "Yes ma'am."_

_Julia smiled gently and with affection, "Good girl, I'll be in shortly."_

_**-0-0-0-END FLASHBACK-0-0-0-**_

_**To be continued…..I will try to get 2 more chapters up tomorrow, but at least one. Send me some feedback I would appreciate it. I've never written first person voice before. Let me know if it's working, is it confusing, etc.**_


	3. A Better Way

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**Some of this story includes flashbacks, they are italicized! They take place 10 years earlier when Quinn is an 18 year old college freshman.**_

_**Chapter 3 A Better Way**_

**QUINN'S POV**

I sipped at my club soda and pondered what Julia had said before responding, "Yes, Santana has great potential Julia. She is really smart, passionate, and feisty even; yet she still submitted willingly. Left to her own devices and without guidance, I'm afraid she is incredibly self-destructive and making really stupid choices."

Julia chuckled, "Sounds like someone else I once knew."

I acknowledged the truth in Julia's statement with a small nod, "The really big difference between us is her anger. I mean I was lost but I was never that angry. She is so filled with this rage, she is like a powder keg just waiting for something to touch it off and explode. "

"And you're afraid when it does, it will take her down with it aren't you? If you've let her in then if she goes down, you go down," The brunette said softly.

"Of course, and I went there with Lacey, almost all the way down," I sighed, "Yet, I can't stop worrying about Santana. It's obvious some really bad things happened to her in her past."

"Maybe, probably, but on the other hand if she didn't really have anyone to show her how to behave like a responsible adult, she is going to act out. It might be the only attention she ever received. You know the old bad attention is better than no attention, especially if you're a kid or a teenager and desperate for someone to just fucking notice you!" Julia said with feeling. She saw many such kids in her practice brought in by parents who were willing to spend the money but not give the necessary time and attention. It drove her absolutely crazy knowing the next stop for many of these kids was a court docket and juvenile detention if not jail.

I took another sip of my drink and swirled the tinkling ice cubes around the glass. I was deep in thought, "You may be right about that Julia; she has that attitude of being an island you know, like she doesn't need anyone when she clearly desires and fears it at the same time. She has this constant "Fuck you" attitude she wears on her sleeve. It's actually as endearing as it is infuriating," I chuckled to myself, remembering how adorable the cocky, Latina could be.

"Something else the two of you have in common my dear. The whole fuck you attitude as well as being endearing and infuriating at the same time. She also seems to be aware, as you were that you were messing up your life but just didn't know how to fix it and stop the downward spiral. Except you were not so submissive first time out of the gate, remember?"

I laughed my first genuine laugh of the evening as I remembered back to all those years ago, "I guess I am just not as good a bottom as I am a top."

"Right, or maybe it was just the prospect of getting your cute little backside tanned that caused the hesitation?"

I gave Julia "the look" as the brunette laughed merrily, "I'm immune to the look as well as the charm little girl, and don't forget it."

_**-Flashback—**_

_Quinn stood in the corner with her hands entwined behind her back feeling like a complete idiot. She didn't even know this woman, what was she thinking? She was just about to turn around and leave the room when she heard Julia enter it._

"_I'm actually surprised to find you still standing there," Julia said quietly. She watched Quinn's back heaving in suppressed emotions._

"_I understand that you're afraid…" Julia started gently._

"_You don't know a fucking thing about me," Quinn spun around and glared at Julia with hard hazel eyes that were flashing green._

_The brunette spoke in a low even tone, "First of all, I picked you up in the middle of the night and gave you a safe place to stay even thought I was under no responsibility to do so. I think I deserve more respect than I'm currently being shown."_

_Quinn took a deep breath and tried to calm down, "I'm sorry for snapping at you."_

"_Make sure it doesn't happen again. Now Quinn, this was your choice, if you've changed your mind, that's fine with me. I'll just take you back to your place. No harm, no foul," Julia said patiently._

_Quinn felt like she was being dismissed and she didn't like it at all, "I didn't say that, I just think I have the right to ask a few questions seeing as we just met last night," It came out a bit more petulant and whiny than she would have liked, and that irritated her as well. Quinn Fabray had taken care of herself since her parents threw her out when she was 15 years old. If she didn't whine then, she sure as hell wouldn't now._

_Julia sat down on the mattress and carefully regarded the young woman in front of her. She had a lot of potential, which was plain to see. The girl was not only beautiful, but she had more brains than most of her group put together. Still, she was flunking classes and seemed lost with no direction. That was a very bad place for a highly intelligent person with baggage to be in. The blonde was also lucky to be alive after that stunt in the ghetto last night. Julia knew that Quinn needed someone to guide her, but she could see the blonde was as skittish as a thoroughbred race horse. It went against all her instincts, but she would let the blonde ask her questions._

"_All right, Quinn. I'll allow you your questions. What would you like to know?" She patted the mattress next to her. _

_Quinn made her way over and sat down next to Julia. She didn't know what it was about this woman but she just had an air of dominance about her. It made her uncomfortable as Quinn Fabray had never been a follower._

_Julia waited a moment then spoke up, "Let me ask you a question, have you ever been spanked before?"_

"_What my father did was what I would characterize as abuse; it was about control and making himself big and me small," She spat out. _

"_Well that is definitely not what domestic discipline is about," She noticed Quinn's look of skepticism, "Let me explain. What did you feel when your father was finished?"_

_She saw Quinn give the question serious thought and she liked that. "I felt mostly ashamed and embarrassed."_

"_Did you ever feel forgiven, like you'd been given a fresh start? That you were able to put the past behind you, and you could start all over again? Did you ever feel the person punishing you was offering you a clean slate, and they had put your wrongdoings behind them as well?"_

_Quinn scoffed in wry amusement,_ "_No, never. He always held everything over my head, he never forgot the past. He brought up my mistakes over and over again. I never felt forgiven, if anything I felt more and more guilty every single time I was punished, like my sins were accumulating in his eyes."_

"_I believe that once you've been punished for something, it's over. You should feel relief, and not have the burden of guilt and shame hanging over you for something you've done in the past. You make a mistake, you are punished for it, and you start all over again and honestly try not to make the mistake over again. You will actually feel the relief of being loved and completely forgiven. It's quite powerful."_

"_So why spanking, I'm not 6 years old anymore?"_

"_The punishment is not always a spanking, which is usually for the more flagrant, dangerous or repeated bad behaviors. There are other punishments as well, like writing lines or time-outs, groundings, taking away privileges. Last night, you could have been killed. It was reckless and stupid and in my opinion deserves a spanking. You're clearly very intelligent, and yet you're failing classes, why?"_

_Quinn looked down in embarrassment, she really had no excuse for that at all, nor did she understand it._

"_I wasn't there but in my opinion your father failed in the most important job he had; to guide you, to hold you accountable, help you grow into a responsible adult, and love you in order to teach you to love yourself. When you do well you feel good. Along the way, you learn to govern your own behavior because your parents mold you by applying love and discipline when warranted. Instead, he bullied you and taught you that might equals right. You're stuck and you're lost and you don't know how to dig yourself out of this hole you're in. You're terrified of failure, but without help you're doomed to it. I can help you, and deep down inside I think you know it."_

_Quinn knew Julia made sense and somehow despite all the odds, she trusted her, just a little bit but it was a start._

"_So if you agree to this arrangement, I can help you succeed. I will hold you accountable for your actions and discipline you when you don't reach your own standards or when you break the rules we agree on. If you try, really try and allow me to help you, you will succeed beyond your own expectations. Oh and for the record, I don't condone spanking children especially not the way you were spanked. The adult Quinn has a lot of bad behaviors and habits that need addressed, and this is the way I do that."_

_Quinn stood up slowly. Julia stood up next to her, "Do you need some time to think about all this? I know it's a lot to take in," Julia said kindly._

"_No, I want to succeed and you're right I am lost. I have been since I was 15 years old. I won't go back to Lima, Ohio a failure. I left there a disgrace and a failure, and I won't do it again," She said passionately. Julia smiled when Quinn discretely wiped a few errant tears. This girl had a tiger inside of her, just dying to claw its way out._

"_I don't know exactly what happened when you were 15, but I will bet that it was more your father's failure than yours. We can talk about it more when you feel comfortable with sharing your story with me, ok?" Quinn nodded and tried to hide the tears that were coming down heavier._

"_Are you sure, Quinn? Really sure this is what you want? I would never force you to do something you are uncomfortable with."_

"_I'm sure!" The blonde said with sadness and finality._

"_All right then, please go into the bathroom. In the top drawer on the right hand side is a wood backed hairbrush, please bring it to me," Julia said sternly, the time for talking was over._

_Quinn walked into the bathroom to grab the hairbrush, and returned to the room to find Julia seated at the wooden desk chair. She walked over, and stood in front of Julia looking at her feet._

"_Why do you deserve this spanking today, Quinn?"_

_Quinn's hazel eyes looked up into Julia's emerald green eyes in confusion; no one had ever really asked her what she had done before, "I went into a very dangerous neighborhood; drunk and without thinking about the consequences of what could happen to me there."_

_Julia nodded, "Anything else?" She asked softly._

_The blonde searched her heart and finally said, "I went out drinking instead of studying last night. I'm failing a really easy class because I get lonely and want to hang out with people instead of studying. Sometimes I can't bear to be alone, it gets so heavy and I feel like I'm going to break apart, if that makes sense. I lie to everyone because I am so afraid no one could ever really like me for me. I gave up on myself and my dreams, and I quit trying," She finished in a rush, embarrassed by her disclosures._

_Julia was deeply touched by the girl's honesty and genuine emotions. More than ever she knew helping this girl and letting her into her life was the right choice, "Alright Quinn, I need you to lay over my lap now."_

_Quinn looked like a deer caught in headlights; this was all so new and suddenly real, she felt paralyzed. Julia chuckled and reached up and tipped the blonde over quickly, "Keep your hands in front of you; I don't want to accidently hurt your hands. It helps if you grab the chair leg or my leg; it's grounding to hold onto something. I will tell you when this spanking is over, and not the other way around so don't try to get up without permission, or we start all over again. You won't want that, believe me. Ready?" _

_The entire time Julia was speaking, she was rubbing circles on Quinn's bottom, it was relaxing, and comforting somehow._

_Quinn nodded her assent, and Julia started to apply swift hard spanks to the blonde's sweatpants covered backside. She kept up a steady rhythm to warm the girl up knowing she was not accustomed to this type of discipline. Julia tried to keep the image of what Quinn's father had most likely done to the girl in the past out of her mind._

_When Julia felt Quinn was sufficiently warmed up, she hooked her fingers in the sweatpants, and swiftly pulled them and her panties down to the blonde's mid-thigh. Quinn's protests were quickly swallowed as Julia increased the strength of her swats. Tears sprung to the blonde's eyes as the difference between over pants and bare was felt immediately. She tried to keep her composure, as she really didn't know how to act being over Julia's knees. She didn't have time to reminisce as the stinging pain became sharper and more pronounced._

_Julia was keeping a close eye on Quinn's reactions as this was the girl's first real experience, and she was trying to make a point not to break the girl. She could see Quinn was stubborn so she really hoped she didn't have to push her too far to achieve a small breakthrough today. Julia was trying to be careful not to lose Quinn into her own head. She wanted her to feel her punishment, and was watching the girl carefully for any signs she had stopped feeling the effects of the spanking._

_When the blonde's pale backside had achieved a bright pink glow, Julia picked up the hairbrush and brought it down quickly and made a direct connection right in the middle of Quinn's backside._

_Quinn squealed out in pain and nearly jerked off of Julia's lap, "Finally!" Julia thought to herself._

_She tightened her grip around the blonde's slim waist and adjusted her back into position over her lap. She raised her knee to bring the girls rapidly reddening backside into direct view, and applied firm hard spanks. She set a pattern, two spanks to the right and two to the left then two directly center. Quinn's backside was bouncing with each spank, and she was crying out in pain with each contact._

_Julia took this moment to lecture, certain the girl was present, "You will never do anything so dangerous again. Getting drunk on a school night and wandering into the ghetto with a wallet full of cash is reckless, and dangerous. I care about you, even if you don't yet care about yourself," she brought the hairbrush down hard on Quinn's sensitive sit spots where her milky white thigh met her buttocks. Quinn didn't know yet, but when Julia started lecturing, the spanking was nearly over._

_The blonde cried out when the hairbrush hit the previously unpunished area, and begged for the spanking to stop, "I'll be a good girl, and I'll never do anything like that again. Please it hurts so bad, I'm so so so so sorry," she hiccupped between cries._

_That was exactly what Julia was waiting for, a moment of true remorse and attrition. She gave the girl one last almighty swat that made Quinn moan out in one long sob. Julia set the hairbrush down on the floor, and started to rub the girl's back. Her bottom looked too painful to touch just yet._

_Quinn felt she couldn't stand anymore and was going to try to wiggle off Julia's lap when she noticed the spanking had stopped. She heaved a deep breath and sobbed in pain and relief and started to cry in earnest. It was like all the bad things she had been holding inside were finally being released; like a pressure valve had given way and all her stress was being released._

_Julia whispered comforting words to the sobbing girl on her lap, and let her regain her composure for a few minutes, as she continued to rub small circles on her lower back. When she felt enough time had passed, Julia gently helped the girl to her feet and moved them over to the bed. She gently guided Quinn to lie next to her; the blonde quickly shifted her weight onto her hip and placed her head trustingly in Julia's lap, desperate for the comfort she instinctively knew Julia could provide her. Julia let Quinn cry while she told her over and over that she was such a brave girl, and she was forgiven for everything that happened. Julia assured the penitent girl she had a clean start, and that she was no longer upset with her. They would start all over fresh. She just kept whispering the words of comfort she knew Quinn desperately needed to hear._

_Julia ran her fingers through the shoulder length blonde hair over and over until she noticed Quinn was asleep._ _She looked down at the sleeping punished young girl with pride and affection. Yes, she had certainly made the right decision. Quinn Fabray was special, and she had so much to offer the world if only she could reign in her drive and ambition. Julia knew she could help this girl, and was so proud of how well she had taken her punishment._

_A domestic discipline lifestyle wasn't for everyone, Julia knew that, but Quinn Fabray was ready to be forgiven and move on. Julia could help her do that._

_**-End flashback—**_

I blushed a deep scarlet, remembering the first time I found myself over Julia's lap, "Ok fine, maybe it was not so easy to go over your knee, and be spanked."

Julia laughed, "That's not an easy lesson for anyone, little girl. So, have you made a decision about this girl, Santana?"

"You don't want her do you, Julia?" I teased, my hazel eyes dancing with merriment.

"No thank you, I'm all wore out after a certain blonde ran me ragged a few years ago."

I reached my hand out and held Julia's tan one tenderly, "Thank you for saving me, Julia. I wouldn't be where I am today without you, and everything you did for me."

Julia's green eyes filled with tears, "You're welcome princess, but you did most of the hard work. I am so proud of the woman you have become, the woman I saw in you that first night. You need to let go of the pain, Quinn and the past. You need to help this girl, she isn't Lacey."

"I know Julia, I know, I'm just scared. She is so intense, she scares me and I am not sure my heart can take losing again."

"Then don't lose, princess, be firm and take control. You know how to do that, I know you were taught well. Maybe you and this girl, Santana can save each other, the way you helped save me!"

"I love you, Julia," I really meant it, and my eyes pricked with sharp tears. I would be dead without this woman, and I owed her everything. Was I strong enough to do for Santana, what Julia had done for me? I had to try.

"I love you too, Quinn Fabray. You will always be the most special girl to me, and I will always be here for you."

It was getting late, and Julia looked tired. I had taken enough of her time, and I knew what I had to do. We both stood up and Julia pulled me close to her, "Keep in touch, princess and let me know how things are going, I'd really like to meet the spitfire who seems to be capable of taming my wild child."

"I promise I will, Julia. I'll call you soon, and thanks so much for tonight," I whispered lovingly.

"You better, I know where you live," she gave me the stern glare that used to fill my belly with butterflies of dread and anticipation, and then laughed at my obvious discomfort.

I got in my car and drove home, determined to help Santana Lopez work through her demons and become the woman I knew she was capable of being, "God help us both," I muttered to the universe.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**End of Chapter 3, so this is how Quinn was introduced to DD as Julia's bottom. Any feedback would be appreciated. Hope you liked it. To be continued…**_


	4. Pain and Solitude

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**Some of this story includes flashbacks, they are italicized! They take place 10 years earlier when Quinn is an 18 year old college freshman.**_

_**Chapter 4 Pain and Solitude**_

**QUINN'S POV**

I got to work at 6:00 am on the dot, just like I always did. I like to relax, have my coffee and get in some light reading before the actual work day started at 8 am. It was my me time; I got to catch up on emails, and read the Times, treats I didn't have time for in the evenings. This quiet relaxation allowed me to not get stressed out at what was always a demanding work day, even more so since Santana Lopez joined my staff and wormed her way into my heart.

I sat back in my chair and thought about Julia; it was wonderful to see her again. I grabbed my iPhone and entered a reminder to call Julia again in a few weeks. I let too much time elapse without talking to or seeing her. I can't bear the thought of losing touch with the only real family member I have left.

All my life I felt different from other little girls, and I fought hard against my attraction to women. Once I finally had the courage to come out, my staid Catholic family had refused all contact with me. I found myself alone and abandoned once again, just like when I was pregnant. To be rejected out of hand by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally and have your back no matter what, is a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Julia is the only reason I survived that time period. It was Julia who held me in her arms and rocked me like a baby when I cried all night from the pain, fear, and loneliness. It was Julia who gently shook me awake when the nightmares and night terrors plagued me. It was Julia who had forced me to remain focused on my goals, and not give in to the despair, depression, and the overwhelming desire to give up. It was Julia who sat in the seat reserved for my parents at my college graduation; yelling and cheering embarrassingly when I achieved summa cum laude. Hell, it would probably be Julia who walked me down the aisle at my wedding. For a long time she was my mother, father, sister, best friend, and lover and it was unforgivable that I drifted so far from her, but Lacey nearly broke me. I had isolated for far too long, it was time to start living again and Julia reminded me of that again last night.

Holidays can still be very hard and sometimes late at night when I can't sleep, I wonder if my mother ever thinks of me, if my father regrets his actions, and why my sister Frannie never contacted me. On those rare nights the pain becomes unbearable, and it feels like a red hot poker is being twisted in my guts, and my heart literally aches in my chest so badly I wonder if it's about to stop beating. Alone in the dark, my insecurities flair, the walls close in and I find myself fighting a feeling of claustrophobia and dread so smothering I have to fight the onrush of the panic attacks that always come next. I feel so alone I just want to die. On those nights, and only those nights, I take the strong sleeping pills prescribed to me, and float off into blissful nothingness. Well, that's not entirely true; I also take one every year on the anniversary of Beth's birth when the pain and regret become even more acute if that's even possible.

I am painfully aware of my family's long and sad history with alcoholism, so I typically abstain from alcohol and drugs, even prescribed medications. I would on very rare occasions indulge in a glass of white wine, but club soda with lime is my drink of choice these days. I feel my face heat up as I recall two very painful trips over Julia's knee when I had returned home drunk on school nights and missed the next morning's classes. I suppose I should credit those unpleasant experiences as motivation enough to avoid addictive substances as I haven't found it necessary to overindulge since then. Let's just say that Julia's spankings are very persuasive.

I sip my coffee and idly glanced at the clock, Santana had 10 minutes to be at her desk. After last night's events, the only valid excuse for being late is if she quit or died. I hope she isn't one of those girls who will push me for a reaction; if that's the case she is going to be one very sorry little girl.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I woke up two hours earlier than normal when I accidently roll over on my very sore, very swollen ass. How in the hell am I supposed to work sitting down all day today? This situation is fucked, who ever heard of getting spanked by your fucking boss?

I try to fall back asleep; I huff and roll over, fluff the pillows, straighten the sheets but then I have to pee and I'm up. I hate getting up early; it's all that fucking bitch Quinn Fabray's fault. I always know what to do and how to handle myself in any situation, but today I'm nervous and I don't even think I can look my boss in the face. Uncertainty is not a familiar feeling, and I don't like it.

Moaning like a little bitch, I get up and take a shower. I try to keep my sore ass out of the hot water, but fail miserably. Getting dressed is an excruciating task that takes twice as long as normal when I try to find an outfit that won't aggravate my tender backside. It throbs so badly as I wait for the coffee to brew, I swear my ass has its own heartbeat.

I choke down some aspirin and fill my travel mug with scalding hot, strong coffee and head to work over an hour early. I take my time and still arrive at the parking garage with over 40 minutes to spare. I sit in the empty garage feeling like an idiot. All she needs to do is say jump, and I ask her how high. Being compliant is not a feeling I'm used to or even like, but Quinn Fabray is clearly not playing games and I'm stubborn but I'm not stupid. Begrudgingly I leave the comfort of my car since my ass can't take sitting as I wonder once again how I'm going to make it through today. I hid out in the restroom until its 5 minutes before my start time, and saunter slowly and casually to my desk like the badass I am. With 2 minutes to spare, I clock in and think to myself, 'Take that Quinn Fabray, you are not dealing with some passive, scared, little girl. I'll clock in when I want to clock in.' I ignore the voice in my head that screams I'm a pussy for hiding in the bathroom for half an hour.

I boot up my computer, and pull out the budget reports I've been ignoring for weeks from my locked drawer. There's a big meeting this afternoon, and I'll be fucked if I'm missing another deadline. I sip my coffee, and notice Quinn getting water from the cooler. Damn, she is one hot woman, a complete psycho but still very very hot. I watch as she bends forward to fill her cup and nearly moan as I see her tight skirt strain against her ample yet perfect ass. I will admit, I am an ass girl, I can't help it, and Quinn's is sublime. I imagine bending her over and spreading her cheeks as I lick my way to her heavenly puckered hole. Hmmm I can almost hear the noises she makes as I rim her, driving my tongue past her solid ring of muscle as I slide two fingers into…..

Of course she picks this very minute to stand up, turn around, and bust me in the middle of my imaginary love affair with her ass. I'm startled and embarrassed, and I jump in surprise, as I flush a deep red. I try in vain to look like I'm working, so I shuffle my papers around like a moron which fools no one.

Then she walks down my aisle and all I can think is 'keep walking, keep walking, keep walking' since I am nowhere near ready to look her in the eye, let alone talk to her.

"Good morning Santana, I hope you slept well after our discussion last night? You will have those budget reports finished for the 3pm meeting I presume," It's not a question, it's a fucking demand and she pisses me off with her haughty holier than thou attitude. I return her look and she's smirking at me! Bitch wants to play? Well I can play with the best of them, "Yes Quinn, I was _**completely**_ worn out by the time you finished with me last night," take that bitch, I challenge back.

I fill that one innocent comment with enough sexual innuendo to keep the office gossips busy for a month, and her Serene Highness is clearly not amused, "I really hope you're not too worn out as I have a feeling we will be having a similar discussion very soon," I see her raise one perfectly shaped blonde eyebrow sky high; she meets my challenge and raises me one. She turns brusquely on her heel and walks back to her office with an angry clip to her step. I should be afraid, but damn she really turns me on. I smile cunningly, I'm pretty sure I won that round.

The redhead next to me leans over and whispers, "I don't know how you have the nerve to talk to her like that, she scares the shit out of me."

"Who? The ice princess? Please, she's all bark and no bite. I've seen her type before," I reply back in a cocky voice as my ass continues to throb painfully as a reminder I am truly playing with fire.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I wore a polite mask all the way back to my office, and resist the urge to slam my office door. That cocky little brat! Well, let her save face with her co-workers all she wants because her ass is mine, and she knows it. I knew she was still hurting from the way she was sitting; I'd had plenty of experience on the receiving end myself. I knew what it looked and felt like to have to sit on a sore bottom all day. I sat down, closed my eyes, and took a few calming breaths; I had an important overseas conference call at 9 am with our office in London, and I have to stay focused.

I called my assistant and let her know I would be ready to accept the conference call in 5 minutes. Uninvited pictures of smoky eyes, pillow soft lips, and long jet black hair filtered into my mind; Santana is a stunning woman, and the type I usually find attractive; exotic, graceful, and alluring with the face of an angel and body made for sin. Her looks are fresh and natural, and I doubt she even needs makeup because what she wears is classy and minimal.

I smile as I recall her checking out my ass, that look was pure lust. I thought back to last night, about that naked, caramel colored ass over my knee submitting to my will, and I moan softly as a surge of pure pleasure shoots to my core. My clit actually vibrates and I shiver as I almost come right there in my office just from thinking about Santana Lopez and that perfect backside. Not at work, I cannot afford to think about this at work. Focus and think what Julia would say about indulging in these types of fantasies at work.

The urge to take Santana on top of my desk starts to lessen as my phone rings with my call. I'm grateful for the distraction. I cannot get involved with Santana Lopez sexually, she is just too fragile right now, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I grab my iPad, pick up my phone, and go back to work.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0- **_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I've been disappointed and irritated all day long. Quinn stayed firmly planted in her office and it left me with an ache of desire to just see her. I don't know why I'm acting like a love sick puppy today; she stays in her office most days. It's as disconcerting as it is unexpected. I should hate the haughty bitch, but I can't. Every time I hear a door open, I look up eagerly, disappointed once again when it's not Quinn Fabray. Pavlov's dogs got nothing on me.

My ass is killing me, and I can't get comfortable no matter how I sit. The only bearable position is to shift all my weight to my hip, but I can only bear that for a short time before my hip gets sore and uncomfortable. I just know I'm going to have bruises all over my hips to match my ass by the time I leave the office today. I still have the 3pm meeting with Quinn and the accounting staff to sit through, and I know she is going to notice my discomfort and be insufferable all afternoon.

I eat my lunch alone standing off to the side of my co-workers. They know I am unapproachable; most have stopped trying to start small talk with me by now. I even suspect some of them are afraid of me. That cheers me up for a second, but I'm lonely, not that I would admit it to anyone. I just can't tolerate their banal, sophomoric conversations. It gives me a headache, and reminds me of high school. Today, like every day, all anyone is interested in is who is sleeping with whom. They're all idiots.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I walk past the lunchroom and notice Santana standing up alone and away from everyone else. It looks like she's trying to be invisible. Against my will because she certainly deserved the punishment she got last night, I feel a surge of compassion for her. When she's not trying to look hard and tough, she reminds me of a young girl desperately clinging to her airs and masks. I spent many meals standing up, and many nights sleeping on my stomach during my 4 years living with Julia, so I can certainly relate to how Santana is feeling today. I find a spot where I observe Santana undetected, and remembered the first time it happened.

_**-flashback-**_

_Julia came home later than normal and a little tired, hungry, and grumpy. The apartment was quiet and she wondered where Quinn was, she should have been home by now. She checked her phone to see if there were any messages or texts as she walked in the kitchen to put the tea kettle on._

_The blonde was standing in the kitchen leaning up against the sink eating a plate of food with a pained expression on her face._

"_There you are, what's going on?" Julia gestured to Quinn leaning on the sink as she sorted through her mail._

_The hazel eyed blonde pouted and said, "I couldn't sit down to eat at the table like a civilized person because my ass still hurts too much from this morning."_

_The brunette nodded in understanding, "Well then, I don't suppose you're going to come home drunk and high on the night before a big Physics test again, will you? Any food left?"_

_Quinn looked at her pitifully, "I made extra for you, Chinese vegetables with peanut sauce. There's a can of crunchy chow mein noodles in the cupboard or brown rice on the stove," she nodded with her head._

"_Thank you, princess that was really sweet of you," She leaned forward and pecked Quinn gently on her cheek and went and fixed a plate stopping to glare at the blonde when she noticed her still pouting, "You can lose the pout it doesn't work on me. You're not a victim here; you made a choice and now you're suffering the consequences of that choice."_

_She sat down at the kitchen table and started to eat with gusto, "Damn this is so good, you are a fantastic cook. You never cease to amaze me! How did your test go?" Julia asked around a mouthful of food._

_Quinn just smirked at the older girl and shrugged noncommittally, "It went alright, it felt good like I knew what I was talking about," Quinn watched as Julia continued to shovel food in her mouth when the tea kettle started to whistle, "Stay there Julia, I got it."_

_Julia waved her thanks and Quinn laughed, "You act like you're half starved, did you get a chance to eat today at all?"_

_The green eyed brunette made the so-so motion with her left hand as she continued eating with her right. She had just landed an internship with a prestigious Psychiatrist; she had her TA responsibilities, and was working on her finishing her dissertation before the deadline. It was all very stressful and time consuming. _

_Julia also took her responsibilities towards Quinn seriously as well. The blonde was doing so much better, with only a few slipups like last night. She was keeping an eye on the blonde lately as something seemed to be bothering her, but Quinn wasn't ready to open up about it yet and share, and Julia respected that. She figured the blonde would tell her when she was ready._

_Quinn walked over and handed Julia a mug of herbal tea with honey, "Who gets to spank you when you wear yourself out and get sick?" The blonde said in a teasing manner, but with genuine concern in her eyes and Julia was touched._

"_Do you want to know the big difference between you and myself, Quinn? I really do know my limits and I actually know how to take care of myself. For example, tonight after this lovely dinner I am going to take a hot bath and read my class assignment while I soak, then I am going straight to bed."_

_She stood up and washed her dishes and put them in the wooden dish dryer, "Thanks again for dinner, it really was much appreciated. Leave the dishes; I have an early day tomorrow I'll be home at a reasonable hour and I'll take care of them then."_

_The brunette turned back to Quinn, "Come back to my bedroom for a second, I want to check your backside and put some cream on it," She said in a tone that offered no room for argument._

_The blonde loved the feel of the cool cream being rubbed into her aching backside but she was incredibly embarrassed to be lying face down on the bed with her sweat pants around her ankles having someone examine her. Julia recognized this and also knew Quinn was a proud young woman so she treated her in a clinical manner to lessen her humiliation, "Damn your fair skin, we have some minimal bruising and a fair amount of swelling. I would like to keep an eye on it for a few days; I'm going to use the Calendula ointment instead of the aloe. It's an anti-inflammatory as well so it should not only help with the bruising but the pain and swelling as well. It wouldn't hurt to take it with you and use it a couple times a day alright?"_

_"Alright, thanks Julia, I'll take care of it!"_

_Julia continued in a business like tone, "Are you taking the arnica as directed?"_

_Quinn had her face buried in the pillow to hide her embarrassment so her voice was muffled, "I'm taking it."_

_The brunette just laughed at the adorable blonde and patted her softly on her lower back, "Come on Bashful, its ok to get dressed."_

_Quinn quickly pulled her loose sweatpants back up and got to her feet, "Thanks Julia, good night."_

"_Quinn?" the brunette called out as the blonde was leaving the bedroom. _

_The blonde turned around, "Yeah?"_

"_Make sure all your assignments are finished, all right?" Quinn nodded in agreement and smiled, "You know Quinn, if you need to talk I'm always here to listen. I know our arraignment is probably very strange and new to you right now, but I'm your friend as well and I have a feeling you have some heavy things on your mind. So putting all judgments aside, I'm here if you need me, besides I'm almost a shrink," She finished with her emerald eyes twinkling and her famous lopsided grin that always made Quinn laugh._

"_I know Julia, thanks, and goodnight."_

_The brunette had a later class than Quinn the next morning so she walked into the kitchen to grab a juice and she noticed all the dishes had been done and there was a brown lunch bag with her name written on it in Quinn's distinctive handwriting. She opened it and saw a very nice and healthy lunch had been packed for her. For the second time in 24 hours, the blonde had done something incredibly sweet and thoughtful that touched her heart. _

_Julia sighed, she had just ended things with Dawn, she really couldn't afford to go falling in love with another mixed up crazy blonde bottom. The only problem was this girl was different; she was going places if she could focus on her goals. The brunette knew she had some baggage as well and until Quinn was ready to really open up and trust her, Julia worried it would just blur the lines and confuse Quinn if a romance entered the mix. She would keep her thoughts to herself for the time being, but she was falling for the blonde and she couldn't deny it, and it looked like Quinn had feelings for her as well._

_**-end flashback—**_

I just shook my head and laughed, this would be the first of many meals Santana Lopez ate standing up, if I have anything to say about it. Brats with cocky attitudes and big mouths usually wind up with very sore bottoms.

My heart ached noticing how the Latina had distanced herself from all her peers and didn't interact with any of them. She is in pain, the distancing is a protective device and it convinces me even more that Santana needs my help. As much as I might want her in other ways, I can't take that chance until she begins to trust me and open up to me. I got involved with Lacey and it didn't end well, and I live with that guilt every single day. I won't make that mistake ever again.

In my experience, mixing sex with discipline just messes everyone up. There was a time and a place for everything. As far as I know Santana might have changed her mind about submitting to me. Only time will tell before that enormous chip on Santana's shoulder causes her to screw up again and when she does, I'll be waiting to reel her back in.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**to be continued… I hope you are enjoying the story….let me know if you are.**_


	5. Losses

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**There is also talk and possible flashbacks to emotional / physical abuse. If this bothers you please be aware it is there.**_

_**Some of this story includes flashbacks, they are italicized.**_

_**Chapter 5 Losses**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I toss and turn again and then look at the clock, "God, now its 2am, I have to be up in four fucking hours, this is ridiculous," It always starts the same way, first those realistic, terrifying nightmares and then I'm too afraid to close my eyes again. I'm worrying about how late it is, and how early I have to get up for work. I'm anxious, stressed out, and exhausted; this always happens when the nightmares start again. They disappear for weeks at a time, but they come back regularly. If I fall asleep this close to morning there's a good chance I'll oversleep and be late for work. Great, now I have that pressure to worry about as well, I do not need to incur the wrath of Quinn Fabray on top of everything else today. It's a vicious circle and I watch as 3am comes, then 4am, then 5am. I might as well just get up already so I don't accidently oversleep; I'm too wound up to rest anyway.

I can't believe I am at work more than 2 hours early, Jesus how ridiculous. I'm all grown up and afraid of the dark, and the nightmares that spring unbidden every time I shut my eyes. I might as well be 2 years old all over again, and afraid of the monster under my bed. I made a pot of strong coffee, fill my mug and take a second cup in a Styrofoam cup. I'd mainline the shit if I could, but I'll have to settle for drinking it today. I'm too exhausted to hide in the bathroom, and my ego can't take feeling like a pussy today so I just go sit at my desk, drink my coffee, and catch up on my neglected personal email account. Let's see, I don't need any Viagra today, I'm not stupid enough to believe someone will send me $5 mil for just cashing a check for them, I highly doubt I'm going to drop dead if I don't forward this PowerPoint to 20 of my closest friends, and I _**really **_don't want to meet a nice Christian man….. Why do I even have an email account? It's all crap.

After I deleted the spam and the chain emails and the stupid jokes there are only two emails left. The first one is from my older sister, it's her monthly 'are you still alive?' email. It's the same shit every month, "Do you know you're killing Mamí with all your lies? Do you know how selfish you are insisting on living this sinful lifestyle? Do you know the Bible says that gay people go to Hell? Brittany gave up being gay and she is married to that sweet blonde boy who just happens to be a good Christian, and they have two kids already. Why can't you give up being gay, don't tell me it's not a choice? As long as continue this lifestyle you are not welcome home and your niece and nephew will never know you unless you stop being so selfish….. blah, blah, blah…. I think she just copies and pastes the same guilt trip every month.

Usually I can't be bothered with her emails; I know what Sylvia thinks of me, she's been telling me what a disappointment I am all her life. Sylvia is 8 years older than me, and has been a miserable bitch her entire life. I don't expect support from her. Her little digs about Brittany and Sam really hurt though, every single time. I try to push the pain aside, but with no sleep I have no energy to fight the pain and grief.

_**-flashback -Senior year of high school-**_

"_I tried San, really I did but I'm just not brave like you. Sam loves me, and he can give me a normal life with children and a family. Your family hates me; Sylvia keeps telling me I'm dragging you to Hell, and all my mother does is cry every time she looks at me. I just don't want to do it anymore. I can't do it anymore. Besides, it isn't fair San, you broke up with me and now you want me to drop everything and get back with you. I've moved on, I think you need to as well."_

_Santana stood there looking at the love of her life desperately, "I made a stupid mistake, baby. I need you. Besides, we love each other, and we don't need their approval. We don't need them. As long as we have each other baby, we'll be fine."_

_Brittany stood there looking very uncomfortable, "I do need them Santana. I want my family to approve of my life. I want my parent's in my life and my kids lives."_

_Santana saw Troutie at the end of the hallway trying not to look like he was watching them, "What's going on Brittany? Really just come out with it, what are you trying to say to me?"_

"_I didn't want to hurt you San, I do love you but not the same way you love me. It can't work. I want normal, I want drama free," The blonde looked at the Latina sadly._

"_You want Sam," Santana said sadly._

"_You'll find someone, Santana that can love you the way you deserve to be loved; someone who can love you just as you are. I'm sorry but it just can't be me," She leaned forward and kissed Santana gently on her cheek, "You'll always be my best friend," she said sadly as she turned and walked down the hall to join up with Sam._

_Santana watched the love of her life walk away forever, and felt her heart splinter into pieces. She didn't want to be best friends; she wanted her lover back. _

_She had been invited to their wedding, but couldn't bring herself to be civil enough to show up. Her bitterness spilled over into the rest of her life, and she became rude and angry and hostile to everyone, now it was just habit._

_When Sylvia's email sent word of the birth of Brittany's daughter, Santana got drunk and hid away for a week mourning the loss of the children she would never have with Brittany. The same thing happened when she got word of Brittany's son being born. It was too painful accepting the fact that Brittany's kids would never be her kids._

_**-end flashback-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I sat at my desk, at my normal early time and noticed that Santana had clocked in more than an hour earlier than normal. That was worth investigating. I turn the corner, and stop in my tracks. Santana is staring off into space, and she's crying. I know instinctively she won't appreciate an audience, especially not me. Santana is a strong woman for all her demons; I know she has her pride. The arrangement we have is not about humiliation, and I'll do anything to prevent her from feeling shame over the fact she needs order and discipline in her life. I watch her try to get her emotions in check, and her struggle makes my heart break for her. I can see she is struggling with something very real and painful. I decide to give her some space; we are the only two in the office this early. She'll never know I was watching her cry.

I walk back to my office quietly, and run scenarios through my head. I need a plan for how to handle this without sacrificing Santana's dignity. I doodle on a notepad for a half hour, and then pick up the phone and dial her extension.

"Santana Lopez speaking, may I help you?"

"Santana, it's Quinn Fabray, can you come to my office please? I need to talk to you."

I hear the hesitation in her voice, and I smile, "Yes of course, I'll be right there," I know she's frantically trying to figure out how she could be in trouble. From experience, I know her heart is pounding out of her chest, and her mouth just got bone dry. It's mean to be amused by that, but I can't help it, she is just too damned adorable.

I hear her heels on the hardwood floor, and from the rhythm she is moving fast, has to be nerves. The footsteps stop, and she hasn't knocked yet, she is taking a minute to calm down. I can picture her standing in front of my door, shifting from foot to foot, taking deep breaths. Finally, she knocks, and I don't have the heart to make her suffer any longer, "Come in please Santana."

She pushes my door open, and stands in my doorway like a small child waiting for admission to her parent's bedroom, "Good morning, can I do something for you, Quinn?"

I smile and I know my eyes light up as I can feel the warmth in my heart, "Yes, you can come in and sit down and talk to me," I stand and walk to the couch she was punished on, and pat the seat next to me.

She eyes her cautiously and I almost laugh out loud, "I don't bite, I swear."

I see her bite her tongue, and I smirk knowing she just bit back a smart aleck response. She finally gives in and sits down next to me; far enough that she is out of reach, but not far enough to be rude. It is unintentionally amusing.

I want her to relax so I begin talking softly, "First of all, I wanted to tell you that I'm very proud of you. You've been on time every day, and you're clearly putting a great deal of effort into your work and it shows. If you keep doing work of this caliber I see a brilliant future for you."

Santana looks surprised, "Thank you, I have been trying."

I nod proudly, "It shows in your work, in your effort to be on time and follow the rules, and in your general attitude. Well done, Santana. Keep up the good work."

I lean back into the couch and cross my arms, "If you don't mind, may I ask you something personal?"

I watch Santana smirk and nearly laugh out loud, and I know what she's thinking…. the beauty queen, the ice princess who had paddled her naked ass was asking for permission now to ask something personal. It was funny in a perverse way. I'll explain the difference between submitting for a punishment, but still keeping healthy boundaries later. It's too soon to overload her with information. I'm not even sure she wants to be part of this arrangement still. I can see she's curious about what I want to ask, so she nods her permission.

"I noticed you earlier at your desk, when I was getting coffee. You seem upset about something. You also seem a little tired lately, are you feeling alright, Santana?" I ask kindly. I do care about her personal welfare, and I want her to know that.

I watch as she stares into my eyes, gauging my truthfulness and the genuineness of my offer. She is careful, and I don't blame her. I see she's been hurt by someone deeply in her past. I can see the wheels turning in her mind, as she weighs my offer. I know when she makes her decision to share some of the truth but cloak it in humor. It's part of her defense mechanism, I've seen her use it before. My favorite is to scare people away by being a huge bitch, I know Santana uses that one as well.

"I received another nasty email from my older sister, they come pretty regularly. You will probably find this very hard to believe, but I am considered the black sheep of the family," She laughs at herself, but it doesn't reach her smoky eyes. I see pain in her eyes, not humor. I know the self-deprecation is a trick she learned very early in life; laugh first, laugh loudest, and then they are laughing with you and not at you. It hurts less that way. It wasn't a trick I was ever able to manage, but she's good at it. Humor as a shield is an important part of the avoidance arsenal and it indicates to me a painful lonely childhood.

I put my hand on her thigh reassuring, "I know our relationship is a little complicated and probably a little confusing to you right now, but if you need to talk my door is always open. I mean that alright? If you come to me and share what you have going, not only will it stay private but I might be able to help. You know before you find yourself in trouble again," I shrug with a touch of humor.

"Thank you, Quinn but everything is really fine; I just had a hard time sleeping last night so her email got to me a little bit. It usually never does when I've been sleeping."

I reach over and gently touch her cheek, not in a sexual way but in an almost maternal way and I can see that my kindness and acceptance almost make Santana come completely unglued. I watch helplessly as she fights the urge to lean into my caress. The poor baby needs mothering so badly it hurts my heart again, and a sudden lump appears in my throat. I dark anger burns inside me, and I suddenly want to hurt whoever hurt her. It's irrational but it's present.

"You've been doing such a good job lately, why don't you take today off, Santana?" I blurt it out before I think of what I'm saying.

The Latina looks up at me in shock, "Seriously?"

The shock and innocence of her question cause me to laugh out loud, and it seems to relax her, my laugh, "Yes, seriously but only if you go home and get some rest and take care of yourself. It won't do for you to get sick now, would it? Not when you're doing so well."

"No, that would not be good at all. I really appreciate this; I really do need some sleep. Thank you Quinn!" I could see she was grateful and sincere. It was one step closer to her trusting me just a little bit.

She abruptly stood up from the couch and starts to walk out of my office. I watch as she stops at my door and hesitates. She's looking at me and I know she wants to say something, "I just had a stupid bad dream; I haven't been out drinking or drugging or sleeping around or anything," I watch in amusement as realization dawns on her face as to what she just said to me. She must be very tired. I can tell she wants to kick herself, but I find it incredibly charming. Her words are so sweet and sincere, it makes me want to laugh in genuine delight, but I know if I laugh she's going to take it the wrong way and be hurt by it. I don't want to destroy the new start we've just made so I say, "How very disappointing, and boring."

She gives me a weird look like I have grown a second head, and backs out of my office babbling, "Well, yeah thanks Quinn, I'll see you soon, right, I'll see you in the morning."

"Sleep well Santana, rest up and I will see you tomorrow," I wait until I'm positive she was out of earshot before I laugh merrily at her explanation for why she was so tired, it was priceless.

I decide to finish up my never ending work early, and see if Julia is free for dinner. I find myself wanting to share details of my budding relationship with Santana with her. I know she can help me stay in line, and not give in to my growing desire. Julia is a wonderful top, and a caring beautiful woman and she is the one who can help me handle Santana Lopez.

I grab my phone and shoot off a text to Julia. I'm delighted when she agrees to meet for dinner.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0- **_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I quickly walk down the hall to my desk to grab her keys and coat, "I haven't been out drinking, drugging or sleeping around? Seriously? What are you 12 years old? Could you be any more uncool Lopez? How does that woman turn you into a babbling idiot every single time?" I berate myself mentally. I honestly cannot figure out Quinn Fabray or the effect she has on me.

She seemed genuinely concerned for my well-being, like she really cared about my email, my sleepless nights. It was weird? Maybe she wasn't all about control and power, if that's the case I seriously misjudged her.

I sit down and open my email. I delete Sylvia's diatribe and log off the computer and clock out. I slowly put on my coat, deep in thought. Just because it's daytime doesn't mean I'm going to be able to sleep without the ghost of Brittany Pierce, the specter of my family, and the ache of the lost children that will never be.

A few drinks might help me forget and sleep, but I don't want to get drunk; lately I'm not sure what's going to happen when I do. Sometimes I get angry and sometimes I cry but it's not going to help to show up looking like shit in a sack tomorrow after Quinn very graciously gave me the day off. I better stick to herbal tea and boring Lifetime movies, which should help me sleep. If it doesn't, at least I can be lying on the couch resting.

I punch in the parking garage floor on the elevator, and see Quinn looking at me through her office window. She smiles and waves, and without even planning it I smile and wave back. I get on the elevator pretty and punch the button hard, I'm pretty sure Quinn thinks I'm a halfwit. I certainly act like one every single time I'm around her.

It causes a pang in my heart to realize the woman is way out of my league, and I just am not good enough for her. I couldn't even hold on to Brittany, I can never capture the love of someone like Quinn Fabray.

I go home and plant myself on the couch watching cheesy movies, and stay sad until it's time to go to bed, and I honestly don't even know why the thought of Quinn Fabray being someone else's wife hurts so badly. Maybe she just reminds me of Brittany, and all that I've lost.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**To be continued… I'll try to get another chapter up later tonight or tomorrow but then I won't upload again until Monday. I have some plans for this weekend. Leave me a review if you liked it, and have a great weekend!**_


	6. The Turning Point

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**Some of this story includes flashbacks, they are italicized.**_

_**Chapter 6 The Turning Point**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I'm watching Santana Lopez closely since praising her attendance and performance. Some people needed the positive as well as negative reinforcement, most people in fact. But, there were some people who don't respond well to positive reinforcement, they imploded. I'm very pleased to see that Santana is not in that small percentage of people who self-destructed when things are going well in their lives.

_Something_ is going on with the dark haired beauty though; she is unsettled, moody, and emotional and looks like she hasn't slept despite her attempts to conceal the dark circles with makeup. She's keeping a secret; I'd bet my life on it.

I know secrets, I kept one until it almost killed me. Thank God for Julia. It probably would have killed me if not for Julia's love and attention.

I've gone out of my way to remind Santana that my door is open if she needs to talk, but since that one time a few weeks ago when Santana mentioned a disturbing email from her sister, she hasn't said anything personal to me again. She's kept any conversation with me at a minimum, and strictly professional. Although she is slightly infuriating at times, she hasn't broken any rules or done anything that demanded any type of intervention from me, so I leave Santana alone. She knows how to find me, if she needs me. I just pray she is smart enough to come to me before I need to go to her again. The girl is stubborn, and has no reason to really trust me yet, but maybe she'll surrender her pride and ask for help before whatever is bothering her kills her, like it did Lacey. That's my fear, and it's always in the back of my mind. But as Julia once told me, some people's bottom is 6 feet under, and you can't save everyone you care about. They have to care about themselves. That's the truly hard part of letting people in past my walls, the pain of potentially losing someone I love; and I'm moving in that direction with Santana. I love her spirit, her humor, her intelligence, her talent; and I'll be honest, long tan legs that don't quit and a perfect ass doesn't hurt.

In the meantime I just watch and look for signs of impending doom. I really don't hold out much hope of Santana opening up voluntarily, God knows I only opened up when I finally cracked wide open and not before.

Meanwhile I spend way too much time thinking about and worrying about Santana Lopez. I glance at my watch when my stomach growls and realize it is almost time to go home. I lean my head back in my chair and remember that awful day all those years ago when I was finally ready to pack it in and just give up, it's a scary day when you think you have nothing to live for anymore.

_**-flashback-10 years earlier- Quinn has just turned 19 years old-**_

_Julia came home late again; her day had been long and stressful. She was dealing with some severely mentally ill people in her internship and it was very emotionally taxing and physically draining. Her compassion for those poor sick people knew no bounds, and she gave far more of herself than she probably should have. She had been withdrawing emotionally just a little so she could conserve energy, but she really hadn't noticed that it was affecting Quinn._

_She had no idea of the blonde's abandonment issues as Quinn had never told her about what happened when she was 15 years old. Julia knew the girl was emotionally fragile but she was so wrapped up in her own life at the moment, she had left Quinn to her own devices. Quinn seemed to be doing so much better, and responding well to rules and discipline._

_The brunette threw her keys in the bowl by the front door, and walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea to help her relax. They had been dealing with a manic young woman with borderline personality disorder, and she had made Julia's life a nightmare this week._

_Julia looked around and didn't see a note from Quinn, which was weird. She had been living with Julia for just over 6 months and she knew the rules. If you were going to be late, you texted, called, or left a note. It was just common courtesy, and it was a rule Julia insisted on. She always let Quinn know when she would be late, it was only fair. The simple truth was she worried about the young blonde, and was still trying to keep some tabs on her whereabouts. She had sent Quinn a text hours ago letting her know she would be late. Since she hadn't received one in return she assumed the girl would be home when she arrived._

_She tried Quinn's cell phone and it went right to voicemail, "Hey Quinn, Julia. It's just after 10 o'clock at night and you are not here and there is no note. I'm a little concerned. Please call me back when you get this, let me know that everything is ok," she was a little more aggravated then worried since it was May it was nearly finals and Quinn probably just lost track of time. Still, a rule was a rule and she didn't want Quinn to needlessly find herself in trouble over something as simple as a missed phone call._

_Julia checked Quinn's bedroom to make sure she hadn't turned in early, and the bathroom to make sure she wasn't soaking in the tub reading, something they both loved to do; all with no luck._

_The brunette sat down and pulled out her laptop and looked through her dissertation until her eyes started to cross. She had an uneasy feeling in her gut about Quinn, and it wouldn't allow her to just go to bed and ignore the blonde's absence. Julia tried to think back if she had missed any warning signs, and started to feel guilty when she realized she really had been quite self-absorbed lately. She had left Quinn alone quite a bit lately feeling secure in her progress, and realized now a little belatedly that what she mistook for being quiet and studious could really have been the blonde retreating behind her ever present thick walls. Julia felt Quinn had been doing so much better lately that her emotional distance might have been misinterpreted by the blonde as a lack of interest. She knew she had many skills that would make her a really good psychiatrist, but she lived too much in her head and needed to communicate better verbally. It had always been a problem for Julia. _

_That sobering thought caused a stab of pain in her chest as she heard her ex-girlfriend, Dawn yelling as she stuffed her belongings in a suitcase, "You just checked out Julia, it was like I wasn't even there anymore! It's like you take a damn vacation inside your own head. You haven't really spoken to me, I mean really looked at me and spoken to me in weeks! In the future, just an FYI, some people might consider being treated like a piece of furniture insulting!" She had grabbed her overstuffed suitcase and stormed out, slamming the door behind her, leaving Julia standing there in shock. She cursed herself for not learning her lesson the first time. Quinn was fragile, and Julia regretted not being more present for the young struggling blonde._ _The green eyed brunette felt a small rush of panic when she realized she had let the stress of her internship and dissertation cause her to treat Quinn the same way she had treated Dawn, "Damnit, where was that girl?"_

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_Quinn was sitting alone in the dark on the bench in front of the school's library lost in thought. It was Beth's birthday; she was three years old today. The blonde was tortured by images of her daughter on a daily basis, but this day of all days was unbearable. _

_All day she had pictured the tiny baby with the perfect nose, peaches and cream complexion, and blonde fuzz on her head. She could feel her nuzzling and nursing at her breast, hear her soft snorts as she suckled, see the little fist curled up by her nose as she slept. Quinn could smell the perfect scent of the lavender baby lotion. That simple smell a smell evoked memories so painful Quinn had to avoid the baby care aisle in every store she entered for fear of a complete emotional and mental breakdown._

_The blonde wondered what Beth looked like now; did she still have blonde hair, and did she look more like Puck or more like herself? What was her first word, when did she take her first steps, was she happy, was she serious, what did her laugh sound like? She was plagued with doubts about Shelby; she had been a terrible mom to Berry, would she be a better mom with Beth? Would she abandon Beth when she got older, like she had abandoned her first born? The fear drove Quinn to distraction. _

_Quinn knew she had brought this on herself, this Hell on Earth she was living. It was her own personal and moral failure that caused it. Her mother, Judy, had told her that on Beth's first birthday. Judy had caught her crying and slapped her, "You have no right to cry today. You should be praying for forgiveness. It was your own sin and selfishness that caused this pain in your life. Shut up and live with it as a way to atone and earn forgiveness from God and from your family. Don't ever let me see you crying about that bastard child again, or your father will give you something to cry about!"_

_She was being eaten up by guilt, shame, and remorse. She sat completely still trying to reign in her emotions and deal with the pain that was so acute Quinn was sure she would shatter into a million pieces if she dared move. She could barely even breathe it was so painful._

_She had been sitting in the same spot not moving for hours. It was late May so it had been warm earlier in the day, but it still got cold when the sun went down. She didn't even notice the chill, but if she had she would have been too paralyzed to do anything about it. _

_Quinn wanted Julia to hold her and make it better, but she knew deep down that Julia no longer wanted her. She had somehow become a burden to the older girl she had begun to love. Since Puck and her night of gay panic as Quinn referred to her tryst with Noah Puckerman, Quinn had dated a few women but not one had ever meant anything to her. They were a warm body to stave off the horrific loneliness she sometimes felt, nothing more. No one but Beth had ever mattered to her, until Julia._

_Quinn knew deep down she was starting to have feelings for Julia, and she had never felt anything like that for any other man or woman in her life. She had dreamed of sex with Julia, waking up with a blush on her cheeks and a burning in her belly and had to touch herself to relieve the pressure. At one time, she had started to believe that the brunette had felt the same for her, but something changed and the blonde really couldn't pinpoint what it was. _

_It always happened though, when the blonde dropped her guard and someone got to know the real Quinn Fabray; they left or they threw her out like her parents had. She'd been waiting for it since she moved in with Julia Morgan, but she had started to think this girl was different than everyone else she knew. It was so painful to find out that once again, she wasn't good enough to love or commit too. It made sense though; if your own parents couldn't love you and they were pretty much required to love you by some moral code, then obviously there was something incredibly wrong with her, so how could she expect someone she only knew a few months to love her and accept her? _

_That's why this anniversary of Beth's birth and adoption was so fucking painful. Deep down she finally saw with amazing clarity; she didn't deserve to be Beth's mother. Even though she had given Beth to Shelby out of love and a desire for Beth to have a good life, she would never be good enough for Beth. She would always be the slutty head cheerleader who got pregnant at 15. Her parents were right; she was a disgrace and always would be._

_All the self-doubts and fears she had spent the last 6 month working on came flooding back and she was slipping into a dark depression again. All her hard work was slipping away, and she didn't care anymore, about anything, and now with Julia gone, she couldn't think of one person on Earth that did care. She might as well be dead._

_The blonde hadn't noticed all the people that had walked past her all day, she hadn't noticed her body's need for food or water, she hadn't noticed the cold. She was wrapped in a cocoon of pain and misery and god-awful loneliness._

_Quinn barely noticed an older girl with long, light brown, frizzy hair; glasses and an armful of books sit down next to her on the bench. She didn't notice anything until the girl started to poke her in the arm persistently, "Hey, have you word one word I've said to you these last few minutes, are you on drugs or something?"_

_The blonde turned slowly to stare at the girl who looked vaguely familiar and cleared her throat painfully, "I'm sorry?"_

"_You're Quinn, right? I'm Naomi! I met you at the study group Julia had at her apartment. You're friends with Julia right? Her roommate?" She prodded. This was not the same witty, gregarious, and happy girl she met at her friend's house._

_Quinn nodded and just went back to staring; trivial conversation was too painful today. She just wanted to be left alone. She just wanted to die. She barely noticed when Naomi got up and walked away, searching her pockets for her cell phone._

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_Julia had finally fallen into a fitful sleep on the couch when her cell phone rang startling her. She scrambled to answer it, hoping it was Quinn Fabray. She felt vaguely annoyed and disappointed when it turned out to be her friend Naomi._

"_You're sure it was Quinn? Yes, she is hard to mistake for someone else! Thank you so much Naomi, I really appreciate it. Yes, of course you did the right thing calling me, something is clearly wrong if she is acting like you said. Ok, lunch it is, thanks again and bye!" Julia heard the phone disconnect from the call but held it to her ear for another minute or so. She couldn't believe that Quinn would be sitting on some park bench high. She had been punished twice for that and the blonde was not a slow learner; something else was going on, something big._

_Julia grabbed her coat and snatched her keys on the way out of the apartment to get to the library. She felt ominously panicked, and knew she wouldn't feel better until she saw Quinn with her own eyes._

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_As Julia pulled her car up in front of the library, there sat Quinn, almost statue-like in her stillness. She put the car in park and grabbed the blanket she always kept in the car, and slowly walked towards the beautiful blonde as if she were approaching a wounded animal._

_She stood in front of Quinn and noticed the blonde didn't even recognize her. Naomi could be right, she could be high, but it looked more like the girl was in shock as if she had been traumatized in some way. Julia felt her stomach drop at the thought of someone hurting the beautiful girl in front of her that she cared so deeply for. Shock certainly would explain this unlikely behavior._

_Julia carefully wrapped the blanket around the younger girl; she had to be freezing, "Hey princess, everything all right? It's getting pretty late out?" She said softly trying not to startle the blonde. She reached over and took one of Quinn's hands in both of her own, and it felt like a block of ice._

_She got no response at all, Quinn hadn't even blinked. It was scaring Julia more than she cared to admit. She was a professional, and needed to stop reacting like a family member and more like a professional care-giver._

_She decided to be more forceful, "Quinn Fabray! I need an answer please young lady!" Quinn blinked rapidly, and looked at Julia owlishly as if she had been pulled out of a deep slumber._

"_Julia? What are you doing here?" Her voice was weak, nasally, and scratchy and Julia was afraid all these hours in the chilly night air might have caused her to be getting sick, on top of whatever else was clearly going on._

"_We'll talk about that later, right now I need to get you home!" The brunette said firmly, half lifting the blonde off the bench as she spoke._

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_The ride home was completely silent, as was the walk up the stairs to their apartment. Julia was beside herself with worry. Obviously something was very wrong here. She let them into the apartment, and led the blonde gently over to the couch and sat her down. Julia wrapped the blanket tightly around Quinn to help keep her warm, "Wait here Quinn alright? I'm going to run a nice warm bath and I'll be right back," She felt a little better when the blonde looked up at her and nodded. She still wasn't talking, but at least she was listening and responding a little._

_The brunette walked into the bathroom and got some warm water running in the old claw foot tub for a bath, and dialed her friend David Kaufman. He was a first year intern at the local hospital; they had been in some study session together and had hit it off. David had been looking for more but took it graciously when Julia explained she was gay. Some guys don't take that very well, Julia found most took it as a challenge. David had taken it curiously, scientifically; he wanted to ask questions which Julia found both astute and amusing at the same time. They had evolved into close friends. When David answered his cell, Julia explained what was going on with Quinn and David said he could come right over after his shift. He told Julia if Quinn seemed worse or suicidal just to bring her straight in, and she agreed. She told David she appreciated his offer but not to come over; if Quinn wasn't better she was going to take her to the emergency room. She knew he was working 48 hours shifts, and desperately needed his sleep. If Quinn was still not responding by then, she probably belonged in the hospital getting care Julia and David couldn't provide at home._

_Julia wanted Quinn warm right away, so she decided against the bath and thought a warm shower would work faster. She went into the living room and got Quinn and walked her into the bathroom. It was like leading a small child. She helped the blonde get undressed and into the shower. Julia couldn't believe how chilled Quinn felt, it was May for crying out loud. Maybe it was hypothermia. She watched the blonde and was concerned how unsteady she looked. Julia peeled off her clothes very quickly, and climbed into the shower with Quinn._

_She stood behind her with her arms wrapped around the blonde's waist holding her steady and under the warm water until she felt her start to warm up. She just held her and let the water warm them both as she got as close to Quinn as she could hoping her own body warmth would be comforting to the shaken girl shivering in her arms. Julia just wished she would talk, but she didn't want to push her; not yet anyway. _

_The brunette had been holding Quinn for over 10 minutes when she felt the blonde give a great heave and start to shake in her arms. Julia realized Quinn was crying, and she sighed in relief, "Oh thank God, thank God, thank God," She said out loud, "What is it princess, did somebody hurt you? Do we need to go to the hospital?" Julia almost felt her knees give out in relief when Quinn shook her head no. Rape had been in the back of Julia's mind, a specter too gruesome to even consider. She was so glad that was not the case._

_She helped Quinn out of the tub and wrapped her in an oversized fuzzy towel, and led her to sit on the closed toilet lid, "I'll be right back, baby. I'm going to get some nice warm pajamas for you."_

_Julia didn't even notice her own nakedness; she was so concerned with Quinn's well-being. Julia ran to Quinn's room as fast as she could and found a pair of flannel pajama pants and heavy sweatshirt, some warm socks, and a pair of underwear. She rushed back in to the bathroom and found Quinn right where she had left her with tears streaming down her cheeks._

_She gently stood the fragile girl up and using another thick fleecy towel began to rub briskly up and down her arms as she murmured soft, soothing, and comforting sounds as she did so. She wrapped another towel around the thick blonde hair and started to get Quinn dressed._

_When Julia knelt down to help Quinn put her socks on she felt the blonde put her hand on her shoulder to steady herself and emerald green eyes looked up into red rimmed puffy eyes and the brunette felt her heart break, "I don't care what it is baby, it's going to be alright because we will get through it together. You are not alone! I know I've made you feel alone lately, and I cannot apologize enough. You seemed so much stronger, so much better, and I am so sorry if you feel like I abandoned you; nothing could be further from the truth. I care about you Quinn and I need you to come back to me, here, right now, ok, because I'm really scared of losing you. Please baby, come back so we can face this, whatever it is together. I will never leave you, I don't care what it is, I'm not going anywhere, I promise," The brunette confessed painfully as her own tears ran down her face. If she caused Quinn to have this break, she would never forgive herself._

_She stood up as Quinn started to cry harder. The blonde wrapped her arms around the taller Julia and just held onto her like a lifeline; the two women stood in the bathroom crying together._

_After a while, Julia led Quinn into her bedroom and pulled back the covers and helped the blonde get under them, "I'm going to go make you a nice, hot cup of tea. It will warm you from the inside as my Grandma used to say, and tea always makes everything better. I'll be right back, alright?" The blonde nodded, and Julia rushed out to the kitchen._

_When she returned Quinn was lying on the bed with the covers up to her neck, still crying softly. Julia set the tea down on the nightstand and went to crawl into bed when she finally noticed she was still only wrapped in a towel, "Shit!" She swore softly, getting back out of bed to get herself in some decent pajamas. Returning quickly, she gathered the blonde into her arms and guided Quinn's head to her chest. The blonde didn't put up any fight. Julia was rocking Quinn softly while the tea cooled._

"_I was really worried, I'm so glad Naomi called me. Quinn, princess? Please talk to me, I want to help you," She felt the blonde snuggle closer and wrap her arms around her, it was the first real sign of life in the girl. Julia held her as closely as she could, and continued to rock gently. She was surprised when the blonde started to speak so softly Julia had to strain to hear her._

"_Three years ago today, I had just turned 16 years old, I gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl. Her name is Beth. I had her all to myself for 12 whole hours; I held her and nursed her, sang to her, and rocked her then handed her over to another woman to raise as her own. I never saw her again. Six months earlier when my parents found out I was pregnant, they threw me out into the street. I was a 15 year old homeless, unwed, pregnant girl with nothing. I WAS nothing; I was an embarrassment to my family and my church; a disgrace, trash. A few months earlier I was head cheerleader, most popular girl in the school, President of the Christ Crusaders, and the apple of my father's eye. I had everything or at least I thought I had everything. I see now it was all an illusion. I had nothing, nothing at all. What little I did have I lost when I handed my child to a stranger, and walked away and never looked back," She started to sob brokenly and Julia just held on tighter and listened. Tomorrow they would talk reason, but tonight this broken girl in her arms needed love and comfort and that is what Julia would give her._

_**-0-0-0-End flashback-0-0-0-**_

I was startled out of my reminiscing by the sound of a vacuum cleaner, and realized it was the cleaning crew. "Jesus what time is it?" I wondered, it had to be late for the cleaners to be here. I put my hands over my tired face, and I'm surprised to find it damp. I'm crying and I didn't even realize it. Then again that was a difficult memory. I'm sure I would have done something crazy that night if Julia hadn't come for me.

That night had been a turning point for us, and we became lovers shortly after. It had been yet one more time that Julia Morgan had saved my life. She had held me and rocked me, bringing me back from the edge of darkness and despair. She ever judged me and she convinced me to go to therapy to talk about that awful period in my life. The therapy had helped me accept Beth's loss, my family's abandonment, being gay, and helped me understand why I pushed everyone away. It taught me techniques and skills that helped me adjust to reality. I'd have never even considered counseling if Julia hadn't insisted and I'm sure I would have quit if not for Julia's interesting methods of persuasion.

I am the woman I am today because of Julia Morgan; her love, her belief in me, her acceptance, her persistence that I was special, and even her discipline. For years I've felt I could never pay Julia back for all she had done for me. Today I understand there is a way. I can be Santana's Julia. I will try to stop Santana Lopez from crashing and burning, but if she does I will be there to catch her; to lift her up, to listen, to support her and to love her until she can love herself; just as Julia did for me so many years ago.

I know I'm treading on dangerous ground; I'm starting to have serious feelings for an emotionally unstable, drowning girl. I can see it, but at least I can understand it, and I'm in a position to help her. Santana is worth saving, she's very special. The hard part is convincing Santana she is worth saving. I hope my experience learning from Julia Morgan will be enough to help turn Santana's life around. She's amazing, and I think I'm falling in love with her.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**To be continued…. Would love to hear what you think… thanks for reading and reviewing**_


	7. And The Truth Shall Set You Free

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: There is also talk and flashbacks regarding sexual /emotional / physical abuse. Some of this story includes flashbacks, they are italicized and in bold font. There are mentions of mental illness and suicide. Take these trigger warnings seriously please.**_

_**Thanks for all the reviews; I was using flashbacks because I was actually trying to tell two stories at one time; Quinn's intro to D/D and her current relationship with Santana. I reread what I had posted and I can see that I did overuse them and it is getting tedious and actually taking away from the story. I already had this chapter finished and ready to go and it does contain a lengthy flashback so I'm sorry. I will reconsider my use of flashbacks and there won't be any in the next few chapters or if there is one it will be short. I appreciate your input.**_

_**Chapter 7 And The Truth Shall Set You Free**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I wake up terrified, trying to scream but it dies in my throat and I start to cry from the fear and frustration. It was another terrible night. Every time I fall back asleep I slip right back into the same damn dream; hands, big scary hands that hurt me; never a face, never a body, but always those fucking hands. I sat up and put my feet over the edge of the bed. I run my fingers angrily through my hair. This just can't continue; I'm exhausted and on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

The lack of sleep has me short tempered and snapping at everyone at work and I'm worried that Quinn Fabray will hear about it sooner or later. I'll be in serious trouble then. It's been months since my very personal, private encounter with my boss in her office, and I don't want a repeat of that anytime soon.

I look over at the night stand and see its only 2 o'clock in the morning. I decide to take a sleeping pill; I won't survive another day without sleep. I know what the problem is; the nightmares always come back this time of year. It's the anniversary of my father's death, "Fucking bastard, I hope you rot in hell!" I grumble to myself as I get up to go to the medicine chest in the bathroom to get the sleeping pills. I don't like them, so I don't take them often but the bottle reads take 1 or 2 as needed and I figure tonight has got to be the definition of a 2 pill night. I palm two pills and gulp them down before getting back to bed.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

I turn over, yawn and stretch and crack open one eye as I notice it's pretty light in my bedroom for 6am. Somewhere in my half-asleep brain it registers that is should still be dark out, and I am instantly awake and panicked. It's 7:59 and I'm going to be very late to work, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, I am in so much trouble," I think as I dash around the room grabbing my clothes and shoes. I run into the bathroom, slamming my big toe on the corner of my bed and scream and swear and hop around trying to wash my face and brush my teeth at the same time. I grab my keys and ran out of the apartment.

Jumping into the car, I grab my cell phone and am dialing the office when I back right into another car with a shuddering jolt, "Son of a bitch! This cannot be happening to me!"

I think about driving away and dealing with it later, but it's not right to do that and besides one of my neighbors saw everything. I scribble a quick note of apology on the back of an envelope, add my name and cell number, and stick it under the car's windshield wiper. Finally I can leave for work.

I know my blind panic and rush to get to work is making things worse so I stop and breathe, trying to make up my mind about what to do. Quinn has mentioned a few times that her door is open if I want to talk. I know it's nothing but misplaced pride that has stopped me from going to Quinn and talking. It's made worse by the fact that I haven't stopped thinking of the blonde since I was over her knee and she took me so firmly in hand. I know I stupidly fell for someone completely way out of my league. I'm a wreck, and she's a goddess. I'm Lima, Ohio and she's Ivy League. I don't know how I thought I could ever get someone so classy and put together to fall for me, but it isn't the first time I've been an idiot in love. I'm a hopeless case, I could never hope to deserve someone as beautiful and elegant as Quinn Fabray, and I need to just stop thinking about her like that. I need to just let that fantasy go, but that's easier said than done; Quinn is all I think about every waking minute.

I quickly decide my only option is to lie. If I go in to the office, I'm just going to kill somebody. I park my car, and go back upstairs to my apartment. I'm already 20 minutes late for work, and the company rule is to call in sick at least one hour before your shift starts. Frankly I don't give a fuck; I'm going back to bed. This day already sucks. I call the HR department and hack and cough pretending I'm desperately ill, take off my clothes, and crawl back into bed. I pull the covers over my head and hope that maybe I can sleep in the daylight without the fucking nightmares.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I'd been watching the clock all morning, and saw that Santana never clocked in. I check my emails but I don't have a notice from the HR department that she called in sick yet. I lean forward staring at my computer screen and sigh. Honestly, I've been expecting the lid to blow sooner rather than later. Santana looks terrible, and I know she's not sleeping well, if at all. She's moody and irritable with all her co-workers, and I've gotten a few minor complaints. I should have nipped the behavior in the bud, but I was hoping she would come to me. I decide to wait until 9 am to hear from Santana before having HR call her at home.

A few minutes before 9 am, I get an email from my friend Jeanne in the HR department letting me know that Santana Lopez has called in sick at 8:20, in violation of the one hour rule and did I want anything done about it. I email back thanking Jeanne for the info, and assure her that I will handle it. I'm just not sure how yet.

I'm distracted all day by thoughts of Santana Lopez. I'm pretty certain that Santana is not really sick but sometimes you just need a damn day off. I certainly understand taking a mental health day, and encourage it once in a while in my staff. Our job can be stressful at times. I don't fault the brunette if she just needed a day off. It's just calling off late added to all the other signs of impending trouble that worry me. It's like walking a tight rope deciding when the right time to intervene is. I shake my head; I'm certainly no Julia Morgan. I just have a foreboding feeling that today is just the start of a downhill slide for the young girl I've grown to care so much about. I'm not going to watch Santana destroy herself, so I'm going to stay firm, no matter how hard that might be.

I think letting Santana slide for the day off and the late call to HR is the right thing to do. In the scheme of possible screw-ups, it's potentially minor. With a skittish new bottom you need to be firm but fair. I'll give Santana another day and see what happens tomorrow. Tomorrow is Friday, if Santana takes two days off in a row I'm going to show up at her house with some soup and check on her. Whether she likes it or not.

I'll give the girl one last opportunity to come clean about what's bothering her before I step in and set some more rules for her. I know that Santana submitted willingly to being spanked over being fired, but any more interactions need to take place off company grounds. I'll explain a domestic discipline relationship, and she'll need to make a decision about her own future. It will give me a chance to go over what I expect from the black haired beauty.

This day is dragging on forever and Santana has never left my mind, I'm getting nothing accomplished today short of worrying about her. I know without a doubt she's crashing and I'm powerless to prevent it, but maybe I can help pick up the pieces. My thoughts are darker and more ominous when a memory of Lacey crosses my mind. I realize some people, no matter how hard I try cannot be saved because they've given up and refuse to be helped. I can only pray Santana is not one of those people.

_**-flashback- 4 years ago-**_

_Quinn raced frantically to the emergency veterinarian's office with her cat. She had adopted Eleanor from the shelter after she moved out of Julia's house, and got her own place. She had wanted a young kitten but when she got to the shelter she heard the plaintive meowing and was drawn to the older calico cat in the cage. The young girl manning the desk at the shelter told her that Eleanor's owner had died, and no one would take the elderly cat. She said the cat wouldn't shut up night or day and they were going to put her down if someone didn't take her soon, she couldn't stand the noise anymore._

_The blonde was incensed by the callousness of the young worker, "Maybe she's grieving and is lonely. She lost someone very dear to her, and probably can't understand how she wound up in this cage all alone!" Quinn stuck her fingers in the cage and the cat rubbed all over her purring like a small motor boat, making the blonde smile fondly at her friendliness. _

_She was still sensitive about her breakup with Julia, and so projected onto Eleanor all her feelings of loneliness and grief. Here was someone who could understand how Quinn was feeling. Quinn and Julia had a wonderful relationship and the breakup two years ago was mutual, but it still stung. Quinn knew it was for the best but she was still lonely, and she missed the comfort of the structure she shared with Julia. It had just gotten harder and harder to submit to rules. Julia had been sad as well, but she told Quinn how proud and happy she was that the blonde had grown so much and done so well for herself. They would always be the best of friends but they could really never be more, they were by far too much alike. There was just no room for two tops in a domestic discipline relationship, and Quinn had grown past her need for constant supervision._

_At first Quinn had rebelled at hearing that, but after a lot of meditation and being honest with herself, she realized it was her fear of being alone that was keeping her in the relationship. It was her fear of leaving the security of Julia's acceptance and discipline that terrified her. The blonde knew Julia deserved better than someone staying with her out of fear. She would never do something so unfair to the woman who had saved her life time and time again._

_She knew that she had Julia in her heart and her life forever, but it was time to move on for both their sakes. It had been a difficult two years but Quinn had not gone back to old self-destructive behaviors, and had actually done well for herself. Besides, the blonde had not a single doubt that if she did start screwing up again, Julia would show up on her doorstep with that awful hairbrush._

_The blonde rescued Eleanor or as she liked to say, Eleanor had rescued her and the last two years the tricolor cat had kept Quinn safe from loneliness and despair. It was like the cat understood that Quinn saved her and so she transferred all her love, devotion and gratitude to the blonde with the soft lap._

_Unfortunately, Eleanor had been acting strange for a few days and Quinn had been worried, and made a vet appointment for the following Monday. On Saturday, she had come home to find the cat sprawled on the floor by her food dish, panting for breath and making pitiful little groaning noises. She had called the emergency vet clinic and was told to bring her right in._

_Arriving at the clinic, Quinn bundled Eleanor up and rushed into the office. She was greeted by a brunette her age with striking blue eyes; she took Eleanor gently from her arms and rushed her into the back room declaring she would return for Quinn in a minute._

_The blonde paced the floor, the minute feeling like an hour until the girl came back to collect her. She led her back to the exam room where Eleanor was lying flat on the table and still panting heavily, she looked worse than before. Quinn started to sob heartbrokenly, and the young girl stayed with the blonde getting her Kleenex and rubbing her back until the vet arrived._

_After a thorough exam the vet gently told Quinn that it was her heart and there was nothing that could be done, it would be kinder to make her death less painful. The blonde who had never had a pet before was beside herself with grief. She gave her ok and sat down in the chair holding Eleanor and rocking her and humming to her while the vet got things ready. The young brunette came back in and stayed with Quinn the whole time. She even offered to drive the blonde home as she seemed so distraught. Quinn declined and left to go back to her now empty house, completely grief stricken._

_Two days later the kind young woman or Lacey as she introduced herself, from the vet clinic called and asked how Quinn was doing, and if she could do anything to help. They wound up talking every day for a week on the phone, eventually meeting for coffee, and within a month were living together madly in love._

_Lacey was a short fit brunette with striking blue eyes and a wide open heart. She was studying to be a veterinarian but found her college career derailed by a few emotional breakdowns. Quinn had found herself falling in love with the kind, gentle, young woman and wanted to help Lacey the way Julia had helped her. Lacey was open to a D/D relationship, and they were doing wonderfully together. There was more to Lacey than met the eye Quinn found out when the young brunette was diagnosed as bipolar, and both their lives started to spin out of control. The brunette hated the medicine; she said it made her feel like her brain was wrapped in a wet wool blanket. She declared her life was over, and fought against getting any outside help. Quinn and Lacey found themselves fighting over everything. Lacey would stop the meds and get manic; spending money, sleeping around, trashing the house at all times of the night and then eventually would crash into deep horrible depressions. She would go back on the meds feeling angry and cheated out of a normal life, and blaming Quinn for it. Eventually she would stop again and the cycle would start all over again. Lacey was committed twice to the mental ward Julia worked on, and she tried to warn Quinn that the girl was self-destructive, but the blonde would not listen. She was hopelessly in love, and determined to save Lacey._

_They broke up twice over Lacey's refusal to stay on her meds, but eventually she agreed to stay on meds because as she told Quinn she couldn't live without the love of her life. For two months things seemed to get back to normal, Lacey seemed happy and cheerful even. She killed herself with an overdose of the very pills she felt had destroyed her life. Quinn came home and found her in their living room, a letter explained she had tried as hard as she could but she couldn't do it anymore and she couldn't live without Quinn. She preferred death to the inevitable breakup. The blonde felt guilty and grief stricken and swore to never open her heart again. She wrestled with grief and anger and felt herself falling apart again._

_She had shown up on Julia's doorstep a week after the funeral; cold, wet, hungry, exhausted, and deeply depressed. She didn't leave for two months. Her ex-girlfriend and lover had saved her life once again. This time though Quinn refused to even consider loving anyone ever again, especially anyone with baggage, she didn't care how selfish it was._

_She threw herself into her career and graduate school and wound up being the youngest, most successful CFO in the company's history. Lacey's death changed her, and she channeled all her grief and anger and feelings about Lacey into work and although it made her independently wealthy and successful, she was miserable and lonely and unhappy; until she met Santana Lopez, until she saw the Latina's potential, until she felt herself falling for the brunette, until she finally put her foot down and put the misbehaving brat over her knee. _

_Suddenly Quinn noticed the sunshine and the birds singing, and it scared the shit out of her. She wasn't sure she could do this again, but she was going to try. The blonde would not lose Santana the way she lost Lacey._

_**-end flashback-**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I woke up groaning, everything hurt. It was after noon and I thought to myself that clearly two sleeping pills was a bad idea! I was never doing that again.

I had a hangover and a headache so I took a hot shower. I put on a clean pair of sweats and a loose tee to lie down on her couch so I could feel sorry for myself all day, eat junk food, and watch crap TV.

My day just continued to get worse; the owner of the car I hit called and yelled at me like I was a child refusing to take my insurance information. I took his verbal abuse for as long as I could manage until I told him to fuck himself. The dude is such an asshole, I'm sorry I even left the fucking note.

My conversation with the douchebag left me restless and anxious and I just wanted to punch someone in the face. I was pacing around my living room, and I realized I could not hang out at home all day with nothing to distract me. I drove to the store and grabbed ho-ho's, a pack of cigarettes, potato chips, and on impulse a bottle of tequila. It's an odd combination but it works for me. I haven't had a smoke since college, but I knew once I started drinking I would want a cigarette and I didn't trust myself not to drink and drive. I know the urge to smoke will drive me crazy until I go and buy a pack; I might as well buy them now.

I know better than to check my email when I'm drinking but morbid curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to see what fresh hell my sister, Gloria was going to send me on the anniversary of my father's death, which as luck would have it was today. I was already half way to drunk when I open the email I knew was going to be there, and read it:

_Santí_ (it began, God how she hated being called by her childhood nickname and Gloria knew that!) _I really prayed to the baby Jesus that you would repent of your sins, especially today of all days when Papí is looking down on us from heaven_ (Santana took another gulp of _straight tequila _and snorted at that, like that piece of shit pedophile is in heaven!) _If you would only admit to your lies about him, and repent of the great sin of being an abomination _(Gay! It's called being Gay! I'm a Lesbian! You fucking bitch! And I didn't lie about shit and you know it, you fucking hypocrite! I swallow another mouthful angrily.) _your family would find a way to forgive you! _(Forgive me, that's rich!) _Despite the fact that your lies in court against him gave him the fatal heart attack, despite the fact you put your hand on the bible and lied, you are a part of me, of Mamí, and yes of Papí and I know he would want us to forgive you as he is in a better place._ (I guzzle even more and laugh drunkenly, not so sure about a better place but it's certainly warmer place than good old Lima Ohio. I know I'm drunk now because I just snorted over my own stupid joke.) _Papí never got over catching you in that sinful lust-filled act with Brittany _(Jesus, we were 17 and in love, of course we were lustful; dumb-ass!)

There was more but I slammed the laptop lid angrily and got up to pee. I drank more than I thought and I'm weaving unsteadily down the hallway, bumping off the walls. I'm safely in the bathroom so I take care of business, and wash my hands. I can't stop thinking about Sylvia's email or my father and the tequila isn't helping me forget.

I wash my face and squint at the mirror. All is see looking back is my father's face. Why do I have to look like the bastard on top of everything else? It really did add insult to injury. I wash my face again, using ice colder water and I hope it clears my mind. I don't want to think about the past but I find myself doing just that. It's still a shock to me that everyone in the family defended my father when the truth came out. I had this fucked up fantasy that my mother would rush to protect me, and Sylvia and my brother would back me up. They all knew the truth about him, I'm still amazed they turned their backs on me and rushed to support him. I hadn't even wanted to testify, but I got a fucking subpoena; what the fuck did they expect me to do, lie under oath?

I staggered so I leaned over the sink and held on for support. The mirror was the face of the enemy so I punch it as hard as I can. I know I'm bleeding all over, but I actually feel better.

Of course the evil bastard would have a heart attack and die in the middle of the trial. I'm pretty sure he did that on purpose to get back at me. What a nightmare, he had lingered on life support for days and my brother wouldn't let me come to the hospital. They kept from the visiting hours for the family, they left my name out of the obituary like I didn't exist, and they didn't let me attend the funeral, all as punishment. Not punishment for lying, oh no, they all knew what he was, it was punishment for breaking the family commandment, "Thou shalt not talk to outsiders about what happens within la familia!" Hypocritical bastards one and all.

I stagger into my bedroom and notice the glass case where I keep all my precious belongings and look at the only picture of my family I have left. My anger and rage explode. It's his fault; he destroyed my life, tore apart my family, and the worst part of all was he was the reason Brittany left me. I nearly vomit when I think of how violently he had reacted when he walked in on us kissing. I had bruises for weeks from his fists. What a hypocrite he was, the vile bastard. He could call what he did to his children, his own FUCKING children LOVE, but my innocent love for Brittany was wrong? Well fuck him! He is smiling in the family photo, and I want to rip up his disgusting fake smile. I don't care that it's the only picture I have left; they all left me anyway. I punch through the glass because I need to shred that picture right this second. I pull it from the broken case and rip it to shreds with vicious delight.

It was only as I was walking back to the couch I discover how badly I'm bleeding from the cut on my arm. Damn, I hadn't meant for that to happen. I grab the kitchen towel, wrap my arm up and sit down on the couch and finish my bottle. It's fascinating watching the towel rapidly turning red and I actually giggle for a minute. By some miracle a clear thought makes it through my drunken haze and hits my brain; this is too much blood. I'm going to bleed out and die if I don't do something so I start to panic. I feel light headed and sick so I grab my phone and call the first person I think of. Quinn is still at the office hopefully, I don't have her home number and I'm too drunk to find it. It didn't occur to me in my drunken state to call an ambulance, I hurt, and I want Quinn. The blonde will help me, I know it. She said she would. I just want to look into those beautiful green eyes with gold flecks and feel whole again. I want someone to look at me like I'm a real person. I want someone to see the real me and still care. Quinn makes me feel like I'm worth something. I start to cry like I always do when I drink.

I wipe my face and breathe a heavy sigh of relief when the blonde's breathy voice comes on the line. I know she'll take care of me. I mumble and cry through a short conversation I don't remember, and I must have passed out because I don't recall a single damn thing until I wake up in the hospital.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I'm pacing in the waiting room of the hospital, and I'm terrified. I have been since I received the barely intelligible phone call from a very drunk Santana telling me she was bleeding to death while she laughed and cried and barely made sense. I tried to keep her awake and on the phone with me as I called the ambulance from my office phone; thank God I had Jeanne email me Santana's home address earlier in case I decided to stop over.

Santana passed out but the paramedic picked up the phone and told me where they were taking her, so I met them there. I'm berating myself mentally for waiting too long to step in. I'm trying not to jump to conclusions but my fear is that Santana tried to kill herself. I know I don't have all the details of what happened so I try not to jump to conclusions. I sit down, stand up, and pace then repeat the pattern all over again. I finally call Julia and talk to her; I can fall apart safely with her. Her words calm me down and I can breathe normally again. Julia offers to join me but I need to handle this like a big girl. I hang up promising I will update her when I know more. She reminds me gently that Santana is not Lacey, I needed to hear that.

45 minutes later, a nurse came out and tells me that Santana is asking for me, and I can go back now. I brace myself for the worst, and walk through the big double ER doors. I find Santana looking pale and pitiful behind the curtained off room. She looks sick, and I think of a sad lost child when I see her and fight the urge to just gather her in my arms and hold her forever. I'm torn between spanking her or hugging her, I do neither.

Santana breathes out raggedly, "I'm sorry I called you, I was drinking and I guess I just wasn't sure who to call, and you came to mind," She looks down at her hands in her lap, unable to meet my eyes, "I know I shouldn't have bothered you." I can see she's trying not to cry, and I know she's not looking at me because she's afraid of seeing anger or judgment. I can see she needs love and comfort right now, and I can do that. I move towards her and stroke her uninjured arm gently. I'm angry as hell now I know she's going to live, but that can wait.

I swallow the lump in my throat at the broken look on her face, and realize she fully expects me to abandon her, "Jesus, what happened to this girl? How can she think I would just walk away and leave her alone right now?" I think to myself.

I sit down in the plastic chair at her side and take her uninjured hand into mine, "Hey, look at me! Please Santana, look at me?"

She tries but she only gets to my nose. I can see she doesn't want to look me in the eyes, I imagine she's ashamed and afraid of my reaction.

"You're close, but how about looking in my eyes and not at my very cute and pert nose!" I try for a lame attempt at humor, hoping to coax a smile out of her.

After a few attempts, Santana forces herself to look me in the eye. I can see what the effort has cost her, she looks beaten.

"That's better. Santana I need to ask you something, and I expect an honest answer. Did you do this on purpose?" I shouldn't ask, but I have to know, "Did you try to kill yourself?"

"Fuck no! It was stupid, and I was drunk I totally admit that. Today's the anniversary of my father's death, my family blames me. I was an idiot and read the email my sister sent me. I broke into my glass case to rip up my family's portrait. I guess at the time it didn't occur to me to just open the door. I was NOT trying to hurt myself," she got out quickly.

I must still look doubtful because she said seriously, "I give you my word of honor, it was totally an accident."

I can smell the alcohol, so I knew she was still drunk but I have the sense she's being honest, "I believe you Santana, and I am so glad you called me. You don't ever have to feel stupid or insecure about calling me if you need me. I care about you, and I want to be there for you. Look, We'll talk about all this later, ok? For now I want you to rest, you look terrible! I am so sorry about your father," I lean over and gently brush the jet black hair out of that beautiful face. I feel a rush of almost maternal protectiveness towards the clearly broken girl in front of me, and without wanting to I lean forward and kiss her on the forehead.

"I'm not sorry, I'm glad he's dead," Santana sounded about five years old and squeezed my hand gratefully. I'm happy she didn't pull away after I kissed her.

I gently squeeze back, "Now, why don't you close your eyes and try to get some rest before the doctor comes back in? Just don't get too comfortable, because we ARE going to be talking about today and about you lying about being sick when you were home getting drunk and beating up inanimate objects," I add softly but firmly.

I nearly laugh out loud when big brown eyes shoot open and stare at me fearfully. I cross my arms and raise a scary eyebrow and point to her pillow. I know she gets the drift because she swallows audibly, closes her eyes, and drifts off to sleep.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

7 hours and fifty stitches later, I take a very sore, sorry, and hung-over Santana back to her apartment. Because of the alcohol in her system the doctors wouldn't give her anything more than Tylenol for the pain. That pissed her off, so she got loud and threatening with the doctor. It took my whispered threat of a sore bottom to accompany her sore arm to shut Santana up. She knew I was serious about punishing her if she didn't stop, so she did.

I help her into her pajamas, being careful of her left arm all wrapped up in snowy gauze. I got her a large glass of water and some more Tylenol and sit with her. I see the empty tequila bottle so I know she' going to wake up sick. Santana is being strangely silent and I assume it's embarrassment more than anything, but I'm not leaving her alone. I wait until she falls asleep before I leave her side. She looks like an angel, and her soft snores are adorable, and I have to make myself stop thinking like that.

I notice the broken glass and ripped up picture so I know she told me the truth. I do my best to clean everything up in the room so it would look normal when she wakes up. I don't want her to have to deal with any of that mess. I find the broken mirror in the bathroom, which explains the bruised bloody knuckles and it worries me. You don't break the mirror that holds your reflection unless you hate what you're seeing. It's more frightening than the deep wound on her arm.

I find an extra pillow and blanket and go out to the couch. I'm staying the night so we can talk tomorrow, and I can keep an eye on her tonight. I see her laptop so I open it to email Jeanne at work to let her know both Santana and I would be out tomorrow. I cringe at the conclusions Jeanne will draw but there isn't much I can about it. When I open the laptop the letter that set Santana off is right there on the screen.

Trust is a very important part of any relationship, but especially a DD relationship. I am not going to violate Santana's trust or her privacy. I'm dying to read the email and find out what triggered her outburst, but it's not right. If Santana wants to tell me she will, and I'm hoping she trusts me enough after tonight to share. I close the email and open a new browser window, and send off the email to Jeanne in HR.

I lie back on the surprisingly comfortable couch and turn the television on softly. I think about how to handle this situation with the brunette. I remember my promise to update Julia, it's late but I make the call anyway. We talk for a little bit and she gives me some good advice. I hang up feeling a little calmer and I hope the Latina wakes up feeling a little bit penitent and not full of attitude to hide her embarrassment. I really don't want to have to spank the brunette tomorrow knowing she is already going to be sore and hung-over. Unfortunately the decision is hers and hers alone.

The events of the day finally take their toll and I'm exhausted. I turn off the television and drift off to sleep relieved that the Latina was safe and sound and asleep a few feet away from me.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**I know you all want Quinntana and we are getting there. So this is Santana's trauma, and luckily even drunk she reached out to Quinn. The next update should be tomorrow.**_

_**To be continued…. So thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing.**_


	8. Progress Not Perfection

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**Chapter 8 Progress Not Perfection**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I am ripped awake when I roll over in my sleep and land on my left arm. It is is heavily bandaged and hurts like hell. The minute the sun hit my eyes, I'm blindsided by more pain I ever remember feeling in my life; excruciating pain in my head and my arm. I moan out loud, "Fuck!" and try to remember what is causing either pain, the throb in my arm or the pounding in my head. As I gradually open my eyes and become more aware of my surroundings the events of last night rush back to me and I remember bits and pieces; the bender and punching the glass cabinet. Dumb, very dumb!

"¡Oh, Dios mío, I called my boss in a drunken stupor! Fuck my life!" I look over at the nightstand and notice a large glass of water, 2 Advil's and a large white pill I assume is a pain pill. Quinn must have set those out for me before leaving last night.

I automatically reach for the glass of water with my dominant left hand and flinch from the immediate pain even the slightest movement brings. I sit up carefully, not anxious to experience that pain again anytime soon, and grab the glass with my right hand. I drink greedily; my mouth and throat feel as dry as the Sahara Desert. I swallow the pills and lean forward cradling my bad arm close to her chest safe from further harm. I hope the fucking pills work fast, the pain is unbearable.

I have no clue how I'm going to face Quinn Fabray again, "Probably doesn't matter now. She knows I wasn't sick yesterday. I didn't go in today. I doubt I even have a job anymore. I fuck up everything I touch," I mumble to myself.

All the feelings, emotions, and physical pain from the last few days' crash over me like a giant wave and I start to cry. I'm trapped in a reality I can't escape from.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I find nothing but a bare cupboard and empty refrigerator upon waking, so I quickly slip out to buy some groceries before Santana gets up. Not that I expect her to any time soon, she was really out of it last night. I find a quaint little grocery store around the corner, buy some essentials, and rush back to the apartment. I'm reluctant to leave the brunette alone for long. I don't want Santana to wake up and find herself alone. Not after the traumatic evening she had last night.

When I get back, I make myself a light breakfast. I'm not accustomed to eating much in the mornings. I clean up as I'm waiting for the coffee to brew, and realize I don't even see any take-out containers in the garbage. The girl must not eat except for lunch at work. 'Well that's going to change," I think to myself, it will just be another rule. It's not surprising she is so thin. I sit down to read the newspaper I found in the hallway outside her door, drink my coffee and nibble on a piece of toast and a banana.

I needn't have hurried; I've been back for hours and I can just now hear the brunette stirring in the bedroom. When I hear soft sobbing I get up and carefully head into the bedroom. I don't want to spook the girl; I'm not sure what she remembers about last night.

"Good morning Santana," I say softly, trying not to startle the upset Latina.

She jerks her head up in surprise, sniffs loudly, and wipes her insubordinate tears stubbornly with the back of her hand. I see her eyes are red-rimmed, and she's protecting her arm. I can see she's like me; we both hate crying slightly less than we hate anyone see us do it.

"I thought you left last night," her nonchalant tone clearly contradicts her highly emotional state.

I walk in slowly, and treat her like a wild animal that might bolt if I get too close. When she doesn't freak out I sat down next to her on the bed; close enough so she won't feel alone but far enough away she won't feel threatened, "No Santana, I would not have left you all alone to cope with whatever had upset you or angered you so much. I told you all week that I would be here for you when you needed me. Somewhere inside your stubborn head, I know you must have heard me."

The brunette looked up at me through a halo of jet black messy hair, "I did?"

"Yes, you did. You called me, drunk and in trouble, but you still trusted I would be there for you," I purposefully use the word trust. I try to reach the hurting brunette in front of me with words rather than actions. I'm just going on instinct; I've never met anyone like Santana Lopez before. I'm sure a more physical overture won't be accepted, not yet anyway. Santana is a proud woman, and not used to accepting help from anyone. I'm not going to push her until she is ready.

"The work number was the only one I could remember," I can tell she's lying to me, but I let it pass.

"Well good thing for both of us then that I was still in my office," her lie and her pride amuses me and I know she can hear it in my voice, "Why don't we go get you some coffee and toast. You shouldn't take those pain pills on an empty stomach."

I watch her nod in agreement and try to get up off the bed on her own, but she can't. She can't use her arm for leverage so she huffs in frustration and pain, and I can see she is close to tears again.

"Is it alright if I help you up?" I ask cautiously, not touching her without permission. Santana shook her head in agreement. I gently help Santana to her feet, mindful of her arm. I wrap a strong arm around her waist and lead her towards the kitchen, "Would you rather sit in the living room or the kitchen?"

"Why? Do we have to talk?" She snaps in a surly tone, "I don't have anything to say about last night."

I raise an eyebrow incredulously. Did she really think we would never speak about the events of last night? If she really believes that, she is sadly mistaken. I understand her shame and embarrassment but I won't tolerate disrespect, "Yes, actually we do need to talk about last night among other things. I don't think this morning is the most appropriate time for our talk, but we have a great deal to talk about. I would also appreciate you speaking to me a little more respectfully."

"Like I give a shit what you appreciate!" she mutters darkly, "what are you going to do if I don't, spank me again?" she scoffs scornfully and I realize she must have a very short memory.

She's testing me and my boundaries, and she's pushing me away. I mastered the same tricks ten years ago. They didn't work for me with Julia, they aren't going to work for her, "I'd rather not, but if I have to then yes, I will spank you again," I say simply, leaving no room for argument or confusion, "that's one of the things we need to talk about; now, kitchen or living room?"

"Kitchen..." She replies in a boorish tone.

"That would be Strike 1, Santana," I lead her into the kitchen; "you really don't want to push me on this."

"Whatever…" The Latina sasses me back unwilling to give in so easily.

"That would be Strike 2, Santana. I assure you, you don't want to get to Strike 3," It's going to cost her if she doesn't drop the attitude. I'm not playing this game with her today. I help her sit down at the table.

"I notice you have tea here, would you rather have tea or coffee this morning?" I ask my back to her.

"Coffee please."

I smile to myself and think, 'Maybe she isn't going to continue to push me this morning, that would be nice.'

I pour out the coffee, "Light and sweet, right?"

"Just like I like my women," she smirks and I smile genuinely at her as I hand over the steaming mug. It's the first real sign of the old Santana I've seen in weeks. In a way, I'm relieved; at least she's still in there. A cocky, arrogant Santana is also a very sexy Santana, just not too cocky.

"I take mine dark, also the way I like my women; just FYI," I watch her charcoal eyes fly open in shock. She's shocked I just flirted back with her. It's the first time I've let her see my playful side. I know I'm walking a thin line; I'm still her boss but I just couldn't resist. I want to see the look on her face when she sees I can give as good as I get.

I pop some bread in the toaster, "butter or jam?"

"I don't have either," Santana sips her coffee. Her eyes look a bit glassy, and I think she's starting to feel the effects of the pain medicine finally.

"You didn't have bread, coffee, cream or sugar either," I shake my head in amusement as I watch the beautiful brunette get dopey from the medicine, "Why don't we go get you situated on the couch. Those pills are pretty strong."

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

I watch her sleep for two hours, and then spend the next two hours doing work from her apartment. I notice the brunette wake up on the couch. I can tell she's still groggy and from the way she holds her arm she must be in considerable pain again. Before I can move to help her, she struggles to sit up, "Is that my laptop?"

I glance at her over my reading glasses which have slid down my nose. I don't acknowledge the look of lust in her eyes. I can tell she finds me sexy in my sweats and glasses. I have a few sexy teacher and librarian fantasies that involve these glasses, "It is your laptop, I hope you don't mind? I had a slight emergency at work to deal with," I go back to looking at the computer screen, "Are you hungry? In pain? You can have another pain pill if you need it."

"Did you read my sister's email?" She spits out accusatorily.

I sigh, take off my glasses, and gently close the lid of the laptop. My first instinct is to slap her down verbally but that won't help her learn to trust me. I bite back the sharp reply on my tongue and reply calmly, "No, Santana, I did not read your sister's email. It was still on your screen when I opened the laptop, but I closed it without reading it. I would consider reading your mail a huge violation of your trust. If we are to have any kind of relationship, especially after what happened in my office, it's crucial that we trust each other. We also need to be honest with each other. I understand that takes time. I swear to you, I didn't look at anything private either on your computer or your home. I'm just here to help, not snoop into your life."

I watch her search my face to see if I'm lying. She must be satisfied by what she finds, "I'm sorry I made it sound like an accusation. My arm hurts like hell. I'm a little crabby I guess," I let out a breath I don't realize I'm holding. She believes me.

I smile sweetly, "You mean you have another side besides cranky?" I tease gently as I accept her apology, "Let me get you a sandwich, and another pain pill."

"Quinn?" I turn and raise an eyebrow in question, "Thank you for everything you've done these last few days. It may not seem like it, but I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Santana and thank you for saying so. Do you need to use the bathroom," she nods yes, "Do you need help getting up?"

The brunette sunk back into her couch aggravated that she couldn't even get up on her own to get to the bathroom. I can see the frustration written all over her face, "Yes please…." She grinds out between clenched teeth.

I roll my eyes at what a hard-head she is, and help her get up without hurting herself.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**SANTANTA'S POV**_

I sat at the table munching the sandwich Quinn made for me, and sipping tea. I can't believe how hungry I am, but once the hangover lifted I was starving. I can't remember the last time I ate anything.

"We need to change the dressing on your arm. How much do you remember about what the doctor said last night?" Quinn asks very matter of fact.

"That I was too drunk to have any pain meds," I know I'm pushing my luck still pouting at the injustice of that, but it still pissed me off.

Quinn just shakes her head at me, "You really did some damage to your arm. It might need surgery. It was very deep and jagged and it took over 50 stitches to close. That's why you're in so much pain. I also filled a prescription for an antibiotic. You need to take that now with food."

I was shocked, "Jesus, it was just that stupid glass cabinet. I only punched it, how the hell did it do all that damage?" The amount of pain I'm in and the strength of the pain killers make sense now.

"The doctor said when you punched through the glass you cut your fist, but when you pulled your arm out of the shattered glass you did the most damage. We need to watch carefully so it doesn't get infected. We need to keep it dry and clean."

Quinn got up and grabbed a bottle of water and the pills, "You can take a shower or a bath but we need to wrap it up and keep it very dry. The doctor told me how to do it. My personal opinion is that you should probably think about a bath or shower tomorrow, and just stay on top of the pain today. It's your decision though, what would you like to do?"

Her constant use of the word, we, pissed me off. We weren't a couple, and I can take care of myself just fine without Ms. Bossy Boss around. How long did she intend on staying here? I decided to just let it pass, "I feel pretty disgusting today, but I think you're right. I'm not so steady today. I'll take a shower tomorrow."

"We can still get you washed up. I'll fill the sink with some warm soapy water and leave you to it. Let's find you clean pajamas and get you out of that nightgown as well, while we're up. I'd like you to have some more pain meds in your system before we change the dressing, and clean the wound. It might hurt a bit," She was being so kind and gentle with me, and holding my arm for support.

It was the gentleness that finally got to me; I can take anger, I can take abuse but I don't feel like I deserved her kindness and it choked me up, "I don't give a shit what you'd like, you are not my fucking mother!" I always lash out when I feel vulnerable. I can't remember a time in my life I didn't.

Quinn said calmly, "I understand you are feeling very out of control right now…"

"You're not my fucking shrink either! Jesus, why don't you back off? I can take care of myself," I can't stand her being nice to me. I don't understand why she cares about me. I don't want her to care about me, because I can't afford to care about her.

"Santana!" I heard the warning in her voice, but it just spurred me on.

"You know what? You're not my fucking boss either, I quit! Now get the fuck out of my house!" I am screaming at her irrationally, and I don't want her touching me. I rip my good arm out of her gentle grip and lose my balance. I saw her reach for me as I stagger back, and slam my bad arm on the kitchen countertop. I actually see stars it hurts so bad, "Ow FUCK!" I sat down on the floor and pull the arm against my chest and stomach. I'm hunched over, rocking to soothe the pain. It was so bad I thought I might throw up.

Quinn quickly knelt next to me on the floor, "Let me see, is it bleeding? Did you rip open any of the stitches?" I can see she is more concerned than furious at the moment. I don't need her fucking concern and compassion. I'm still angry and I want her out of my house. A small battle ensues as she tries to examine my bandaged arm, and I try to pull away from her.

I finally piss her off because she slaps my exposed thigh sharply, "Knock it off Santana, if you're bleeding it could be very serious. You lost a lot of blood last night. You cannot afford to lose a lot more."

I'm in a full on rage now and I try to kick the blonde away from me as I clutch my injured arm, struggling to stand up. I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. In my head I hear a calm voice of reason telling me she's just trying to help, but I'm like a caged tiger. I'm trapped, and I'm desperate to be free. I grab the cabinet and haul myself to my feet, continuing to fight Quinn. Her kindness, compassion, and concern are killing me or at least that's how it feels, "Leave me alone, who gives a shit if I bleed out? My fucking family doesn't give a shit! So you can just quit fucking pretending you give a shit!" I lash out with my free arm and my feet.

I watch Quinn struggle to her feet, and try to avoid being hit by me. I think calmly that I'm out of control, and the look in her beautiful eyes confirms that for me, "Santana, I'm warning you, stop right now before you hurt yourself more!" Her voice was controlled, she hadn't really raised her voice, but I can tell she's angry.

I am way beyond the ability to calm myself down at this point, "I don't need you, I don't need anyone. Don't you think I know what will happen? I'm not stupid. I'll trust you and I'll open up to you. I'll tell you all my darkest secrets and you'll leave, just like everyone always does!" I spat out venomously. I'm beyond caring what comes out of my mouth.

She just stands there all calm and collected, looking beautiful and serene. I don't know why, but it's the last straw for me. I don't understand how she is always in control. I think the contrast of my rage and her peacefulness infuriates me beyond reason. It's fucking inhuman to always be so goddamned calm. I feel so less than in comparison to her. I don't even think about it; I just lunge at her wanting to slap the calm look off her face.

She saw it coming and ducks my blow. I fall forward slightly off balance, and Quinn took that opportunity to grab me around the waist and maneuver me under her left arm. My head is buried, my body held firmly against her side, and my ass sticking out; it's an awkward position I'm not thrilled to be in.

She scolds me as I struggle in her grasp, "You are out of control and in danger of severely hurting yourself, Santana. I have had more than enough of this childish tantrum."

Before I can react, Quinn tightens her hold with her left arm, and bends me over at the waist. I don't like where this is headed. I can tell she's being careful of my arm, and I try to use that as leverage to squirm out of her grasp. I hear her huff angrily and it gives me a sense of satisfaction that she is finally losing her cool until she grabs the hem of my nightgown and raises it. I'm about to be spanked again. The thought dawns on me as she yanks down my panties and starts to hand spank me. I'm powerless to stop it. I'm trapped under her arm with nowhere to go. She lands three solid, stingy swats and I can safely say she has my attention, "I am not pretending to care about you," she swats harder, "I need you to settle down before you get hurt," she swats even harder. I try not to give her the satisfaction of crying out. The irony of her not wanting me hurt is evidently lost on her as she continues her assault on my bare ass. I growl loudly and double my effort to break free. For every action there is a reaction as I learned in school and the blonde does not appreciate my attempt at freedom. She lands three more solid spanks, harder than all the rest put together, "I am not trying to be your mother or your shrink. You actually should be very grateful right now that I'm not either…"

I'm losing my will to fight but have yet to surrender. Quinn stops spanking for a few seconds as I feel her lean away from me. I'm confused until I feel her tighten her grip on me and she starts wailing on my ass with what I assume is a wooden spoon. It seems wildly unfair to beat my ass with my own kitchen utensil, but I can't really focus on the injustice of it all at the moment. I'm finding coherent thought and speech difficult at the moment. The sound of the wood meeting my bare ass echoes in the kitchen, and I gasp and jump from the sudden pain. This time I cry out in pain.

She continues to paddle me, while I continue to whine and struggle. I know if I get myself under control and quit having a fit she'll stop spanking me, but it has become a battle of wills now. I notice she is spanking me mercilessly but at the same time protecting my arm. She starts to scold me again like a child, "I also don't appreciate your childish tantrum while I am trying to help you!" This time I start to feel a bit ashamed of my behavior. Quinn has been nothing but kind to me last night and today.

With four very hard spanks to the tender underside of my burning ass cheeks, I heave and let out a great painful sob surrendering myself to her mercy, "I'm sorry! Please stop, it hurts! I'm sorry, just please stop" I scream, and this time I really mean it. All the fight leaves me as quick as it came, and I become limp in her arms. I hear the wooden spoon bounce off the linoleum of my kitchen floor. The spanking is over.

"If I let you up, do you promise no more fighting?" She asked me in a firm no-nonsense voice.

I shudder and cry, still held firmly under her deceptively strong left arm. I'm embarrassed that I am crying, sobbing, and hiccuping like a child so I don't respond.

"Santana! I need an answer please!"

Three painful swats with her hard hand convinced me to speak up. My ass is on fire. I don't want to risk her dragging me to the living room and pulling me over her lap, "I..I.. I.. pro… pro… promise," I sob pitifully, and feel extremely sorry for myself even though the stupid calm voice in my head reminds me it's my own damn fault I'm staring at the kitchen floor with a freshly spanked ass.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

Sorrow grips my heart and squeezes it in a vice grip. I can imagine the fear of abandonment and emotional pain that caused Santana's reaction to me getting past her defensive walls. I'm close to breaking through or Santana would not have reacted so violently nor fought so hard. I scared the shit out of her, and she felt threatened. She responded like a feral animal; kicking and clawing. I didn't want to paddle her, but I had no other way to stop her from hurting herself.

I carefully pull her panties up over her red, swollen bottom, and guide her over to the kitchen table. I sit down and pull her with me so she's seated sideways on my lap. I rub my hand up and down her back, trying to calm the still sobbing girl, "Sh, sh, sh, it's ok, it's ok, I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this," I use my most soothing voice, and speak softly like I'm speaking to a young chastised child. I want her to feel my love and forgiveness.

I can see she is exhausted, the tantrum has sapped her of her strength and the spanking has taken the last bit of fight and energy out of her. I am relieved it worked; I didn't know what else to do to stop her from reinjuring her arm.

"C'mon Santana let's get you to bed, honey. I think a nap will make you feel better," I help her stand up and lead her to her bedroom. I use one hand to pull the covers back on the bed while holding onto the fading girl with my other. I very tenderly help her into the bed. Any anger I felt is long gone, "I'll be right back with your pills and some water. Just lay here quietly now alright?" I was pleased when I got a nod in response.

I quickly return with the pills and some water, "Take these now, I still need to change that dressing and clean the wound," I watch her swallow the pills then quickly examine her arm. If it's bleeding it isn't soaking through the snowy mass of gauze, "I need to go get some supplies for your arm," I feel so much compassion for her in this moment. She looks like a little girl; I brush the mess of jet black hair off Santana's forehead. I try to feel for any fever as well without being obvious.

I stand next to the bed and look down at the exhausted beauty; my heart nearly breaks again seeing the pain and sadness on her tired, drawn face. I wish I knew if Julia would have handled Santana's tantrum differently, but then again Julia never tolerated violence or disrespect. I'm fairly confident Julia would have handled Santana the exact same way I did.

I wish I was more confident in how I was handling this broken young woman. Thoughts of Lacey flash in my head, and I can't breathe for a minute thinking of what I would do if I lost Santana. It scares me that she is that important to me already. I kneel down next to the bed and look straight into her black eyes, "I'm sorry I had to spank you, but you were clearly out of control. I will not allow you to hurt yourself, or anyone else. I know you don't believe it but you are a very special person worth knowing and loving," I reach over and gently run my fingers through silky black hair, "One day you will know that and believe it," I lean forward kissing her forehead, and I'm amazed she puts up no resistance, "you don't have to trust me just yet, but you will respect me as well as yourself."

I fall back on my heels, and rock forward to stand up. I look away quickly; I don't want the pity I feel for her to show. I know her pain. Once upon a time it was me in that bed with a heavy heart and a painful freshly spanked ass. In that moment I make a fierce promise to myself that I will not lose Santana Lopez to her despair. I will love her until she can love herself.

I know there are others, including her family, that have written my beautiful, fiery Latina off but I never will. I understand better than anyone that no matter how deep the wound, it will heal. Happiness is not a dream or some illusion, it's a goal and we will get there together, Santana Lopez and I.

I adjust her blankets and tuck her in. She has rolled over to her uninjured side off what has to be a very sore bottom, and fell asleep. I kiss her again, and leave to get the supplies to dress her wound.

_**Thanks for reading, would love a review…**_


	9. Revelations

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**SHOULD NOT BE TOO ANGSTY OR TRIGGERY BUT JUST BE AWARE, QUINN SHARES HER STORY.**_

_**Chapter 9 Revelations**_

**QUINN'S POV**

I spend the entire weekend with Santana, helping her when she needs it and avoid further injury to her pride. I had overstepped my bounds on Friday, and spanked her against her will. She had given permission the first time, but I gave her no choice the second time. I wasn't abusive, but still it was not my right. If we were in a committed D/D relationship that would be different, but we weren't yet, and the anxiety of overstepping my role in Santana's life kept me up all Friday night. It was time to have the all-important talk about the boundaries of our new relationship, if Santana was even interested. It helps that after her spanking on Friday evening, the brunette has actually seemed to re-balance emotionally, and was a little more accepting of the help being offered, and a lot less prickly.

I accept her new and improved mood as a peace offering, and treat the beautiful wounded girl as an equal in all ways. I consult her on her preferences in every way, and watch as Santana relaxes, realizing she is not being treated as a child or condescended to.

It is now Sunday afternoon, and we had a nice lunch and laugh over a comedy movie we jointly selected on pay per view. Santana is in considerably less pain and doesn't need the pills as often as she had for the last two days. She is also able to do things for herself, as well as could be expected. As the credits rolled, I get up and stretched, "If it's alright with you, I could really use a nice hot shower. Do you mind?" She gestures towards the bathroom.

"Mi casa es su casa," I can tell she is being unintentionally funny. I raise an eyebrow at the girl, our eyes meet, and she realizes what she just said. We start laughing; the movie has lightened both of our moods.

"Gracias, I'll be out shortly. Do you need anything before I go Santana?" I ask politely since she looks very comfortable at the moment. No point in disturbing her, if I can help it.

"I'm good, take your time," Santana glances back at me with a polite smile. It's actually a bit disappointing; I'm still hoping she will start to open up to me more. Maybe I need to be the one to open up first.

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I watch my boss walk down the hallway and into the bathroom while I sit on the couch deep in thought. The exquisite blonde is certainly an enigma; one minute stern and demanding, the next loving and gentle. I really don't know what to make of her. At work Quinn Fabray is the ice princess, a nickname I coined much to the amusement of our co-workers. God help me if Quinn ever finds out.

Quinn is strictly a professional, as a boss she's firm but fair. Not a person at the place knows anything about her personal life, including me. I certainly understand why Quinn keeps her personal life private; I'm that way as well.

It seems I spend all my nights musing over Quinn Fabray, I imagine scenarios as farfetched as Quinn being in the witness protection program. It's an interesting way to pass the nights that the insomnia keeps me awake.

I've never witnessed the deeply caring and compassionate side of Quinn before this weekend, it's almost maternal. It makes me a little nervous. I'd not received that from my own mother and I'm emotionally vulnerable in that area; having a strong, beautiful woman take care of me. I am aware of my mother issues, and I'm a sucker for that maternal comfort and care. It's a weakness I can't afford to have or show. It is offering someone an opportunity to get inside my walls and wound me deeply. Hell, it's basically handing them the key to get in, and the knife to stab me in the heart with. I just can't allow that to happen, no matter what I feel for Quinn Fabray.

Well I thought I would not allow it to happen, but isn't that just what I had given Quinn when I called her for help; drunk or not I invited her into a dark private place no one was allowed to be. I reached out to the blonde, and Quinn had not only responded, but without being asked came through for me over and over again, all weekend long.

My head says I need to trust Quinn, but my heart begs me not to take another gamble, especially not on another blonde. I almost didn't survive Brittany's betrayal. My guts? Well they are just all tied up in confusing knots, and no help whatsoever.

I'm sitting on the couch; my head leaning back on the cushions with my eyes closed. I hear the shower running. I think about the spanking I received on Friday evening, I know it was deserved. I'm not even angry about it. I was out of control, and it was probably the only way to stop my angry tantrum. I don't even know how she knew it was what I needed.

The spanking served a greater purpose, and relieved my pain and guilt over my sister's letter. I know deep inside I didn't kill my father, or destroy my family, but the guilt and shame is hard to relinquish.

What I can't understand is the lightning bolt of desire that shoots straight to my core whenever I think about the stern look Quinn gets, and how my stomach flip flops when she threatens or reminds me of how she dealt with me before. I think of how it felt being over her knee and the feel of her strong thigh muscles under her bare belly and my own thighs rubbing against hers… the way I was wiggling and squirming…how strong her grip is on my waist… the feel of her warm hand rubbing and gripping my ass cheeks…the stern tone of her voice as she scolds me….how she sent me to the corner like a child….the release of my guilt and the sense of love and freedom when it was all over….. I'm hooked on Quinn Fabray, and I'm also thoroughly aroused.

Unconsciously I reach into my pajama pants and part my thick folds with my middle finger, I'm soaking wet just thinking about Quinn being strict with me and the spanking that followed, "hmmmmm," I moan out loud. I circle my clit, rubbing it gently as I listen carefully for the shower to stop. I imagine her scolding me, and dragging me over her lap. I enter myself quickly with two fingers, even though the angle is awkward and I have to use my right hand. I fuck myself hard and fast, and I quickly climax to the thought of Quinn punishing me. My mind sees her angelic face, and I come softly with Quinn's name on my lips. I know I'm a freak to get excited about being punished by her, and I don't understand how I can get aroused by a stern lecture, but I do.

I sit breathing heavily for a few minutes before getting up and going into kitchen to wash my hands. I grab a glass of ice water and a lighter for the candle; it smells like sex in the living room. My arm aches, so I palm the ibuprofen. I don't need or want the heavy duty pain medicine anymore, they only cloud my mind. I need to be sharp tonight. It's time to talk seriously to Quinn Fabray.

I go into my bedroom and take off my pajama bottoms and tee shirt, and put on some real clothes; I don't want to be at a disadvantage during this conversation. It's still hard to get fully dressed by myself but I get it done. I walk to the living room and haphazardly fold the blankets from the couch, and wait for Quinn Fabray to come out from her shower.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I walk into the bathroom and start the hot water, and quickly shed my clothes folding them neatly and placing them on the countertop. I'm in a thoughtful mood, and I let the pounding hot shower spray loosen my knotted muscles. I love the adjustable spray head in Santana's shower. The different settings help me rid my back and neck of the soreness I acquire from sleeping on Santana's couch. It will do in a pinch, but it's not as comfortable as a bed. I would much rather be sleeping in my bed. I would really like to be sleeping in Santana's bed next to the exquisite beauty. …..

MY thoughts wander to the passionate girl in the other room. At one time in my life, before Julia, I would have run screaming from someone with Santana's mercurial nature. Acknowledging feelings scare me, and I always keep mine under a tight rein. People like Santana are too impetuous and act on impulse. I never act on impulse, well maybe once, Beth is proof of that. Acting on impulse is dangerous, and I usually steer clear of people like that. I like control, and order and everything in their proper place; especially feelings.

I close my eyes, and lean against the cool tile shower wall. My thoughts roam to dark charcoal eyes that shoot sparks when she's excited about something, about jet black hair that cascades in curls over her slim shoulders, her full, red, luscious lips, and the cute crease between her eyes when she is concentrating on something. She moves with the grace of a jungle cat as she moves smoothly and predatorily through the halls at work. Santana is a wild spirit, she is like one of those wild mustangs who roam the West and are nearly impossible to break. I want no part in breaking her beautiful spirit, I just wanted to help tame it, make it less self-destructive. If that wild passionate nature could be channeled there is no stopping someone that beautiful, intelligent and driven. I'm hooked and I know it, as much as I don't want to be.

I reach down between my legs and think of having that hotheaded Latina beneath me in bed, and I'm with an ardent desire to make the younger woman my own. I want to take her, and hear her come with my name on her lips. I want to give her control over me in bed, and surrender to her lean fingers and hungry lips. I submit to my desire.

I put one leg up on the wall of the bathtub and grab for the hand-held shower sprayer, turn it to the pulse mode, and gently separate the slick folds of my womanhood with my other hand. I gasp when the drumming water hits my center and the sensation is almost too much for my sensitive clit. I moan out loud, and let my head fall back in pleasure. The water is causing a divine throb, and I can feel the gratifying pleasure start to build low in my belly. My hips jerk unevenly, and my legs turn to jelly as I lean on the cool wall for support. I am grateful for the sound of the water and the drone of the television when I climax with a strangled yell. I try to keep myself from screaming Santana's name aloud; instead I whimper it softly, reverently like a prayer, "Santana, my love, take me," it's the first time I've said it out loud and it scares me more than I am willing to admit. I love her, and I am hers.

I sit down in the bathtub before I fall down, unsure if my legs can hold my weight at the moment. I'm not sure if it's the powerful orgasm or the frightening admission of love that has made me unsteady, probably both. It's time to talk. I'm certain of my feelings for the Latina, it's time to move forward and find out where Santana stands.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

About 45 minutes later, I walk into the living room fully dressed in a pair of sweat pants and my old ratty college sweatshirt. They are comfortable and comforting and reminded me of earlier times. I need the security when I talk to Santana about my past, and my hope for the future.

I'm pleasantly surprised to find the Latina fully dressed and sitting up, "Look at you! Did you have any trouble getting dressed?"

Expressive black eyes looked at me twinkling in amusement, "No but then again, I'm not wearing a bra, and I'm going commando!"

We both laugh and I flush slightly and look away from her quickly to avoid the instant sexual tension that filled the room. I notice she has the same reaction.

I recover first, "I was wondering if we could talk, there are some things I want to share with you?" I am nervous, but at the same time I realize our relationship has been pretty one-sided. I make all the demands, and Santana has been the only one being truly vulnerable by submitting to me. It is time to make our relationship more equal.

The Latina bites her lip, and nods her consent. I can tell she is not sure where this is going, but she seems willing to explore her feelings openly with me. It's more than I had hoped for. It helps me relax. I sit down and make myself comfortable in the chair across from where she is sat on the couch.

"I grew up in an upper middle class, extremely conservative, Christian home. My father was domineering, and both my parents were alcoholics; functioning I suppose you could call it but alcoholics none the less. He always got his way in our house by using his fists, a very nasty belt, and by emotionally crippling everyone around him with his verbal abuse; first my mother, then my older sister, and then of course me," I glance up and meet Santana's eyes, and smile softly at her. I try to soften the blow of a horrendous story of childhood abuse by showing that it is my past and I'm fine. Santana's smile encourages me to continue.

"I was 15 years old, and I already knew my father had my entire life mapped out for me. He had from my birth, as he had my older sister's. I would go to college and prepare to work for his firm; I would marry a nice Christian man of his choosing who would take over my father's company when he retired. Then I would stop working, and I would pop out 2.5 perfect little blonde Christian clones, never leave Ohio, and eventually wind up a drunk like my mother," I spit out the words like they poison in my mouth, "I was already doing everything he had expected of me; failing was not an option for a Fabray. I was a freshman and already head cheerleader, I was National Honor Society, head of the youth group at church, and the president of the local chapter of the Christ Crusaders," my mouth was suddenly very dry as I remembered how I felt back then, and I shut her eyes and shudder, "I need some water, I'll be right back. Do you want anything?"

"No thanks, I have some. Listen Quinn, you don't have to go through all this, it's alright, I understand."

I return with my water and sit back down, "Yes I do, you deserve to know the truth and it's actually important for you to hear so you understand our situation. Are you alright hearing this? If it's too much, just say so, we can stop at any time."

"I'm ok; I was just concerned for you having to relive unhappy memories."

"Thank you Santana, I appreciate your concern, but there is something I've learned through the years that might help you as well; a memory can't hurt me anymore. I can only learn from it. They have no power over me anymore; neither do the people in those memories. I'm free now and strong, and they will never hurt me again. Once I came to grips with that, the fact that I was the only person in my life that had the power, all my nightmares stopped as well, for the most part. Once in a while an old nightmare will sneak up on me but I can live with that," I smile lovingly as I look at the wounded young woman in front of me, "I meant what I said, and I will be here for you as long as you want me to. You are stronger than you know, Santana," I clear my throat embarrassed by my naked emotion for her, "where was I?"

"Christ Crusaders!" Santana said quickly, blushing a little at having been caught out hanging on every word, but I take it in stride, it's actually endearing.

"That's right, thanks!" I shake my head, "So the pressure to be little Ms. Perfect was unbearable, I was starting to crack a little around the edges. The crack became a little more pronounced when I realized I was falling head over heels in love with the one person who was completely wrong for me in every way. My father would have lost his mind had he known. SHE was everything he hated; first she was a she, she was Jewish, and she had two working class gay fathers. The more I tried to avoid my feelings for her the more my life started to crumble around my ears. I knew what gay was, but I couldn't be gay! I was a Christian and the two realities were completely irreconcilable; or so I believed at the time. I was in absolute and complete denial, and I was utterly clueless. So I went to a party, got drunk, and in a complete gay panic I slept with the most popular football player on the team. He was the best friend of my perfect quarterback boyfriend, and I did it just to prove I wasn't gay; well that and I was feeling fat that day," I was pleased when she laughed at my little joke.

I look straight into the beautiful black eyes, "I got pregnant at 15 years old. My father found out, and threw me out of the house. I was completely disgraced. I went from having it all one minute to being 15, pregnant, homeless, and a loser all in about 24 hours."

"What did you do?" Santana asked kindly. I could tell that she was shocked by my story, and had trouble reconciling her vision of the perfect Quinn Fabray with the young girl I just told her about. That was one idea I want to banish; the thought that I could be anything less than perfect. I grew up with that notion, and it nearly killed me. I'm human, I make mistakes and I want Santana to understand that.

"A person who had no business being nice to me, because I had been nothing but a bitch to her, took me home and her family took me in. I had my baby a few months later and gave her up for adoption. She was mine for about 12 hours, then I signed her away, handed her over to a stranger, and I've never seen her since. It almost destroyed me," I finish softly, my eyes fill with tears and my voice gets raw and painful, "I named her Beth," I wait until I feel I'm in control enough to continue. I meant what I told Santana, that we are in control of our emotions not the other way around, but somehow Beth still has that power over me and always will. It's a wound that will never heal. I see out of the corner of my eye that Santana wants to say something to fix me, but she sits patiently and waits for me to continue.

"I went off to college and I was destroying my life with alcohol, meaningless sex, partying, not attending class, just really drifting into some serious self-destructive behaviors. I met an older student in a bar one night, her name was Julia Morgan. She gave me her number and told me I was lost but she could help me find myself, if I was willing to change my life. She offered to help me and of course, why would I trust that anyone wanted to help me, my own parents thought I was worthless? I wound up drunk and lost later than night in a very very bad neighborhood and I called her number in the middle of the night; drunk, lost and hurting. She came and got me, took me home, and the next morning asked me if I was willing to let her help me change my life. I was drowning and I knew it, but I was hesitant to trust, afraid of opening up, terrified that if I let go of the pain inside me I would have nothing left that was mine. That pain was the only thing I truly owned that belonged solely to me. It was killing me, but it was all I had since giving up Beth, if that makes sense. I really thank whatever deity exists that I allowed her in my life because Julia Morgan saved me in every way it was possible to save someone. Of course, I spent many, many nights going to bed sleeping on my stomach, crying myself to sleep after having my ass paddled for one stupid mistake or another," I chuckle at the memory, and the look of shock on Santana's face.

"My father used to love to quote the Bible at me, all the time. Julia used to call it his attempts to beat me with his empty faith. I love that, because he was no Christian. He loved to quote Revelations. Of course later when I came out to him, right before he completely disowned me for good, I got all the quotes about how I was an abomination and was going to rot in Hell and you know… I'm sure you've heard it all before as well."

Santana just nodded; yes I could tell she had heard it all before as well. She looked thoughtful; it was a lot to take in. I knew what they all called me at work; the ice princess, and I knew Santana had been the one to nickname me. I saw her struggle with her ideal; THE perfect Quinn Fabray, THE ice princess was human after all. I could see her struggle with her shame at all the assumptions she had made about me. I saw something else flicker in her eyes; it was either lust or love but I knew now I was not the only one in the room with feelings for the other.

"It's a lot to take in, Santana, I know. Do you have any questions?"

"You and Julia, were lovers?"

"She was that and so much more; she was my lover, my partner, my best friend, family, she was everything to me. She is still my best friend and my family. When you called me the other night, and I was pacing alone in the emergency room waiting for news of how you were; Julia is who I called for comfort. The night in my office, when I spanked you, I called Julia and met her to discuss how I had punished you, and to ask for her advice."

Santana looks sad and upset, and it occurs to me suddenly she has the mistaken impression that Julia and I are still partners and she was hurt, "So you and Julia, huh?"

"It was heartbreaking when we broke up, but she will always be my family, now she's like a mentor, a guide and a wonderful friend. She's a wonderful person; I would love to introduce you two someday, if you're open to it," I said letting Santana know I was not in an emotional relationship, and was free to love her.

"What happened, why did you break up?" I could tell she was bursting with questions, but didn't want to overstep, "I mean if you don't mind my asking."

"Now is the time to ask the questions Santana. Anyway, Julia and I just grew apart in a lot of ways, we never stopped loving each other, but it just wasn't working anymore and we mutually agreed to separate. What we had was a unique relationship; it's called domestic discipline or DD. It was an arrangement really at first, long before we became lovers. Not to sound too clinical but we agreed on acceptable rules and behavior and a set of consequences if those rules weren't followed. It was hard to give up control, as you can imagine but I was destroying my life. I always knew I could trust her, but I had matured. I guess I'll always make a better top than a bottom."

I let Santana sit quietly for as long as she needed. It is a lot to digest, "Is that what we have, a domestic discipline relationship?" I could see her pride didn't like the sound of that, but she was reconciling her pride against the sense of relief, the easing of guilt and shame and the feeling of forgiveness she got after I spanked her both times. It is something every bottom needs to come to terms with; submitting and surrendering to another human being. It takes a great deal of love and trust. It's not easy to do, especially for someone as strong as Santana is.

"I guess that really is up to you, and maybe the real purpose of this whole discussion. I won't lie to you Santana ever, so you need to know that I have feelings for you, not altogether appropriate feelings considering I'm your boss. It's probably what motivated me to discipline you in the first place. I was watching you destroy your life, and against my better judgment I gave you a choice that night; spanking or being fired. I was all set to fire you."

The Latina cringed at that, "Why didn't you, fire me I mean?"

"Because I see all this untapped potential in you, and I see how special you are and what you can offer yourself, the world and others. I'm not wrong about you. I gave you a choice, the same one that was given to me about 10 years ago. I have never regretted my choice to accept Julia's discipline. It saved my life, and gave me a future. I think if you are willing, this decision could change your life as well."

"I'm all screwed up, Quinn. I'm not sure you have any idea what you're getting yourself into here," I felt rather than heard her pain and anguish.

"I think I do, but to be fair, I do need to tell you a few things. I have feelings for you but we are a far way off from a physical relationship at this point," I continued quickly seeing the beautiful bronze face fall, "Not because I don't want you, and not because you aren't worth it, but sex has a way of clouding issues. I think you have some things to work through before either of us is ready for a sexual relationship. This type of arrangement requires a great deal of honesty and trust. I think we need to work on building that first," I stand and kneel in front of her, and place my warm palm gently on her face, "That being said i want to apologize for spanking you Friday night. I overstepped my bounds. If you don't agree to a domestic discipline relationship, I'll never lay another hand on you in that manner. But you must understand, if you do agree you will have no say in the discipline except when we set up the initial set of rules and consequences. So, what do you want Santana, you have a choice here. Your opinion is important," I know her pride is wounded, and she thinks I've rejected her sexually. I hope she sees past that, and can see into my heart. I love her, and I want to help her save herself, but the decision must be hers, and hers alone.

My heart skips a beat when she puts her tan hand over my pale one on her cheek, and speaks softly, "I want to not hurt all the time anymore. I don't want to be alone all the time. I'm sick of being afraid of my own shadow. I want a real life, a full life. I want to get better. I want this arrangement, and one day if you'll have me; I want you," She starts to cry, and I'm honored she's given voice to her deepest fears and her deepest desires; the one that kept her awake nights, as they did me. I know she can't accept that she can one day be whole, not yet anyway. I think hearing my story gives her hope for her own future and that makes my heart soar.

I reach up and hug the sobbing brunette close to my chest, mindful of her injured arm. I comfort the grief-stricken girl, feeling my heart open just a little wider since Lacey's death. Santana may never realize it, but she is giving me hope for a new life as well.

_**To be continued…..reviews are greatly appreciated**_


	10. A Bad Day At Work

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. Rated M**_

_**TRIGGER WARNING: The punishment may be considered harsh to some.**_

_**Chapter 10 A Bad Day at Work**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I've been back to work for a month now, and my arm has healed nicely. I get sore once in a while, especially if I do any heavy lifting, but I don't need surgery. My relationship with Quinn is moving a lot slower, I'm sad to say. It's my fault, and in my heart I trust her, I really do, but my head is stubborn and recalcitrant.

One night after our talk about what a D/D relationship was, Quinn came over for a quiet dinner at my house and we mapped out rules and consequences. I'm nervous about the entire relationship, and often feel rebellious when I think of living under a set of rules and regulations. Somehow the structure calms me; I don't feel like so out of control and untethered anymore. I used to feel like a balloon blowing in a high wind, this way and that with no one holding the string that keeps me connected to the ground; I don't feel that way anymore. I know Quinn is there, and she cares deeply for me as I do her. It's a start.

I haven't shared the contents of my idiot sister's emails or my family situation yet, and I feel guilty not sharing my past with Quinn as she shared hers, but I'm not ready yet. I'm too afraid she will see how fucked up I am and leave me. So far Quinn hasn't pushed and I'm grateful.

At work, Quinn is still Ms. Fabray, but she has thawed her icy exterior a little to everyone's astonishment, including mine. She actually joined us in the cafeteria for a quick lunch time birthday celebration for a fellow staff member. She stayed a few minutes for cake and conversed casually with everyone, even making a joke to lighten the mood. I was proud watching her, knowing that we have a special relationship that no one knows about and I only I share with her.

As she walked back towards the elevator one of the associates said, "I wonder who finally pulled the stick out of the ice princess' ass." Everyone chuckled except me. I regret coming up with that stupid nickname now.

"She just finally adjusted her meds!"

"No, I bet she finally got laid!"

Everyone started to laugh uproariously, "Don't talk shit about her alright!" I say loudly trying to keep my temper in check.

"Oh please, you make fun of her more than the rest of us put together!" scoffed Shauna, the fiery redhead, a total bitch who hates everyone. Seriously, she's a bigger bitch than I am.

"I used to, I don't anymore. She's actually been a pretty great boss and I think she deserves more respect that I used to give her, then all of us give her. If you can't do that, at least pretend to respect her in front of me!" I spat back at Shauna. She always rubbed me the wrong way, but I wasn't going to stand there and let her talk shit about Quinn.

I stand up to leave; trying to hold my temper in check. No fighting is one of the new rules, and fighting or losing my temper is especially forbidden.

Shauna sneers loudly, "Maybe she got laid by Santana! Hey Lopez, are you the one who pulled the stick out of Fabray's ass?"

Without thinking, I turn around, grab a piece of cake and smash it in Shauna's face. I silently turn and head back to my desk. I smirk to myself as the room is stunned into silence. It's only when I am back at my desk, I realize I'm a dead woman.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

It's less than an hour when I receive the call I'm dreading. I'm to report to the Human Resource director's office. I shut down my computer; I'm probably fired anyway and head to the meeting. In the elevator I listen to the Muzak maim on of my favorite old rock and roll tunes, and I try to get my emotions in check.

I can't say I'm sorry for what I did, Shauna deserved it. I just know that no one is going to see it the same way, especially not Quinn. I am sorry that I behaved unprofessionaly and disappointed Quinn. I know better, but my trigger temper has always been my biggest downfall.

I take a deep breath and knock on the director's door.

"Come in, Ms. Lopez."

I walk in the office and am met with the stern face of the HR director, and the very angry face of Quinn Fabray. I feel ashamed instantly, and look down at the floor. I messed up, and I know it.

"Have a seat please," The woman behind the desk commands, she said please but it is obviously a command and not a request.

She look around quickly and curse in my head; the only available seat is next to Quinn. I sit down and scooted the chair over a little bit away from my seething boss. I hear her growl under her breath; she is not pleased with my cowardly actions, and I still haven't even looked her in the eye.

We sit for an uncomfortable few minutes while Ms. Manley, the HR Director reads some papers. I feel Quinn's laser gaze burning a hole in the side of my head but I doggedly refuse to look at her. I sit squirming in my seat uncomfortably feeling like I'm back in the principal's office in grade school. It's a position I'm sadly very familiar with.

Ms. Manley looks up from her papers, "I want to start this meeting by saying that I am very impressed by the changes I've seen in both your work ethic and personality lately. You've been on time every day, according to Ms. Fabray your work is outstanding, and it has not gone unnoticed," I know the but is coming, and it does, "but what happened today is serious. Shauna Griffin is threatening to file charges against you for assault. I really don't want to fire you Ms. Lopez, but I'm not sure it can be avoided. Can you explain what happened in the break room earlier," she finishes not unkindly.

I clear my throat nervously, "There is nothing to explain, it was stupid and entirely my fault. I'm really sorry I lost my temper. I accept full responsibility for my actions. This isn't some barroom, it's a place of business and there is no good excuse for what I did. I regretted it immediately. I'll apologize to Shauna before I clear out my desk," I start to rise out of the chair to leave. The two other women in the room are obviously stunned by my statement.

Quinn finally speaks up, "Sit down Ms. Lopez," She says in that stern voice that makes my heart pound, and my belly flip-flop. I sit down and really make an effort not to really squirm now. I know that tone, I'm in big trouble, "While I'm sure Ms. Manley and I appreciate your sincerity, I believe she asked you what happened."

I know it is the final nail in my coffin, but her tone makes me feel 6 years old again and it pisses me off, "Shauna was making some cracks and bad jokes that I felt were inappropriate. I asked her to stop, politely, and started to leave the room. She made another crack that I really didn't like, and rather than a fist, she got a piece of cake in her face," I finally meet her gaze defiantly, "honestly, I think I showed restraint not punching her in the mouth," we sit glaring at each other until I finally get smart and back down. She is not happy with me.

Ms. Manley breaks the tension fraught silence, "Ms. Fabray and I have already spoken to a few people who were present and we received the same vague answer, Ms. Lopez. Shauna had been insulting, and you asked her to stop. Shauna insulted you, and she got a piece of cake shoved in her face. No one seems to be willing to go into great detail but they all give the same story. Most of the witnesses seemed to be supportive of you and back your story up. It would seem not many of your co-workers care for Shauna Griffin. Your co-workers all say you are professional and stick to yourself. They have no problem with you," Kate Manley stand up, "I have Shauna in the other room, I'm going to go talk to her and I'll be right back."

My heart races as I look up in shock, and I mentally beg the woman not to leave me alone with an angry Quinn Fabray.

As soon as the HR director leaves the room, I wait for Quinn to explode but I'm met with a deadly silence that confuses me. I slowly turned and look at the woman I love. She's clearly furious, "Aren't you going to say something?"

Flashing green and gold eyes meet mine, and she says in an eerie calm voice, "What would you like me to say, Santana? That I'm angry and disappointed? That I cannot believe you would act so unprofessionally? That the little gossip mongering bitch has threatened to have you arrested for assault, and she would be within her rights? What Santana, what should I say right now?"

Without thinking and with unshed tears flashing in my black eyes I blurt out in a pained whisper, "That you won't leave me, that you still like me?" I'm dumbfounded that I actually gave voice to my greatest fear. Typically in this situation I take cover behind a wall, and say something harsh and sarcastic to counter my feelings of vulnerability, but not this time. I can't, Quinn is too important to her. She hasn't responded so I look down at my lap and pick invisible fuzzies off my sweater. I'm unable to meet her beautiful eyes and see rejection.

I hear Quinn's huff of frustration, and feel two fingers under my chin forcing my eyes up, "Hey, look at me, ok? First of all, I'm incredibly proud of you for actually saying what you were feeling. It's a big step for you. I'm not going anywhere, a fact you may come to regret later tonight, young lady," She says ominously. I know people of color are not supposed to blush, but I can feel my face and the tip of my ears go hot. I know exactly what she's implying, another trip over her knee. Quinn smiles gently, "I'm angry with your behavior, but I still like you. Do you understand the difference?"

I see only truth in her hazel eyes. I'm used to people leaving me. Having someone stay through thick and thin is a new experience for me. I know I'm still more than a little insecure in my new DD relationship with Quinn, but I believe her and I trust her, "I get the difference. I'm just used to people walking away from me when I do something they don't like. I guess it will just take me some more time to understand it, and believe it. Sorry if I sounded like a kid or something, I hate when I do that."

Quinn bites her bottom lip; she does that when she's debating with herself. I have a feeling she wants to hug me but can't; it really isn't the time or place. I still wish she would hug me though, I'm upset and her hugs are so comforting.

Quinn looks at me sadly and it's like she's reading my mind, "What you did was wrong, and I'm angry at your behavior. I know you're nervous and hurting, but I can't comfort you right now. I want you to know it's hard for me not too, but right now, I'm your boss; not your mentor, not your disciplinarian, not your lover, and I need to act professionally. I will say I'm very proud of you for telling me how you really felt. You told me the truth about how you feel and what you were afraid of. I don't expect anything else but the truth, do you understand me?" She says firmly.

Santana sit up straighter and gather my emotions, "I understand. Lying is a huge rule break and completely unacceptable," I quote one of our rules.

"Right up there with assault," Quinn said harshly, smirking as I flinch involuntarily. I'm glad she can find some humor in all this. I've never been so uncomfortable in my life.

Quinn spoke next and her voice is surprising soft, "Santana I'm not stupid, I realize the inappropriate comments were probably about me. I'm the boss; I'm used to snide remarks, but you just can't punch everyone who insults me around here. Understand?"

Her remark took all the air out of me. I'm sad that she knows about the remarks. I hope she doesn't know some of them came from me, but she is right, she's not stupid. I feel like a scolded kindergartner and I look back down at my lap. I have nothing to say, I'm so ashamed of myself.

We sit quietly until Kate Manley and Shauna Griffin come into the room.

I fight the urge to smirk when I see evidence of sticky frosting still in the red hair, but she I feel Quinn's icy eyes on me, and I don't want to push my luck any more than I already have today.

Quinn stands up and gives her seat to Shauna Griffin. I can tell she is reluctant to sit next to me, and I try not to sneer at the bitch. It's safer if I keep my eyes on Quinn who walks over and stands next to the HR director.

Kate Manley takes off her reading glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose. She looks very much like a stern school mistress, but she isn't half as intimidating as Quinn Fabray on her worst day, "Shauna, while everyone agrees that what Santana did was inexcusable; I am having a hard time excusing your behavior as well."

"My behavior! I was just at lunch with some friends joking around when she assaulted me!" Shauna argues loudly.

I don't realize I scoffed out loud until I notice both Quinn and Ms. Manley glare at me, "sorry," I say softly.

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I have no use for the redhead in front of me; she's a nasty, mean, gossiping young woman who lowers the morale of the whole office every chance she gets. Still she didn't deserve to be treated violently, "Ms. Griffin, I think we can take the word assault off the table. What Ms. Lopez did was serious, and we are taking it very seriously," I gesture to my friend Katie Manley, "I assure you she will be dealt with appropriately, but according to the witness statements you were not completely innocent in what happened today."

I see out of the corner of my eye, Katie look at me in surprise. I know she shares my opinion of Shauna Griffin, but none of the witnesses had given details implicating Shauna, including Santana. I pause for a second, giving Katie a chance to stop my line of inquiry with Shauna, but she doesn't interrupt me so I continue, "According to the witnesses, Ms. Lopez asked you to stop insulting me and not only did you refuse, you then said something extremely offensive, or are the witnesses lying?"

Everyone looked at me with their mouths open in complete shock. Katie knows I'm bluffing; no one mentioned me at all, but I know Shauna and Santana. My Latina wouldn't have reacted so violently unless I was the one insulted, but I can't tell Katie that. I'll be damned if I'll let Santana get fired because of Shauna.

"It was just a stupid joke; I didn't mean anything by it," Shauna continues petulantly, "Besides everyone was joking around. She didn't need to go all psycho about it," She says gesturing dismissively towards Santana.

Katie picks up the ball and I cheer internally, "No Santana did not act appropriately, but then again neither did you Ms. Griffin. Now, I'm willing to waive writing you up for the things you said about Ms. Fabray, if you are willing to let this go as well."

"So she's off the hook just like that?" Shauna says incensed.

"No, of course not, Ms. Lopez will be written up for her behavior and a copy will go in her permanent file. She will be on unpaid leave for the rest of the week. She can take this time to think about her behavior, but she may return to work on Monday," Katie states emphatically and I can see she is thrilled at the turn this had taken. We have spoken about Santana, and she's sees her potential as do I.

I speak up, "Ms. Griffin, you are certainly entitled to your opinions regarding me, but you are also entitled to feel safe at your workplace. I can assure you we all take this incident very seriously, and do not treat violence in any form lightly. Ms. Lopez will be punished appropriately, and something like this will never happen again. That being said, Ms. Lopez will be issuing you a formal apology upon her return on Monday. Won't you Santana?"

"Yes, Ms. Fabray," I could see Santana struggling with mixed emotions. She wasn't going to be fired, and she was on disciplinary leave but she still had a job. On the other hand, she was going to face me tonight, and she knew she was in big trouble at home.

"You both will be attending a sensitivity training class on your own time, and engage in a team building exercise of Ms. Fabray's choice," Katie continued.

Both young women groan at that as I continued, "We are part of the same team, and as such we need to learn to get along. Nothing like this had better ever happen again, am I clear?" They both nod in agreement.

"Now, you'll need to sign these papers that you agree to the official reprimands and punishments," She pushes the papers over her desk to the girls who both sign the paperwork.

I turn to Katie and speak so only she can hear me, "I'll escort Santana to her desk and then to her car. Do you want to grab some dinner after work with me?"

Kate says in amusement, "Of course, I definitely need to know how you managed this situation. I think I can learn a lot from you, Fabray," She smiles fondly at me.

I wink at my friend, "Email me what time you want to go. Thanks Katie, I'll talk to you later," I walk over next to Santana, "Let's go get your things from your desk, Ms. Lopez."

When we get to the door, Santana stops and turns around to speak to Shauna, "I'm really sorry for overreacting the way I did. I'm sorry for the cake, and embarrassing you in front of your friends. If your clothes are ruined or anything I'll pay to replace them or have them cleaned. I guess I was just having a bad day at work," She sticks her hand out for Shauna to shake. I can see she is sincere, and I'm bursting with pride.

I can see Shauna is taken aback and speechless for once, but she reluctantly shakes Santana's hand, "I'm sorry for what I said. It was just a stupid joke but it was uncalled for as well."

I nearly roll my eyes, I can tell her apology is completely disingenuous, and she only does it because Santana apologized and she's trying to save face.

I usher Santana out of the office feeling proud and gratified. I see tremendous growth in Santana, but violence and fighting are wrong no matter what the reason. Her temper is going to be a problem area, and I foresee a few trips over my lap due to it.

I'm standing in the lobby of the parking garage having escorted Santana out of the building, "You are to go straight to my house and wait for me there. Go to the guest room; no television, no computer, no cellphone, and you can start writing lines. I want you to write 500 times; I will not lose my temper and attack a coworker ever again. You're lucky it's only 500; it would be 1000 if your arm wasn't still recovering. We'll deal with the rest of your punishment when I get home this evening. I'm going to dinner with Kate Manley first, so you'll have plenty of time to think about your behavior today," I'm speaking softly so no one else could hear the conversation, "You need to understand that you are very lucky you're not sitting in a jail cell looking at assault charges, young lady."

"Yes, Ma'am," I hate the look of shame in her eyes, but she'll have a clean slate later this evening.

I walk back to the elevator, "Oh, by the way, Santana!" I see her look at me questioningly. "Thanks for defending my honor! Very chivalrous of you," I chuckle at the shocked look on her face, and get into the elevator leaving a speechless Santana standing alone.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I sit in Quinn's guest bedroom; we always go to her house for privacy. My apartment has paper thin walls. I can always hear my neighbors television and loud conversations. I sure as hell don't want them to hear what's going to happen tonight.

I'm nervous as I begrudgingly write lines, I hate writing lines. It makes me feel like a naughty little girl, but then again I'm not anxious for the blonde to get home either. My stomach is filled with butterflies, and I'm so nervous I can't sit still. I really messed up today.

Quinn calls a few hours later, "I'll be home in half an hour. When I get there I expect to find you in your pajamas, and standing in the corner. Is that understood?"

"Yes Quinn, uhm Ma'am," I stutter. Ma'am is for punishment, but I'm not used to calling anyone ma'am so I often forget. My lower belly is roiling, and I unconsciously clench the cheeks of my ass in fear. Quinn sounds all business, and that usually ends badly for me and my ass.

"I'll see you in a half an hour then," She abruptly hangs leaving me to hurry to finish my lines and worry.

I'm standing in the corner, nervously shifting from foot to foot. I know that isn't allowed during corner time, but I really can't help herself. It's the first proper spanking since I agreed to this arrangement, and this time I know what I'm in for. I hear the front door open and close, Quinn's home so I immediately still all movement.

I'm listening so hard, everything sounds magnified. I can hear the clock ticking away second by second in the kitchen. Quinn goes into her bedroom first, and then the bathroom. I hear her turn on the shower, and I groan out loud and let my head bang against the wall. More delay, means more time to sweat out my punishment. The anticipation of being spanked almost sucks as bad as the actual spanking, alright not really but it still sucks.

I stand as still as I can. I know as soon as the shower turns off, Quinn is coming to check on me, and then I'm going to get it. After what seems like hours, the shower shuts off and I finally hear the Quinn's footsteps as she pads softly to the guestroom. I swallow hard, and I'm sure Quinn hears it. Fuck, why can't I control my damned temper? Seeing that redheaded harpy covered in cake was definitely not worth what my ass is going to suffer through in a few minutes.

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I walk over to the closet in the guestroom; the closet is where I keep all the implements for punishment and play. I showed them all to Santana after the list of rules and consequences had been written. She knew the severity of her misbehavior would dictate the punishment and implement used. This was not going to be some over the knee hand spanking. Losing her temper, fighting, and assault were all very serious behaviors that deserved a very serious punishment.

"Santana, can you come over to me please?" I sit in the big armless chair in the corner of the room. She reluctantly leaves the security of the corner, and drags herself over to me.

"Why are you being punished today?"

"I lost my temper at work, I shoved cake in Shauna's face, and I could have been arrested for assault and fired. I embarrassed you with my behavior, and I got put on disciplinary leave at work," She says seriously. I'm glad she is taking this as seriously as I am. I gave her time to write her lines and think. I was worried that away from work, she might get cocky with me. I'm pleased to see she isn't.

"I see you've been thinking very hard about this, I'm glad. This was very serious and could have had very long lasting consequences in your life, career, and future. I will be dealing with this severely. I will be using the belt today, and this had better never happen again," I hate the look of fear that flashes in her eyes. She's never had the belt before or she has a bad memory of it. It makes me hesitate.

"Santana, you haven't discussed your childhood with me and I'm not pushing you too. I need to know if you were abused by anyone using a belt on you in the past?" I will not allow my loving discipline to be confused by previous abuse. If she has been abused like that, we'll do something else. I see in her eyes, she understands why I ask, and realizes she has an out. I'm honored when she doesn't take the easy way out. She looks me in the eye, and I see only love and trust. She is not afraid of me, merely of being punished as any sane person would be.

"No Quinn, I've never been abused like that."

I feel a small smile pull at my lips, "Thank you for being honest with me. Over my lap please, Santana," I say sternly, back to business. I want this over as much as she does. The old adage that it hurts me more than her is very true, although I doubt she would believe it.

I wait patiently as Santana reluctantly places herself in the proper position; she squirms uncomfortably as I hook my fingers in her pajama bottoms pulling them and her panties to just below her knees, "Lie still Santana!" I say with a sharp smack to the center of her caramel covered ass.

I drape my right leg over Santana's legs, unimpressed with her tendency to kick and wiggle. I start to apply medium hard, hand spanks all around the tan backside. I covered the area fully, taking my time as the entire area starts to glow a bright pink. I'm not angry anymore, and I haven't been since the meeting ended and Santana apologized without being prodded. I am very serious about making an impression. I pay attention to the sensitive area where ass meets thigh, I always hated that part and it always made me cry the hardest. Santana is no different. She squeaks and squeals at that part, and it hurts my heart to hurt her. I move on to the back of her thighs, as well as to both sides of her quivering backside. My every spank causes Santana to arch her back and cry out. She grips the cushion of the chair, trying desperately not to reach back. I've already warned her about reaching back, it means extra swats. Her shapely backside blanches white and I know I'm spanking her hard. Her ass flattens then bounces back in rhythm with her painful exclamations with each swat.

I let my hard right hand do all the talking, and save my lecture. I know Santana understands why she is being punished. I have talked to her often about that temper of hers, and her tendency to lash out. It's unacceptable behavior and she knows it. Truth be told, I'm surprised she has actually lasted a month without some kind of tantrum or fight. Clearly Santana is working hard to change her behavior. Sometimes you just need a good strong reminder.

I continue spanking despite her cries for me to stop, her apologies, and her promise to never lose her temper. The last one nearly causes me to laugh; of course she is going to lose her temper again. After a suitable time, and many hard hand spanks later, her backside is more red than pink so I stop the spanking. I still have the belt to administer. I hold her in place over my lap until she is able to calm down a little and breathe more normally. I had delivered one hell of a hand spanking. I have to flex my left arm muscle, it had cramped up holding her in place. My right hand stings and burns; I know she is going to feel this spanking for a while.

I order her to stand up. She is crying softly, and immediately puts her hands back to cover her sensitive punished ass.

"No rubbing, Santana!" I say over my shoulder as I pile pillows on the bed, "I need you to bend over the pillows, both forearms on the mattress, and don't move out of position or we start over again."

Santana walks quickly over to the bed, and follows my directions to the letter looking back at me over her shoulder hesitantly. She looks like a child, and I firm my resolve. I can't back out of this now. I know that she has never received the belt, and never been punished in this position. She doesn't know what to expect so I reward her obedience. I lean over and rub her lower back, grab her hips and help her into position, "Thanks you, that's perfect position, Santana. Eyes forward please, and remember no reaching back and no getting out of position."

I walk over and pick up the belt from the arm of the chair. I double it and it snaps loudly in the quiet room when I double it over. I see Santana shrink into the pillows and I resolve to comfort her for as long as she needs when this is all over. Santana's knees are shaking uncontrollably so I put my hand firmly on her lower back. I don't want her to stand up and have to start over.

Surprisingly, Santana speaks to me, "Ma'am may I ask a question?"

Normally this isn't allowed, but this time I allow it, "Go on, Santana."

"I'm not arguing or anything, but can't you do this with me over your lap?" I know she must miss the warmth and intimacy of being over my knees.

"Not for this, Santana. I want to be accurate, and I'm not sure I can do that with you squirming over my lap," I answer honestly.

"But," she starts to argue and I've had enough conversation. I cut her off immediately, "The answer is no, Santana. I answered your question even thought that is normally not allowed. Now, back in position or I add stripes," I say as strictly as I am able. I am the top, she is the bottom. She needs to respect that.

Santana turns her head around, and lowers it. I can see she is ready.

"Because of the severity of what happened today, I think a serious punishment is called for. You've never been punished with the belt before, so I am only giving you 10 stripes. You will count them for me, and after each one you will assure me you will never fight again. Are you ready, Santana?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

I immediately swing the belt; the loud crack of leather on bare flesh echoes across the room as Santana jerks and gasps. I know what the belt feels like; you hear the sound before you feel the pain. When it registers, the pain spreads across her backside quickly. The pain is like a wild fire burning across you backside. Julia used the belt on a few occasions. I was familiar with the burning pain.

"Santana, the count please?" I know this is new for my girl, so I am willing to be slightly more lenient the first time.

"I'm sorry; 1 and I will never fight again, Ma'am."

Satisfied, I continue. Every swing of the belt lands with a loud echoing crack, and Santana struggles valiantly to count and talk. By 4 she is sobbing uncontrollably; not only from pain but from having messed up again. She doesn't get out of position and she continues with the count.

The belt lashes down for number 5, and she begs me to stop. I evaluate her ass, and her body language and I know she hasn't reached her limit yet. I draw my arm back, and bring down another lash but this one is not as hard as the previous 5. I curse myself for being soft, but I can't help it. I know how bad this hurts.

At number 6, Santana squeals and jerks to the left and I have to stop and readjust her position. I take a deep breath, and wait until she counts out the lash then finish as quickly as possible. I have no desire to draw out this punishment any longer. I know she won't be fighting anytime soon, at least I hope she learned her lesson. A hand spanking and 10 with the belt is a severe punishment, but I feel the circumstances warrant it. The last swing was the hardest, and Santana almost moves out of position, but I put her hand on her lower back to steady her.

She finished the count, and I tell her the punishment is over. She collapses on the bed crying loudly; hiccupping and sobbing.

I set the belt down and gather her in my arms, "I am so proud of you, Santana. You took your punishment so well. It's all over now; I'm here, and you are all forgiven. We can start all over again, do you understand? You have a clean slate, and you can let it all go. You need to release this, and not hold it in."

Santana moved to my side, and nestled her face into my lap. I watch her back heave, and I see her relax and release her guilt. She tangles her hands in my loose tee shirt, and she cries herself to sleep in my safe loving arms.

I hold her and rock her; I kiss her forehead and whisper words of love and comfort. It is only once Santana was completely asleep did I finally give way to my own feelings of sadness and disappointment. I let go of my own tears at causing the vulnerable girl in my arms pain. I know she needs it, like I did but it still hurts my heart. I understand the value of a domestic discipline relationship having lived it myself, but I finally appreciate Julia more now that I'm the disciplinarian.

It makes me sad when I remember how certain Santana was that I was going to leave her or stop caring for her simply for making a mistake and breaking a rule. I know that it has to come from her family dynamics, but I've been reluctant to push. I am no closer to getting an answer; I gently stroke the jet black hair, and decide I'm going to gently try to get some answers.

_**To be continued… so today is my birthday how about some review love…. LOL**_

_**Thanks for reading.**_


	11. Moving Right Along!

_**A/N ~ Don't own Glee or Santana or Quinn, everyone else not on the show is my own invention.**_

_**This story contains D/D established relationships, which includes spanking and other forms of punishment. If you don't like this type of story or are under age, consider yourself warned. **_

_**Rated M for language, sexual situations, discipline**_

_**Chapter 11 Moving Right Along!**_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

I woke up momentarily confused; this isn't my bedroom. I slowly remember the events of last night, and realize I am still in Quinn's guest bedroom. It is still dark, and I am wrapped around something warm, soft, and snuggly. I assume it is a body pillow until it lets out a soft snore. I jump; startled by the sound until I see shiny golden hair splayed out against the pillow, and I realize I am sharing a bed with Quinn Fabray.

Quinn never sleeps with me after a punishment; she always goes back to her own bed in the master bedroom. We've never shared a bed all night before now. It feels right, and I feel safe and loved. Being comforted and forgiven has always been part of Quinn's discipline experience, but this is completely new. Still I am unsure how to act; maybe she fell asleep accidently, and I am trying not to read too much into the gesture. I lie completely still, not wanting to wake her up. I am quite content to just hold her in my arms and perv on her for the time being. Then I become aware of two unpleasant sensations; my sore, aching ass and the very intense need to use the bathroom. I unconsciously wiggle as I try not to think about the bathroom just a few feet away.

"You can get up if you need to you know," Quinn says in a soft, sultry voice rough from the night's sleep, as she scoots her back closer to my chest and snuggles further into the bed.

"How? I mean, what…. I didn't say…." I say intelligently.

"Well you've been thinking very loudly for the last ten minutes. So do what you have to do, and then get your ass back to bed. It's way too early for me to be forming coherent sentences," she growls lowly.

I frown at the blonde lying comfortably in my arms, "You're even bossy when you're half asleep," I grumble under my breath, carefully extricating myself from the young woman I am definitely falling in love with.

"I beg your pardon? What did you say?" She grumbled sternly.

"It was nothing, never mind, I'll be right back," I scurry to the bathroom; my aching ass a reminder to keep my opinions to myself this early in the morning.

I take care of business and walk softly back over to the bed in the still dark room. I quickly crawled in under the covers, and attempt to get in a comfortable position as quietly as possible. Quinn reaches over and pulls me gently into the little spoon position, and settles down quickly. I'm dazed and in heaven as she drapes her arm over my abs and her fingers find their way under my shirt and softly rub circles around my belly button. I nearly orgasm when she hums a soft sound of satisfaction into the back of my neck. Soft shivers of delight run up and down my spine as Quinn's warm breath softly brushes against my hair. I want her so bad, I just want to spin around and take here right here, right now but for the first time in my life I'm actually shy with a woman I desire.

Quinn murmurs into my ear, "I can't believe after the spanking you got last night, you're still being feisty with me a few short hours later. You, Santana Lopez are going to be the death of me," I feel her firm breasts against my back, and she kisses my shoulder, "go back to sleep, it's early."

I can tell she's fallen quickly back to sleep by the evening out of her breath. I feel so safe and loved as drift off to sleep dreaming of the day I make her mine.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

The next time I wake up, I'm all alone in the bed but I can hear Quinn in the other room getting ready for work. I get up gingerly, still in some discomfort and walk to the kitchen. I pour a cup of coffee, turn and lean against the counter and wait for Quinn to emerge from her bedroom.

I don't have long to wait. Quinn bustles into the kitchen a few moments later.

"Good morning Santana, how are you feeling this morning?" The blonde asks cheerily, much to cheerfully in my opinion.

"The truth or was that just you being polite?" I reply gruffly. I'm always a bit cranky in the morning, but her chipper mood rubs me the wrong way this morning.

Quinn is on tip toes, reaching up and straining to grab a coffee mug on the highest shelf. Her skirt is sliding up and over, and the thin material is straining across her ample backside. I can't help but stare, mesmerized by her incredible ass. Ironically it was the first thing about Quinn that really grabbed my attention. Well, after I noticed how beautiful she was, of course.

Quinn kept up her efforts, glancing back over her shoulder at me obviously amused. I hate that she catches me in the act of staring at her ass again, "If you're finished admiring the view, do you want to answer my question honestly please?" she smirks and I just roll my eyes.

"Sorry, I'm pretty crabby until I finish my first cup," I hold the cup of coffee up for her to see, "I'm ok; I assume you want to know how my backside feels?"

"Aha, got it!" Quinn comes back down with the mug she wants, and turns to look at me. I can feel my face is burning red, "Well, yes, I do want to know how you feel physically of course, but emotionally and mentally as well. Last night was a little different than our norm," She reachs over and rinses out the mug with hot water. She pours a cup of the fragrant coffee, sniffing it in appreciation, "Hmmm good stuff, I love that first cup of the day as well," A beautiful smile creases her face and I feel like the sun just exploded into the kitchen. She cocks her head at my expression, "So? How do you feel?"

Looking into the warm hazel eyes, I realize we have crossed some bridge that I'm not even aware of. Quinn is treating me more like an equal, and less like a willful teenager. It is a little disconcerting, a good feeling but weird as well. I feel a bit off kilter, like Quinn and I are on different pages of the same book. But when I look deep into her eyes I see only honest feelings and emotions. Quinn Fabray is a very guarded woman, especially at work and it's only been a handful of times I've seen into her soul. At least that's how it feels to me. I can't believe I'm being so cheesy and romantic. I just don't know why she is treating me differently this morning, and I don't want her to stop so I'm afraid to ask.

Suddenly, it comes to me in a flash; I let down my walls yesterday in the HR office. I honestly showed Quinn my real fear, pain, and insecurity about her leaving me. It was my biggest fear. It nearly shatters my heart when I become aware of the fact that Quinn is responding in kind, and let down a few walls of her own. It was an unmistakable sign of trust, and I'm deeply moved.

An unmistakable feeling of love and tenderness towards Quinn washes over me, and I can't the wide smile that lights up my face. I look over and see amusement in her green and gold eyes as she quirks her eyebrow almost to her hairline, "Still waiting…."

I laugh merrily. My day just got 1,000 times better, "Seriously? Waking up in your spare room wrapped around you was a bit weird but a really nice, sweet kind of weird. I feel really good, my ass is sore as hell, and I would appreciate it if you stopped working out but I feel safe and forgiven. All my guilt is gone, and I got the best night sleep of my life last night," I finish quickly, really loving this new honesty thing I have with Quinn.

Quinn nods seriously, "That's great; maybe we should just paddle you every night before bed just to be on the safe side!" She bites her lip trying to stay serious, but gives up and laughs uproariously at the look of shock on my face. She sets the mug down, and walks over and pulls me into her arms, "I slept really well too."

She pulls back and gently places a kiss on my cheek, "We need to talk about the next few days before I head to work," Quinn grabs her coffee again and takes my hand with her free hand. She leads me into the living room, and we sit down on the couch. I quickly move, settling on my hip. It is still uncomfortable sitting flat. Quinn crosses one leg under the other and turns so she faces me on the couch.

"Did you finish all of your lines last night?" Quinn looks seriously over the rim of the mug as she takes another sip of the still hot liquid.

"No, only about half; I tried but my arm started aching. It wasn't my hand, but it was where I cut the muscle," I finished seriously, not wanting her to think I was shirking my writing assignment last night.

"Alright, you need to finish that today. If it starts hurting again, take some breaks but you should be able to get it done by the time I get home."

"Should I still be here then when you get home?" I ask in a confused voice, "Usually after a punishment I go back to my apartment to think, or whatever else you have me doing."

"I'd like you to be here when I get home. I guess the big question is would you like to be here? There is no right or wrong answer, Santana. Tell me how you really feel and what you really want," Quinn looks thoughtfully at me. I know she said there is no wrong answer, but I feel like this is a test of my feelings for her. I see that even the mighty Quinn Fabray has insecurities, and it surprises me.

I can tell she really wants to know. Maybe waking up with Quinn in my bed has given me a feeling of security, I don't know. I just decide the hell with it, and tell her the honest to God truth, "I guess I'm confused. Something has changed between us and I think I know what it is but I'm not sure what's going on between us. When I don't know what's going on, I get scared first and usually angry a quick second. I mean I would like to be here when you get home, but is it just for today, for my 3 day work punishment, for the week, forever?" I finish rapidly refusing to meet Quinn's eyes, trying to blink away the tears that are rapidly forming, "I really hate this vulnerable honesty shit."

I'm surprised by the genuine laugh that bursts from her lips, "Me too, San. We hate that vulnerable shit because we've both been hurt by untrustworthy people. We're learning to trust each other, it's difficult," Quinn leans over and sets her coffee on the table next to us, "You're right though, some things have changed; you're growing, changing, and you might not even notice it yourself. The old Santana would have punched Shauna right in the mouth. She never would have opened up in Kate's office, and asked me to tell her I wouldn't leave her or stop liking her. She would have never let herself be held the way you let me hold you in bed this morning. Those are just a few of the changes I see happening. Others have noticed as well."

I feel a surge of absolute panic and fear surge through me at the thought of people knowing about my arrangement with Quinn.

"Easy San, nobody except Julia knows about our arrangement and no one ever will unless you wish to share it. Are you ok?"

I take a breath, and calm down. Of course she wouldn't talk about our private business at work. I nod for her to continue.

"What I meant is that Kate told me at dinner last night that she was incredibly impressed with the changes she's seen in your work ethic and professionalism. You are becoming the responsible worthy adult we talked about, the one you said you wanted to become. It's all because of you and your hard work and the effort you've put into making positive changes in your life."

"That and the fricking hairbrush of yours!" I frown unconsciously as I remember those unpleasant occasions over her knee.

"Hey, I only step in to remind you of the consequences. Believe me, sweetheart mine are usually less severe than getting fired or going to jail."

"Thank you, I mean I should have said that first before the hairbrush crack, you know about noticing things changing. I have been trying really hard, and I wanted to punch her so badly but I didn't want to be that person anymore. I didn't want to disappoint you either, even though I did wind up doing it anyway, disappointing you I mean. The point is I tried to walk away first, I just didn't get very far," I was embarrassed and rambling. I've never gotten many compliments in my life, and I've never known how to respond to them.

"You're very welcome Santana, I'm proud of you. I was so pleased when you took responsibility yesterday. I was so proud of you when you apologized sincerely to Shauna without being told to. I see so much potential in you. You are already a wonderful, passionate and caring person."

I sit stunned when she reached a hand out, and cups my cheek with her warm palm, "It's ok if you think all these changes are happening too fast for you. We can slow down, it's alright, it won't change the way I feel about you, sweetheart," she finishes in a near whisper, and I fight to be able to breathe. I think she loves me back.

"Can I stay until Sunday? I should probably go home then since I have to go back to work on Monday?" I ask shyly, looking down at my lap.

"Of course, we can start there. It will make it easier to keep an eye on you anyway during your punishment days," She says all business again, as she removes her hand from my face.

"What do you mean? My punishment was over last night, I mean except for finishing writing my lines."

"Oh really? You think you can assault someone, nearly get fired, go on 3 days of unpaid leave from work and what? Sleep late, watch TV all day, lounge around in your pajamas and eat Girl Scout cookies?"

My mouth opens and shuts like a gutted fish as I think of what to say. I would never admit it to Quinn, but I was kind of thinking of it as a mini-vacation. I decide to keep that to myself.

The blonde nods knowingly, "Uh huh, that's what I thought. So Julia is in need of a volunteer down at the free clinic to answer phones and setup appointments. Her receptionist is on maternity leave, and it will take her until next Monday to get a temp in. Isn't that fortuitous timing? Starting today at 9:00 am, here is the address," she hands me a business card, "Julia is so excited to meet you and is expecting you," Quinn pushes up off the couch.

"That's not fair!" I blurt out without thinking. I'm appalled and intimidated at the thought of meeting the infamous Julia.

"Oh? What's not fair?" Quinn stops and turns back around to face me. Her face is unreadable, and her tone icy.

"I was punished last night for everything; this is like double jeopardy or something. I'm getting punished twice for the same thing," I cross my arms and pout. I know I am looking and acting like a five year old, but I feel I have a valid point.

Quinn sighs, "So much for all that progress!" She puts her hand on her hip, "So you think you should just be free to do whatever you'd like for the next three days?"

"Well I would if I wasn't in this arrangement with you," I say stubbornly.

"You'd also be jobless, most likely homeless, and in jail for assault without your arrangement with me," Quinn says sternly fixing her gaze on me, and I fight the urge to squirm.

"Look Quinn, all I'm saying is that last night you had me list all the things I was being punished for. Getting suspended or whatever for three days was one of those things. I took my punishment, and then you said I was completely forgiven. Now you're saying I wasn't completely forgiven, there is more punishment. I don't mind helping someone out, but you didn't ask me to volunteer, you made it mandatory as further punishment. Just doesn't seem fair to me, that's all I'm saying."

Quinn sits back down in the chair across from the couch with a huff. Her emotions are flashing across her face, and I can see she is trying to come up with an argument against my logic. I can tell she is at a loss for words, and I know that almost never happens to the calm, cool, and collected Quinn Fabray.

"What did you go to law school before you majored in accounting or what?" She finally says in a grumpy tone, "Alright, here is how it goes. You may have a valid point. I'll leave it up to you to do what you think is right. Here is the card with Julia's number, at least call her if you aren't going to show up," She dusts her hands off on her skirt as if she was finished with the entire conversation and stands up to leave for work.

"Oh that is so sneaky, I can't believe you!" I yell, incensed at the blonde and completely forgetting my manners, "You want me to call the woman who spanks you and tell her no I won't help her! How stupid do you think I am?"

"Are you shouting at me?" Quinn turns dangerously drilling me with her flashing eyes. Not yelling and being disrespectful towards others is one of my rules.

Swallowing nervously I realize what I'm doing, "I'm sorry, I just got carried away for a minute. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"You convinced me that you were right and you had a valid argument. If you don't want to volunteer all I ask is that you do the polite, not to mention adult thing, and let Julia know she is not going to be getting any help this week. It's no big deal. She can't spank you over the phone, Santana. Nor would she ever attempt such a thing with you in person. Now enough go or don't go, it's totally up to you, but I don't want to be late for work today," She walks over and kisses me softly on the lips and smiles, "I will see you later tonight, sweetheart," With that she grabs her jacket, purse and keys and left the house.

"Damn, damn, damn…. Sneaky, very sneaky Quinn Fabray. Well I'm just not going." I sit back down on the couch, and pick up the business card and my cell phone and look at both, "Oh fuck my life!" I yell angrily. I jump up when I notice the time. I need to shower and get ready and then drive with a sore ass. I might make it there right at 9:00 if I am lucky and traffic behaves. She am not going to tell the scary Julia no, even if it is just over the phone.

Honestly, I really do want to meet the woman who tamed a young, wild Quinn Fabray anyway. My imagination about Quinn's ex-lover and partner is probably worse than the reality, so I give myself permission to go by telling myself I am not capitulating to Quinn Fabray but to my need to meet Julia.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-0-**_

_**QUINN'S POV**_

I'm in my car driving when I hit her hands free and dial Julia, still very much aware of the no texting, no playing on my cell phone while driving rule, "Good morning, Julia! Before you say anything, you're on the hands-free."

Julia chuckles, "I'm glad you remember, good morning to you, princess! So how did last night go with the ever interesting Santana Lopez?"

"I don't know how you did it, it just tears me up inside to hurt her."

"I know, but you are not hurting her. You are helping her and saving her from herself. You know it and she knows it," Julia said sternly, "Or do you need a reminder lesson?"

I chuckle at the threat but my stomach still flip-flops, "No thank you, I will remember that! Oh by the way, I found you some temp help until Monday."

"REALLY? Oh Quinn that's fantastic, I have been losing my mind all week long. How did you find someone on such short notice?"

"I just happen to know someone out of work for the next three days! She put up a fight, but I appealed to her sense of right and wrong and I'm about 99.9% certain you will see Santana Lopez by 9 am," I laugh heartily, "she missed her calling not being a lawyer, but I think I guilted her into showing. Besides, I'm pretty sure she is dying to meet my ex-partner and top."

"Oh my god, you are way more evil than I ever was!" Julia laughs, she is equally anxious to meet the fiery Latina who has stolen Quinn's heart.

Quinn scoffed, "Right, sure I am! Anyway I have to go but Julia... be gentle, she's a bit skittish, alright?"

"Don't worry, princess; I'll take care of your girl! I have so many stories to share with her! Oops first client is here, gotta run, bye!"

"Julia! Don't you dare! Julia... Julia...Jul... oh damn her!" I grump as I hang up the phone. The last thing I need is Santana getting ammunition against me.

Julia stood there laughing to herself; this was going to be so much fun!

_**to be continued.. please review... Quinntana loving is coming soon!**_


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